A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my boyfriend is in the army and we've been been dating for a year and a half. The first three months he left me for basice training was real hard because we barely communicated but i received letters during his absence every week or so and if he did called me was over the weekend for 5min. Anyways, when he came back from basic training he informed me that he was stationed in Hawaii =/ which is 5000 miles away from me, when he was home everything was fine between us if not better since we had not seen each other for 3months. Even when he left to Hawaii he text me every morning, or not call and call me every night before he went to bed. Now, he barely textes me doesnt bother to call me and if he does we only speak for 5-10min. Im not the person that doesnt let my bf breathe, i actually wait til he textes me because i know he's working, but i dont understand why now all the sudden he's communication with me less and less?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): My partner of five years now was activated in U.S. with Army for two years now. Over a year ago, he started becoming very impatient on the phone with me, saying he was busy. We used to have nice phone calls, whether five minutes or longer. I felt secure, and he also was happy. Then it started as I said. It went badly downhill from there. He stopped calling and texting me, it started out with gaps of two or so days, then got more. He broke up with me because of the sad excuse of me telling him 'dear you forget things' and he got enraged and said 'I don't need this'. It was so obvious to me that the pressures of the 10 hr days in the Army had taken its toll. If you go on Military.com there is a section on soldier depression. They say first year is bad, but by second year, it's worse, and relationships start to fail. He contacted me five months later, begged me to return to the relationship. But it was more of the same. Ever since August when we reunited, he would think up every excuse he could think of why he had no time to call me, email me, or text me. Sometimes a week would go by, and then he'd call me for a five minute call saying - sorry, I'm tired and going to bed. During this past year - he proposed to me for the second time in the five years, and a few months later retracted it. Today he is saying I don't know where my life is going - whether six months from now or six years from now. Wow - what does that sound like? He seems to want to get rid of me - faithfully waiting behind, at home while he serves his country. But I say I think we should part - and then comes an eight inch long email saying his heart is breaking. Then next day after I say I'll stay - it starts all over again.I don't know about the other people on this site about this issue talked about, but it has seriously taken it's toll on me for the last year, on my emotions, with depression, health issues, etc. etc. I am again at the brink of telling him today or tomorrow, that we need to part. These are all things I have said to him many times before - but somehow he can't hear it.I came to this site to find answers somehow - but looks like there are none.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): I have the same problem with my boyfriend we have been going out for the past year and as here in cyprus the need to do 18 months in the army he had to go as we do so he could surve the country every thing has been going well till about a month ago witch he stopped calling and texting. Now in the army out here they are allowed mobile phones, his credit was getting low all the time and i know for a fact that they cant get the credit for phones in the shop that they have got in there. I dont know what to make of him any more. He says WHEN he calls that hi loves and misses me but i cant feel it any more. And in hurts!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell first of all i want to thank all of you for your time and comments. I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT. He still hasn't text me and maybe is pride but i refuse to text him. I'm waiting for him to text me when he's ready and i will definitely bring it up in the most normal possible way i can. i do love him very much and i've told him before i'll wait for him and he doesnt need to give me a ring, or knock me up lol or something to tie me down just simply keep his word that we'll be together, but idk he's a confusing person. some people tell me that he just made a relationship with me again so he can have a girl to come back to when he comes home, others say he does love me. I know he does but i do wonder are we on the same page. I'm still waiting on a text from him but i will keep you guys posted. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Take the Honest Answer's advice! I just want to share with you a little bit of my story.
We are in the same boat. My boyfriend went from basic to medical combat training. It was in that transition we met via phone. Ever since his training there, he had been through a lot of sickness and depression. Not that he is at the same as your bf, but when he gets stressed to the point of maxing out, he just stopped talking to me. Wouldn't return my calls. For two months I waited... And he came back for me. He set goals for our future and promised me never to do that again. Sure enough, he did.
This time, two and a half months into waiting, I took the bull by the horns. I went 16 hour south of where I am from to see him at his base. I called him on my friends phone and he said he was too busy to see me and hung up. =/ He let me go. I am broken hearted.
But I know that he is still stressed, stlll depressed, and still physically ill. I understand he needs to take care of himself first, right now. I honestly believe, he will come back for me. May it be in a week to a few months... It is a gut feeling. He is the one.
I just think that you need to decide as well, where he fits into your future. Im not saying you need to go all the way to Hawaii, but step it up as much as you can to prove to him he means everything to you. And if he lets you go, but you still love and want to be with him. Let him know that, but until then give yourself time to heal and maybe go for some rebound sex. Lol.
Army take good people and make them bad. He could be feeling like he is losing himself. Having issues back home that are uncontrollable. But that just comes with being an army girlfriend... no time, distance, or silence should ever break the faith or bond in your two relationship. I don't care what anyone tells you! Don't lose hope. Because I haven't.
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male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (19 January 2010):
 Im actually in the Army, and beleive it or not satationed in Hawaii (Schofield BKs) but currently in Iraq. His not talking to you as often can be a variety of reasons. What I suggest you to do is grab the bull by the horns and call this guy and point blank ask him what is the deal with your relationship. If he is trying to let you go, fading into the sunset is not a good plan. He should be honest with you so that you know exactly where you stand in this relationship.
Is this the guy of your dreams? Marriage material? Are you ready to give up your life and be an Army spouse?
If so, let him know this. I'm not saying that you can change his mind, but you will let him know exactly where you stand in this relationship.
I really do wish you the best of luck!
Jeff
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 January 2010):
Sorry to say it, and I know it's something you don't want to hear, but it sounds like he's over it. It's not anything you did, but he's VERY far away from you and LDR are VERY hard. Rather than manning up and ending things, he's stringing you along and not breaking up with you and hoping you'll do the work for him and just end things. So do what you feel is right, talk to him about it first if you want, but it sounds like it's the beginning of the end of the relationship.
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male
reader, Uncle Abe +, writes (19 January 2010):
I was in the Army. First of all long distance relationships statistically don't work out. Mostly they fade away as yours appears to be doing. He may or may not be seeing someone but the physical touch, smell, sound of people help (I say help) to keep us close. The same applies to friends who move apart and don't stay in touch.
The big question you have to ask yourself is this. Are you wanting to marry this man? This includes following him around the world, constantly. It is the Army life. If you get four or five years in one place you are lucky and if you get a few years without him deploying to Iraq, Afghanistan or where ever they send us next then once again you are lucky. This is very hard on most people and the Army divorce rate is quite high.
So if you love him AND you want to be with him as a husband and wife. Then let him know - go after him. He can't tell the Army no. He shouldn't - it is his duty. If you can't or won't go with him where ever. If you can't or won't chase after him. Then it isn't that deep true love of your life. Which is OK. Just realize that he is 'most likely' gone. This doesn't mean anything is wrong with either of you. It means that what you felt wasn't strong enough and you are probably better off waiting for that real true deep love.
But if you want this man. If he causes you to feel proud to be HIS girl. If he treats you like a lady and supports you mentally, spiritally, and emotionally then you might want to consider that you need to step it up a notch. If you don't or he doesn't then one or both of you may be too young to be worrying about this right now.
But if you do then don't overwhelm the guy, don't throw out ultimatums, just tell him how deeply you feel, that you are willing to wait if you need to but you need to find positive ways to spend time together. Either on webcams, chat rooms, or pick up and move to Hawaii. That is a rather large step though and if you are still in school of any kind I would recommend you not leave until you are done with school. But maybe, if he is serious about keeping the relationship alive, he could fly you to Hawaii for the summer or something.
The details are for you to work out but in general:
Is he the one and can you keep him without ruining your own life? Meaning getting pregnant or dropping out...statistically speaking - doing either of these things will greatly reduce the overall quality of your life down the road. So I don't suggest those as options. Some people think that is rather uppity but I sleep better at night with my medical, life, car, and house insurance because I waited to marry my wife two years until we finished college then some of my friends who struggle just to pay their rent. Love will last if it is true - but why then make life so hard in order to 'jump in' right away.
So do you really love him and is he really worth your love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): its hard to be with someone who is in the army ur best bet would be to confront him about it the next time he calls or text dont confront him in an angry way or sad way guys dont like that..but do it in a normal way like you were just wondering and then c what happens..
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