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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Why should a man not care about his woman's sexual past?I don't see anything unreasonable with this. I don't see how many women can understand this from their points of view because let's face it most of the physical activity comes from the man and how good sex is will be based on "his techniques".If I see a woman with a huge sexual past I'd be frightened and would not start any romantic involvement. I don't really wanna put myself through the stress and be competing with all the men in her life and wondering whether I'm enough.I consider the sexual intimacy of a relationship very important, I'm sure most men feel this way and so I'm sure most will agree with what I'm saying. A good loving relationship is not going to be enough to overcome this issue because I connect my love through sex.This is more of a general question I'm asking everyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I'm merely seeking opinions on the matter than for a specific solution to a personal problem if that helps.
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (16 June 2009):
 To our OP, if you don't like the answers to your "general question" why not make your post a little more clear. You are bitching that we don't understand you but without more detail we can only read between the lines, and as you can see between the lines it looks like you are moaning about all girls that have ever had an ex.
So my point is don't Generalise! Actually give us something to work with.... Your individual problem, as generalisations don't give YOU the answer YOU want or need, and you end up getting frustrated because we don't understand you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Dude, if you really think that the man is always the main active participant in sex, then you've got some learning to do about sex.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Also @female: Female anonymous poster below, your completely misjudging the intent of my question and.
"As for sex being good or not based only on men's "techniques"...don't flatter yourself. That is pure BS. As far as I'm aware, there's no magical interactive map of what pleasures a woman for guys to practice on before they have sex, so all those guys with better "techniques" than yours got that way either through dumb luck or because at some point they had lovers who showed them what women really do want. The guy I lost my virginity to was a virgin also and he was awful in bed the first few times. But he learned ;)"
I don't see how you've disproved what I said by contradicting yourself by talking about how HE was awful and how HE learned in the end. There aren't many things that men could rate about a woman about her sexual performance.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I'd just like to say that some people are misjudging me when I'm referring to sexual past saying I'm looking for nuns and pure virgins. I used it with a general meaning which would be relative to a person as to what would be too much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): If you are a virgin and are planning to wait till marriage to have sex then I suggest you meet a suitable girl with similar beliefs through a church or religious group. Then you won't have to worry about her past. Problem solved.
If you are NOT a virgin and/or are looking to have sex outside of marriage, it is hypocritical of you to demand that your prospective partner be pure when you are not. Every woman with a "huge sexual past" got that way with the help of guys like you, who wanted the goodies without the commitment. The girls that are willing to have sex with you before you seriously commit to them are likely to have pasts, and the girls that don't have pasts are likely to want serious commitment before they have sex with you. See the problem? It's that simple.
Most girls who sleep around are not slutty for its own sake but rather because they have had issues with abandonment or self-esteem and take approval in any form they can get it, even sex. The cycle is often self-perpetuating in that one-time sexual encounters provide little or no comfort and so the girl is weak and vulnerable to the next guy who comes along. She just wants to be loved and accepted by someone and failing that, sex is the closest substitute she can find. (I'm 22 and have slept with two people, both in long-term relationships lasting more than 2 years each...this is not me or my M.O., so don't write my response off as some girl with a huge past being defensive about it.) But I have many female friends like this and I know exactly why they do it.
As for sex being good or not based only on men's "techniques"...don't flatter yourself. That is pure BS. As far as I'm aware, there's no magical interactive map of what pleasures a woman for guys to practice on before they have sex, so all those guys with better "techniques" than yours got that way either through dumb luck or because at some point they had lovers who showed them what women really do want. The guy I lost my virginity to was a virgin also and he was awful in bed the first few times. But he learned ;)
Basically, I think you're going to have a very hard time finding partners if you view a woman's past as a personal affront or as direct competition to you. The only thing it shows is insecurity, which to many women is a huge turn-off. I see three ways your attitude is likely to cause you problems with this.
If you date a girl with a past and she knows your opinion on the subject, she's not likely to be honest with you about her past.
If you date a girl with a past and she is honest with you, you're going to take it personally and your attitude will undermine the relationship.
If you find that rare girl who has no past whatsoever and you are the only sexual experience she ever has, you can bet that at some point she's going to start wondering what the grass is like on the other side. Maybe she won't act on it. But I can guarantee you, she will wonder at the very least.
I'm sure this is not what you wanted to hear, but females are your target of choice, not men. So it's worth your while to pay attention to how women feel about the attitudes you've expressed here. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): The way you feel is 100% natural. For thousands of years, your ancestors felt this way because it increased their chances of raising only their own children and not having STDs showing up.
But these feelings have become inconvenient in the last 50 years now that there is widespread birth control. So you are being told by the culture that it's a character flaw instead of a healthy thing.
And STDs are still showing up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): finding a woman is like buying a car, it's up to you if you want one with low or high mileage. I dated this girl a few years ago i was 25 and she was 20 and she told me she'd slept with at least 40 guys, I ran for the hills and when a woman hits double digits in guys you should too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): What you say could be true with some people, but I think it goes both ways. I don't agree with you that it's up to the guy whether sex is good or not. That's a little narrow minded. I think it takes two people who really get each other to make good sex, and you have to work at it because sex with one person is different from sex with someone else.
If you are worried about "your" woman's sexual past, then find a virgin. They exist, many buy into your argument, and you will have a blank slate. Trust me though, she will eventually start wondering what it's like to be with others. If you are worried about your "technique", then up your game! It's easy to become a good lover if you care, if you communicate with your partner and if you respect them, that means their history, too.
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (15 June 2009):
 Army Medic is right the past does help people learn and become a stronger more independant person and become someone they thought they never could be.
why would you feel the need to compete?
i am sure the woman whom you'd be with wouldn't expect you to compete with her past.
i mean what if the sexual womans past was a rape?
or abuse and she felt too fragile to get imtimate would you feel the same then?
as this isn't the same thing as having many guys the girls slept with.
Everyone you're going to meet is going to have a past.
you just have to find a way of how to deal with it.
hope this helps. :)
x x x x x
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female
reader, missleprechaun84  +, writes (15 June 2009):
OK first of all, you need to stop basing the success of your relationship on the sex life alone. Quite often, the passion of the first few months when everything is new fades, and if that is all you were interested in, then the relationship really can't go anywhere from there.Second of all, I can't speak for all women, but for the most part, we do know that men feel threatened by our past relationships. That's why a general don't ask don't tell philosophy is best, at first anyway, until you can build up a base of trust and intimacy. But these days, there is no longer the general feeling in women that they should save themselves for their one true love, and we are sexual beings. We want to explore our sexual selves and enjoy the pleasure that sex brings as much as men do, and you can't vilify a woman for feeling this way. You need to trust that a woman is with you because she likes you, and if she's not with the previous guys, no matter how great the sex, then it shows that she is looking for more than just physical pleasure. Besides, how else is she supposed to get great at sex without a little practice?
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (15 June 2009):
I think each to their own, if you have a problem with it, well good luck in finding a Nun who is willing to marry you.
We all (well most of us) have some kind of past history and everyone is entitled to make mistakes and learn from them, people do change as they get older and you have to live with some things.
I think you are over reacting about the competing with past lovers.
Just remember someone's past makes them the person they are today and that may be the person you fall in love with!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): well everyone one is different some will see a past as experience and getting all youthfull folly out of their systemothers we see it as permiscousI don't think gender should be relevent.Personally I always want to be with someone of good morals and that means they will have rather been in relationships than one night stands but i think sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture. If they werre single had a bad break up and slept around for a bit but generally aren't like that then you need to be more understanding
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