A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend had been together for about 16 months when we went to separate universities. I was upset with the transition and found it difficult settling into uni life since for all this time we saw each other every day and were inseparable he even asked me to marry him. A few months into university and we started to argue and he broke it off with me the day after our 18 month anniversary. But since then we have been on and off on and off. During this time he told me he needed space and not to contact him too much so i didnt. However another girl from his university started sending him emails and i saw pictures of them together, hugging and looking very close. He denies anything happened and I believe him. When we came home for half term he wanted us to try again so we did but he did not put any effort in and said some very horrible things to me.Here I am now and we are still not officially 'together' but speaking every day and telling eachother how much we love and miss the other person. However I am putting so much effort into our relationship to make it work and he isnt. It is his birthday next week and I was willing to come down to his university to spend it with him, but he says he does not want me there but to instead spend it with his friends. I am really hurt by this as i feel he is not doing anything to help our relationship work. My life has been a misery for the last three months. How can our relationship have gone from something amazing where he did things to show he loved me all the time to this? Is it really worth my trouble?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): There is no issue here. This is not loving behaviour on his part,dear. End this relationship and move on. When people like your bf can emotionally attach and detach so easily like this, he's a user and nice, good people like yourself get hurt. You are doing all the work and he isn't. What is that telling you, dear? Learn from this experience, be strong and strike him up as a loss. From now on, you need to decide what relationships are valuable to you and begin making wiser choices. I am sorry..you don't deserve this...no one does. Good luck and and take care, dear
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): Is it really worth your trouble? Only you can decide that, it sounds to me like your boyfriend has some commitment issues, he wants to remain single, but he does sound like he wants you in his life...it is sort of like you are both on a different page as far as what you expect and want out of the relationship. It is a common thing, especially for people in your age group as you have a lot going on in your lives that make a commited relationship a lot of work, like being in school for intstance.
Your main focus and goal in life ought to be finishing school. If you need to table your romance for awhile and see other people so you don't feel the sting of rejection every time you can't get what you want from him, then that is what you need to do....take a step back, stay in contact if you want to, but also move on a bit and take care of yourself first.
There is no reason to always be hurting, you may feel he doesn't care for you and that is why, or you may truly want a more commited relationship and right now...you both need to just talk a bit about your thoughts on this subject and what you think you should do now...try not to make it about what he is doing wrong (although it is hard not to do) or he will get nervous and back away, talk about what it is you are struggling with and what you want out of this relationship and try to come to some agreement about what to do next.
Hope this helps you, and good luck.
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