A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it in My life that everything seems to be complicated?I either i have bad luck or i am doing something is wrong some where.Ever since my mother passed away when i was 16 years old..it has been a bumpy ride.Okay i have good intentions for my life.I went ahead and become an Engineer ..but jobs have been scarce....it took me 3years to get a job....the low paying job am working for as we speak I date a guy of my dreams, my first boyfriend but he cheated on me so much i ended the relationship.After 2 years of being single, i met someone, who loves me and we have a baby girl together with his daughter from a previous relationshipWhile i have been trying to adjust to this relationship.That is difficult as it is.So we are having the wedding in june,...but now stuff is getting more complicated.....For one my man seems to be having 2nd thoughts, even when he claims he loves me...he is slow in preparation, that even my family is beginning to think this is good ideaso here i am, knowing i can move the world but somehow the world is not movingHow come some of my friends seem to be going through life with limited challenges? As we speak some of my former classmates are PhD holders and have the best jobs ....yet me i can even hold down a wedding.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): You're the classic pessimist. You overlook the multitude of small blessings received; and apply too much focus on the mishaps and bad things that occur in your life.
Your job may be low-paying as compared to your friends with PhD's; but you're not unemployed. Do the best at what you do; and you'll get promotions, or a good reference from your present employer when a better opportunity comes along. They believed enough in you to hire you. Be grateful.
It is normal for relationships to go wrong, and to end-up finding yourself starting from scratch. As long as you are capable of loving and able to find love, you're doing quite well. For each relationship that failed, you learned something.
If you're engaged and ready to marry in a couple of months, that is a dream almost fulfilled. We have a famous country song from the 70's from a country artist named Loretta Lynne. The name of the song is: " I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden!" Life has ups and downs.
Love gets complicated. It sometimes ends in tragedy, but it has many good moments that should be cherished. That's life.
Everything that happens to us, happens for a reason. Either to tweak our survival skills, prepare us for a higher level of success, or to teach us how to avoid repeating self-destructive behavior. It prepares us to teach others how to survive. How to set example; because we know from experience what not to do. Then you know how to be a parent or a mentor. You've walked the walk, before you talked the talk.
If you look at everything as "bad-luck," you will find your cynical attitude will grow like choking vines. It will creep everywhere and choke your happiness, stunt your growth, and erase your memory of all your greatest accomplishments. You'll ignore all that is good, and you will even sabotage things to make them end badly just to make life predictable. If you foresee only failure, you will fail.
If you can always see success in your horizon or better times to come; and have the optimism to persevere through challenges, trials, and tribulation. That keeps you motivated, and always aware of your strength. In turn, that makes you a potentially successful person. Because you will not allow your pessimism to take-over and become "self-defeated."
The simpler the wedding, the easier you'll get through it.
Keep it small, affordably-elegant, and invite those dearest to you. It is normal for engaged-couples to get cold-feet or nervous, and/or have second-thoughts. The thought of spending a lifetime with one person is a very serious undertaking. It's scary. Sex with the same person, until death do you part?!!! Let me stop, or I'll scare you too!
Often times, planning a wedding scares the groom when there is too much drama and suspense. They fear that crazy "bridezilla" is the drama-queen he'll have to live with the rest of his life. Sometimes wedding-planning brings out the worst in people. Nerves get frazzled, and a lot of money gets spent. So give yourself breaks to keep nerves in check. Make sure you sit down together to make sure you're both still on the same page about it all. The wedding day is not the time to decide to run, and leave someone standing at the alter.
You have a child together; and even if he doesn't marry you, he shares responsibility as a parent. Divorcee's and survivors of tragic breakups are the flakiest when it comes to entering marriage or life-long commitment. They still carry old wounds from the past; so they will vacillate back and forth at the most inopportune times.
If he is marrying a pessimistic woman, who wouldn't have second-thoughts?
Focus on the positive, my dear! You are the master of your own fate. Make the best of every blessing, give thanks in all your behavior, carry a smile even when the situation is dire. You're only in your thirties, and you may live to be 90.
Enjoy your journey through life. People forget that life is a gift. It's far too short to notice only the worst in it.
I've lived through loss, grief, unemployment, re-employment, financial-hardship, success, re-found love, celebrated new births, made new accomplishments; and watched those succeed that I took time to give a hand.
It has made me a stronger person. I am blessed for all the gifts I have.
When I look back to where I've been from where I am, I give God thanks. Many I know are doing much worst, and some went to an early grave. My partner of 28 years was an accomplished lawyer, successful, handsome, brilliant. He died of cancer in his prime. He never expected that. So when you look back and see nothing but the bad, look forward to the future. Things do get better. Just celebrate and give thanks when they do, and the good will seem to prevail over the bad-luck in your life. You don't know when you're doing your best in life; unless you have something worse to compare it to!
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (27 April 2015):
 LIFE is the most simplest thing to live. We are the ones that make is complicated by what we say, things we do, things we hold on to, and the way we think.You are more concern about the things you don't have, rather than being content with what you do have. Who cares what your friends have, or how long it took you to get a job, or how much money you are making? Is it all legal? If yes, then awesome.You have someone who loves you, but you are worried about how fast or slow things are moving regarding your marriage...really?? You could still be single you know...just saying.You may have all the power in the universe to move the World, but if you don't have the power to move yourself and change the way you think, what good is all that power?Be happy with what you have...not what your husband have, friends have, or anything this world has...just be happy with you. Be thankful for everyday you wake up, able to smile, go to work safely, come home safely, for family, for people who love (here and now...not the past), be happy that you have the strength to go places on your own, and not have to depend on someone to push you in a wheel chair.So you see... life is very simple...we are the one that make it complicated.
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