A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to know if my husband is telling me the truth, since we recently got married he told me he had a female friend and she was married and he had never met her, that she lives en PA and she is his friend because they talked over the phone because she was his provider in his last job. They talked every once in a while but for 1 or 2 hours and every time I have told him that I feel unconfortable with his friendship and told him how you will feel if some guy call me, he said he don't care about me having male friends. They talk mainly when I am not present or when he is traveling and he is in an airport. He said that he likes this kind of friendship because since he does not met her he can talk with her about anything. I feel very bad because he does not talk with me "about everything" and now that we had been together more than 6 years we have so much communication problems, we fight a lot and although he has show me in many ways that he loves me I am still very uncomfortables with their long calls behind my back and I am afraid that now that she is divorced they can be together
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 January 2010):
You need to call her and ask her politely what the nature of her relationship is with your husband. Calmly explain to her that her relationship with your husband is creating friction in your marriage. Tell her that you don't want your time wasted so if she and your husband are pursuing a relationship then you want to know so you can move on with your life. If she says there is nothing going on then tell her to respect your marriage by backing off.
Don't listen to this rubbish about how you should ONLY talk to your man. Men lie all the time and you never get the truth until he is packing and leaving to be with his mistress. You never know what lie he has made up about you; recently I had a friend who had this type of friendship with a married man and he was telling her his wife is retarded and needs 24 hour care. The wife called my friend after finding out about the friendship and so my friend was shocked to find that the wife is quite a rational decent person. Besides, you have already tried talking to him and it hasn't worked so talk to her, and don't inform him in advance.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): He's probably not being honest with you.
He should take into consideration how you feel, especially since you've brought it up already. A little jealousy is always healthy and the fact that he doesn't care if you spent hours on the phone with a man he didn't know is a little fishy. He probably says that because he doesn't want to ruin what he has.
I would try talking to him about it again. You say you already have communication issues, you don't want to add to it. And after all, you are his wife. It is completely disrespectful for him to be communicating with another woman with whom he says he can tell anything to. That's what you are for. It is also very wrong of him to do it when he is alone, if he has nothing to hide he would do it in your presence. He needs to get his priorities straight because he needs to realize you are his wife and she is nothing but a friend.
I'm sorry you are having to go through this, but just talk to him about it. Communication is key.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): seems like your hubby has invested too much time in his friendship with her. perhaps it is only platonic, who knows. but what is worrying is the emotional bond these two have developed over the phone. are you sure they have not met and that they have no intention of meeting. why does he talk to her when you are not around. seems like he is discussing your lives with his special friend and that he enjoys engaging with her. also seems like she is slowly taking your place wrt discussing feelings and emotions and that his communication with her is far better than wiith you. seems like a third party in your marriage whether intended or not. with her divorce, has he been the pillar of strength for her as she went through it. be very very careful - your know that generally divorced (women) would want to hook up just to know that they still have it. some don't but most do. this woman is a threat in your marriage. bottom line- he is not going to stop "talking" to his friend. then you need to start talking to her as well. start a "friendship" with her. become a buddy of sorts. phone her and just talk, girl stuff. do not tell her about your marital issues but suss her out. also use discretion about daily life stories. do not complain about your hb abd i think you need to start using your charm with your hb. you need to win him over FAST. this woman is giving him what you are not- time, compassion, friendship. i really do not know but she is there and you have to deal with her. Gone are the days when the other spouse has just a friend, with emotional connections being what it is, many many marriages have broke down. take care and protect your marriage.
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