A
female
age
36-40,
*slandcutie
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I am just beginning to realize that he is very critical about physical apperance. I love him and want to be with him but he just doesnt get that when he makes critical comments that it really damages me. How do can I try to change how I react? or what is the best thing I can do?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 It sounds to me like he is a bit self centered.
He needs to realize that who people are is not necessarily what they look like. Often you will see in the animal kingdom birds that will dance around or fluff out their feathers and beat their wings or growl in a particular manner to get the attention of the female. After that they don't care and neither does the female.
Sure, with humans it does help initially for the female to be good looking to the male to attract his attention but then the ball is in his court. From then on a guy SHOULD be getting to know the personality of the female and in most cases forgets about her looks altoghether.
He needs to get his priorities straight.
The problem seems to be with him, not you.
If he can't work it out then maybe it is time for you to find someone who wants you for who you are. Doc.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Hm you could try criticising him back and see how he takes it but something tells me if he's trying to control you after two years that it does not bode well for the future. Criticism is a form of mental bullying whether that's his intention or not so if it continues you have to say something to him about it. It's just not fair on you.
CD
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A
female
reader, JulietteElise +, writes (11 February 2007):
 First, talk to him and ask him to stop being so critical of you, and why he has been. Perhaps he is worried that you haven't been takeing care of yourself and is trying (in a bad way) to motivate you to be healthy? i don't know... but you really need to talk to him about this as soon as possable and get to the bottom of why hes doing it. He might not even know hes doing it, so pointing it out is immportant.
if... he keeps being critical or gets worse though....
i'm sorry to say this.... but if hes very critical of how you look, you may want to consider breaking up with him. This may seem a bit extream, but these comments will only continue to make you feel worse and worse untill you start beliveing it and feeling ugly and your self confidence plumits, etc... and you either start being someone u're not just to try to please him, or become empty inside and depressed. There could be many reasons why he is so ciritical, one could be that hes controling (and thus the relaitonship could eventualy turn into an abuseive one and him always trying to control you or needeing to know where u are, etc); he could be trying to make you stop loveing him because he has fallen out of love with you but hasn't the guts to break up with you himself (i know this sounds crazy, but a b/f actually tried this with me); He may be superfical and thus want you to look "perfect" or he dosunt want to be seen with you (this would be very bad as well because everybody should be in a relationship with someone who truley loves them for who and how they are and how they look); or... this could just be his personality... i have a friend who's mom is always negitive and always points out bad things no matter what it is, and is even crule about her best friend behind her back... and if his personality is foul like this.... do you really want to keep spending your life with someone like that? esspically since it will always make you feel bad?
i really hope its not anything horrible.... but find out! you dont deserve to be made to feel horrible by the person you love
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