| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi there! I have written in here a while ago about my lying, cheating ex. I'd vowed to myself that I would never have another relationship after ending the last one - very painful relationship and ending. I didn't think I'd ever open up to anyone enough for them to like me or for me to like them. I made conscious efforts to stay completely protected behind my "wall". Recently I met a new neighbour and we got along really well. We ended up sleeping together. The next couple of times we spent with each other I realised I had been blind to the fact that I was developing a "more than friends" kind of feeling, which really scared the hell out of me, as I thought I had all that under wraps. I have just been looking at all guys the same coz well, they pretty much have been. For this guy to break through I figure he must be different. I am really attracted to him in a lot of ways. I'm not sure what to do about these feelings. I'm so used to being in control of them and now I'm not. We discussed the whole "relationship" thing and I think I made it pretty clear that I don't want one. Deep inside, in a perfect world, he would be someone I would love to be with. However that isn't the case. I am sooooo scared of getting hurt. It wouldn't bother me if he was an asshole instead of a nice guy. I don't wanna find out that he's not as nice as he seems. I know I wouldn't be as tolerant to being treated like crap as I used to be. I became someone I didn't even know when I was constantly abused and taken for granted in my last relationship (9yrs). I dont want to see the ugliness in him that brings out mine again. It's been that long since I've began any sort of relationship. I don't even know how that part goes - what are the rules? I am so confused ... - Why does this guy even like me?- Why can I feel for him when I am usually so good at controlling my feelings? What should I do with these feelings? He says we will see how it goes and if something becomes of it then that's great; if not, it doesn't! I'm not even sure what I want any more either.- How can a guy I hardly know make me question my plan of remaining single? I said where I stood on the whole thing up front, it looked and sounded like that's where he stood too, but the other night he said he thinks he's falling for me. What is that supposed to mean exactly? I'd like to be able to talk more to him about this but I worry that I sound stupid coz I don't even know how this "seeing each other" thing goes and in my last relationship my bloke hated me talking about anything like that coz it's such a turn off ...as he put it! I just don't know what to do or how to work it so that I don't get hurt. Or is it better to only have the casual thing with people you have absolutely no respect or feelings for??? Please help!!!
View related questions:
neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Woah there...!
Please don't tar all men with the same brush.. It sounds as if you have had 9 yrs of bad treatment at the mercy of at least one uncaring partner, and you are letting his mistakes - and those of others - cloud your judgement - believe me, most of us have been there (men AND women - I know I certainly have 'worn those painful shoes', walked many a mile in them, ending up blistered, battered and bruised, I kid you not!...But hey, that does not mean I will go shoe-less - just that I will try another shoe-shop!!
Promise yourself a little fun, take your time, tell yourself you deserve better than you had before, and really get to know this guy if you are interested. Give the poor chap the benefit of the doubt. Get to know his friends/family/workmates/reputation... (their input can be invaluable). Enjoy it for what it is, and see the potential in it..You for sure don't want to end up a bitter wreck of a person, do you, really??
Have some happiness, give him a fair try. And yes, you could end up hurt again, but that is a chance we all take in life - but what other thrill is there in life that lifts your heart to that place above all expectation and experience and makes each day worth getting up for, when all else is doom and gloom? (And don't say chocolate, too many calories!!)
Go for it, he might just be the one who has what you have been waiting for! The world is what you make it - Good luck, I would love to know how you get on!
|
