A
female
age
30-35,
*atx3
writes:My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 9 months now. Hes 20, and i'm 18. We've been through so much and its been really difficult but we've made through it. Hes always been the jealous type, but recently its been starting to get out of control. Last night i wore a longer dressy shirt with leggings and when i went over he gets this weird look on his face and tells me that i look like a hoe and to go change? His sister comes in and sticks up for me and tells him to stop. He said it showed my ass? When honestly it didnt, the shirt covered it plus i had on leggings? He also tries controlling who i talk to, and wont let me talk to any other guys. The first few months i went along with it, but then when he started messing around with other girls i broke up with him because i didn't get any sort of respect that i deserved. We didn't talk for 3 months, and then he called me and we decided to give it another chance. He still tries controlling who i hang out with or talk too, but i'm not letting him get that satisfaction again.Last night we got into a huge fight, it was both our faults. Me for questioning his feelings, and his for saying the shit he said and telling me to get the hell out of his house. I left and told him to he has no right to ever fucking talk to me again. I started crying, hyperventilating, and almost had no control. He texted me apologizing, asked where i was, what i was doing, freaking the hell out. I ignored them all, and then he kept calling me. So i finally answered and he apologized as well as i did for my mistakes. He was then texting me saying he missed me over and over again. The whole night he was texting me saying he couldn't sleep cause we fought, and i felt bad so i reassured him it was all okay. Then this morning he starts giving me the silent treatment, when he knows how much i hate that and how hard it is for me. He does it all the time, and i researched it and found out its a serve form of emotional abuse. When i first met him i felt all this love for him, and would do anything to make him happy. I put his feelings in front of mine EVERYTIME. But all the stuff that he did pushed me away, and i almost felt hate for him. I took him back cause i thought he would change but im starting to think hes exactly the same. He does have some psychological issues, and he always has to be right no matter what or we get into a huge fight. I want to be with him and make things work, but i don't know if its going to be worth it in the end anymore..Will these problems just continue to grow? Will he get more controlling and whats the next step?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Short simple answer... Yes! These problems will continue to grow. If you cant fix the problems you have now and move on then when new problems come along (and they will), they'll just stack up. Then there'll be more ammunition that will be used in arguements.
Yes! Theres a good chance that he will get more controlling. You're 18, I dont know what ages you can do what where you're from, but its safe to say that you're becoming more independent. Getting a car and being able to drive anywhere to see anybody at anytime, being able to go nightclubbing, being around lots of guys, you tell me, can you see him getting more or less jealous/suspicious/controlling when these situations arise?
People can change, but any large personality change that actually lasts is pretty rare. If this relationship has any hope of lasting though, you guys need to sit down, tell him the things that you've just said and come to some sort of compromise to these problems. If you cant then its really up to you. I'd hate to hear in 2 years time you back on here writing of an abusive, bitter, hate-filled breakup. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Please please please love get away from this man. This relationship is toxic to you and if it continues you will end up being physically abused. Don't spend another minute with him, he will strip you of every bit of confidence, self belief and feelings you have. Trying to control who you see is just the start of him isolating you so that he can eventually control every aspect of your life.
I can not stress enough how quickly I want you to run as fast as you can away from him. Cut off all contact and enlist your family and friends help in keeping him away from you.
I beg of you to heed my advice
Lots of love to you
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A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (14 February 2010):
 It's going to be a cycle. He gets controlling -- you get shitty with him -- he feels bad -- you feel bad -- he gives you the silent treatment -- you eventually make up -- it goes well for a while and then he gets controlling again because he hasn't done anything to change his behaviour.
I would suggest counseling. I know it's a common answer for relationship issues, but it shouldn't be overlooked. Perhaps start with relationship counseling and then maybe he could get some individual counseling.
He needs help to curb his controlling behaviour. Because if this continues on, he's going to wear you down and you'll eventually get used to his controlling behaviour and the cycle and it will get worse.
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