A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 43 and would like to have a baby for the first time. I was married for 15 years but didn't try for a baby because my ex husband didn't want one. Since we divorced 5 years ago I hadn't met anyone with whom I could imagine having a child and didn't want to jump in and regret.... until 6 months ago. The man I am with is 5 years younger but very kind and thoughtful and we are in love. I feel like I am throwing caution to the wind in considering having a baby with him as I have known him such a short time but the biological fact is (and has been confirmed anyway through tests) that I am on the last drops of my fertility and it is pretty much now or never. I would like to try naturally first and if that does not work then maybe consider IVF. My problem I guess is that I have not told anyone other than a close female friend about my desire (and my boyfriend obviously who is keen!!). My parents are both in their 70's and I know my father considers it totally wrong for women to have babies in their 40's that they are too old - he has said so. I think they would be horrified and actually quite nasty. They bullied my sister about having an abortion (she didn't though) because she became pregnant outside of marriage at the age of 32! In other words I would not have their support and in addition they live 3 hours away from me. My sister lives overseas now so I would be relying on my boyfriends family for help - I do get on well with his Mum so that is a good start. I feel if I do not try now I will never know the joys of motherhood and life feels very empty for me at the moment - it is something I always imagined would be part of my life. As my boyfriend is younger and keen to have a family I should let him and the relationship go if I don't try. I worry about the health aspects and risks. Does anyone else have experience of having a baby later in life and was it a good decision?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015): I wish you all the best... but before you decide to put a new being on this Earth think about your motives. How selfish are they? What do you have to offer? Are you ready (mentally, emotionally, financially) to take care of the child by yourself (no bf, no family, no friends)? Do you have an answer to the question she/he may ask you: Why did you have me?I know that I'm being harsh, but too many women around me are having babies just because they feel like it, just because the clock is ticking, because they want to "cement" their relationship, because they'are afraid of growing old alone or losing purpose, or because they want someone to love and to love them unconditionally...I'm not saying that your parents are right, because they're not, the decision is yours, just make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons.I can't stress enough how important it is to be able to take care of the child by yourself. If you decide to have a hild, remember that all the decisions you make you'll be making for him/her too.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): Go for it! There's nothing wrong with having children at a more mature age - if anything it will probably make you a better mother, since you've had more life experiences. If your parents disapprove, ignore them! It sounds like you and your partner want this baby, so there's no reason why you shouldn't! If you don't have one now, you'll regret it later. My aunt recently went through menopause, which was a tough time for her, as she never had children, but really wanted them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2015):
 In my country we have the European record for late maternities. 1 out of 5 babies is born from a 40 plus mother.
So, for possible it is possible, and for happening- it happens often.
Of course this does not mean it is always a snap of fingers.
Going on with age, ovocites not only decrease in number but also worsen in quality. And ovaries, uterus and endometrium become less receptive .
The chance of a miscarriage at age 43 is rated at about 24 percent .
Age is also a relevant risk factor for chromosomic anomalies like Down syndrome ( 1 out of 35 babies after 45 y.o. ).
Said that,because it MUST be said, ... this is science , then there's ...just life :)
I could bore you to sleep reciting you the catalogue of all the women I know who had healthy babies in their 40's. ( Or more- my uncle's (by marriage ) mother had him at 52 ).
Again, see your OB/GYN, weight all pros and cons, think it over , then decide. In this decision, I think you can afford to ignore your parents' negative view. Not that they aren't entitled to have an opinion, as anybody else. But, if we want to be pragmatic, as for support, they live 3 hours away from you ! , it's not as if they could offer you much practical help anyway, regardless of what they think...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): p.s. I just posted earlier about higher prevalance of miscarriage. When I went to see the consultant for removal of the placenta etc., he was quite rude with me and told me I should not be "trying to get pregnant at my age" and was trying to put me on the mini-pill/fit a coil. I wouldn't allow it. But just to let you know you WILL have to deal with people who are very much against the idea. Some of them have good reason from a medical perspective, but some WILL be rude to you. I would get a thick skin now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): You are in the UK so your first port of call should be your GP, who will check your general health etc. etc.
He/she should also make you aware of the various risk factors, as everyone said, at your age, you will be a high-risk pregnancy if you do fall pregnant. I miscarried at 44 at 3 months, it was one of the most awful experiences in my life and I am now 46 and although my GP reassured me of this, that and the other, he never mentioned a higher miscarriage rate.
Please be aware of all the risk factors and if you're not already doing so, get healthy and stop smoking/drinking etc.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 April 2015):
 I will echo the "check with your OB/GYN" advice. And maybe consider the egg harvest.
As for the rest, IF you can handle a baby BY yourself, and with the help of your BF/his family, I'd stop worrying about your parents and what THEY want.
Chances of an healthy pregnancy and baby is a LOT lower after 35, you will have what's call HIGH RISK pregnancy, but it doesn't mean you can't do it.
One thing though MAKE sure you are doing this for you, not to try and keep a guy.
I'm 45, and have 3 kids. THERE is NO WAY I'd want to try for a 4th at my age. So I wish you good luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (27 April 2015):
 Hi,
Before you start trying to have a baby naturally do consult with a gynecologist and explore the possibility of the medical specialists harvesting a few eggs. Because every month you will lose a few more eggs. If natural conception does not occur in the first year or two you will still have the eggs harvested that can be used as a last resort, if nature is not co-operative.
Wishing you well with your endeavours. You have reached a point where everything feels right. If all works out well and you find your self pregnant and then have your baby in your arms I feel sure that you'll find it a very rewarding experience.
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