A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a bit strange for me to be doing this, but i just want to hear what everyone else things.I met this lovely women 6 months ago, we really hit it off so well.After a few months she asked me to move in with her and the kids.I of course said yes, but i need at least a few months to sort out my own things back home.Anyway, cut a long story short, her ex boyfriend, started phoning in the early hours of the morning and sending texts, this was starting to do my head in and i said that she better sort this out or i will.Then a couple of weeeks later, we got drunk at her place,having a good laugh and so on. then we went to bed and she fell straight to sleep. As was not ready and got up and went to the living room to watch tv. She comes in arguing the fact that i was in the mood and started shouting at me, she went back into the room and when i got back she was texting someone, of course i question her, and got alot a abuse back.15 minutes later the door bell rang, this is at 11.00 at night, she opened the door and started to cry, there was a man, i asked who he was and he said a friend, i had a little word and he told me to leave, i said no.She then asked me to leave, so i did a stupid thing and drove home drunk..The next morning she called and said we need to talk as the kids heard everything.i came round and first thing i said was who was he....It was the ex....She said that it was a mistake....I love this woman so much, and i spent a fortune on her and the kids and even took them away before xmas..I even cooked xmas dinner for her and all the family... Then 26th December happened when we were on the town and he was there..All hell broke loose and she left me out in the cold all night until she came home at 11 in the morning..Thats when i packed my stuff and went..Till this day, she said that she was at the hospital..I called the hospital and no one of her disciption or injury came in that night...As soon as i said that to her,,she went off the wall.....Anyway, i know its a long one,,but what do you all think!!! I can't get her out of my mind as we really got on well.. until he came on the scene and my jealoucy kicked in...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Get rid of her, she is no good.She is defenitely cheating on you with her ex
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, i've not heard anything from her...I did meet a lovely woman over the weekend See how it goes from there.But your one,, is still on my mind all the time......Thanks all
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 She told you she was seeing someone else, (however casual). You're right to let her stew! I would let Valentine's day go by without sending her a card. She'll be expecting one from you, taking it for granted that you are crazy on her no doubt but hold back and DON'T send her. That way you're letting her MISS you. I'll bet she calls you that week! See if I'm right.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers, It has help alot...
Well, when we did break up, of course i was on the phone to her and we did send a few hard texts to each other, very hurtful on both sides. She even said that she had gone back with the Ex.
Anyway, she sent me a text saying that she was apologising for all the nasty words that was said and was deeply sorry from the bottom of her heart. I of course was very defensive (not meaning to be).
Anyway, i sent her atext back saying that i was also sorry for what i had said and was disappointed that the relationship had ended...Also mentioned that i was sort of see someone....Thats when she called me...Who is she, how long...I told her it was a fling...She replied back...Does she know that...Anyway, we talk for about half an hour and she denied that she cheated on me and the said that she was single and never went back out with the ex, she only said this to me, just so i would stop texting and calling...Which i did..
I mentioned about the hospital, she got upset and hung up...Followed by a text saying that she was crying and had to do a 9 hour shift at the bar..
She text me again at 4.30am and we text for an hour...We were supposed to call the next day and she never, i tried but got staight to the answer phone..Then i get a message on the sunday saying that she could not talk or text me anymore due to me seeing someone, however casual...
I love this woman so much....I have been on loads of dates and had many relationships fall apart...but this one is so different....In one way, it has been wrecking my head...but i need to move on...Which i find very hard...
Its coming up to Valentines day...Should i send flower, or do you think she would be expecting them from me...I just feel like letting her stew now and let her do all the chasing.....##
Anyway, sorry for going on and maybe not making any sense, as you can all see, my grammar is not that great..
Thanks for listening
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): I think that you should forget about her and move on. After all, she's lied to you about being in hospital plus her ex is around all the time. You need to get out of this relationship fast.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 February 2007):
If I were you I'd move out of there until she gets her head together. She obviously still has feelings for her ex, she isn't over him, plain and simple. She falls out with you and it's straight on to the ex, exaggerating stories so she looks good.
She's lied to you with her hospital story (which you checked up on). She's may even have spent the night with the ex but she wasn't going to tell you that. Do you really need all this hassle? Is she worth it?
Not only is she confusing you treating you in this way but she's confusing her poor children too. They need stability and they certainly aren't getting that hearing all the arguments going on and seeing different men come into the house all the time.
It is HER that is very insecure, she asked you to move in too soon, you spent a fortune on her and the kids, even taking them on holiday and no doubt you showered them with presents at Christmas too. I feel she's using you even if she's not aware of it. YOU are a person and YOU have feelings too! Is she so selfish she doesn't see that?
Give her some space to sort her head out love. The time apart will also sort your head out too so you can think things through as to whether or not you feel she's worth all the hassle. I also feel she should leave the booze alone as this is only clouding her vision and stops her thinking rationally. In all of this it's the children I feel for most. She's not setting them a very good example is she? Is this the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Think about it......
Eve
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): im in the same persision its hard isnt it well if you love her take her back !!1
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): Sorry to say, but I think she's playing you and possibly still has feelings for her ex. You were right to feel jealous it's only natural when you care deeply for someone. Firstly she spent xmas with you, then the next day is asking you to leave at 11pm when you had been drinking. She had no respect for your wellbeing at that point and you risked your life and others while driving drunk. This is a toxic relationship, distance yourself from this woman and find a genuine lady who respects and loves you for the caring, decent person you are.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 February 2007):
 Poor you,
I'm sorry but i dont think she is being honest with you. Are you normally a jealous person, or has she made you this way?. If her ex is indeed an ex, what is she doing calling him. You need to move on i think, and start a new life.
Another thing, what kind of a mother does all this in front of her kids. It must be very upsetting for them.
Drinking can cause all sorts of insecurity's and arguements, and should never involve kids.
I understand its not all her fault, because she has obviously not let go of her past. But why has she asked you to move in so easily. You have to ask yourself,is it to get at her ex.
I think you should leave her alone to get on with whatever she needs to do. And start your new life .
If you do get back to-gether, she should not be involved in any dealings with her ex. Pecking order!!! Kids then you then family. Thats how it goes XXX
(NO EX)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): She is abusing you. There may be reasons why she is behaving this way, rooted in the past. The trouble is that she is using her power to control you. First by being nice, then by being unbelievably destructive, childish, vicious and unkind.
This looks like the sort of behaviour that she may have enacted for years. It is not the sort of thing that comes out of the blue. Now she has seen what she can get away with you can expect more. It makes her feel good to see how far she can push you because it makes her feel important. She also needs the reaction of the other man.
What exactly would she have to do before you would leave her? If you find little that she could do to put you off her, you can be sure that you are losing your ability to see things rationally. There is no way on earth that most people would accept this behaviour so why are you? Bullying and abuse are powerful weapons. People make you feel important then knock you off your pedestal. That is a shock, it is dazing and you start thinking there must be a mistake. You want to climb back into your rightful place and for a while everything is OK until it happens again. It is like brainwashing. She needs serious help, her poor kids have a terrible role model to grow up with. What a shame. Get out of it or you will be a slave to her whims and you will lose your mind! Plus, it will be very difficult to trust anyone again.
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