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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi all.Been a regular and even given a few advice of my own. I am at the moment unhappy and tired of being alone.I am in my mid 20's and never really had a long term relationship. Longest been 1 month. I have never had a one night stand and never done anything I regretted.But I have been wondering if something is wrong with me. I can't seem to like any girls by sight. Oh I find women extremely attractive, but never at first sight. You know what boys like, on a night out, "cor.. she's one fit bird". I take a look and can't see anything attraction.I tend to fancy girls I have know for a long while, problem is, by the time I realised I would like them more than a friend they are gone. Often in the arms of another.It is starting to bring me down. I have lots of friends but they just can't understand me. Am I weird? Often my friends say that it is cos I see the grass on the other side to be greener.What should I do? How can I let a fiend know how much she mean to me? I have no trouble talking to a random stranger, be it a woman or a man, but why do I find asking a friend out so hard?
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (22 September 2006):
 You worried that because they are a friend that saying something may cause a problem and make things uncomfortable between you but I would say something as there is a 50/50 chance that they might be feeling the same way and thinking the same as you, you've got nothing to lose and if they are a true friend and don't feel the same way they won't let this get in the way of the friendship you share.
No there is nothing wrong with you, I am the same I have to know someone before I am attracted to them aswell it's about being attracted to someone for more than what they look like.
A
female
reader, red.roses.88 +, writes (22 September 2006):
Let me first start by apologising because I'm unable to give you any advice on this subject mainly because I'm in exactly the same position.
When I fancy a guy it's usually one that ive known for a while and therefore is a friend and I completely agree with you it is hard and I'm so glad I'm not the only person that this happens too! I just wanted to let you know your definately not weird - its normal.
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A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (22 September 2006):
 Hey,
You find it hard to ask out your friend because there's a chance he/he'll say no and that'd cause a problem in your friendship. I wish I could invent a way for someone to check the feelings of their friends before they ask them out - I'd be a millionnaire!! In the meantime I guess that's what the playgound-ish 'my friend fancies you' is all about!!
But back to your question..... You don't sound weird to me. What your friends are saying when they comment on a 'fit bird' (ugh I hate that) is not that they love her - but they find her very attractive - and for most of us, love is built on more than just how someone looks. Does love at first sight happen?? Who knows? Maybe the others here can answer that for you.
I wish I could give you some firm advice about asking out your friend. I'd say talk to her and try and guage how she feels, but I know how hard that can be to do. It's much easier over MSN and email - ask her about the qualities she wants in a partner - do they sound like you???
Good luck with it, let us know how it goes!
Anon2907
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