A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dealing with a man who is having difficulty handling Love and handling it very strangely. I am concerned for his wellbeing.Well I met this guy a month and some days ago who from what I was told by many, he was a bad boy you know AKA player playa. So when my friend thought of hooking us up, i laughed and said No several times. But after much persistent I agreed to a double date. I knew right there we were gonna hit it off. He is my match in different ways. I thought I will go for a free dinner and movie and not answer his calls. But things changed after that night. I actually liked him and he liked me. He has been calling me everyday since then. During our conversation he told me before he met him he was telling his friend that he is 36 and has never fallen in love before and he doesn't even know how he feels. He is a selfish man and have hurt many women so now he wants to settle down but he is concerned he will never be in love with the woman. But alas homeboy has fallen deeply in love with me. I know because he is doing every strange thing a man does to fight the feeling. Oh especially a profound player who had women falling on his feet.Well I am flattered and also concerned. I have read books after my heart was broken two years ago so I have a thick skin when it comes to Love now. Maybe these books I've read has finally given me the key to have men flock around you and want to stay and commit because I actually have three guys doing the same thing.I want this particular guy to be the one I finally choose to be mine but his ways is scaring me. A manly man acting like a little school boy having a crush is not flattering. He was begging me yesterday to mess up or doing something mean to turn him off. He hates how he feels because he feels like he is going to be broken. I find it fascinating that he has never felt like this before. Thought most players play because they fell in love and got heart broken.Now if I want to keep this man, what should I do. How can I help subdue these feelings he is feeling that is making him act like a child and rushing the relationship? I am confused, should I call him more, pay him more attention? I feel bad that I am using the rules on him. He is a nice guy but I'm safeguarding my heart by playing the rule so I can't stop now. I want the ultimate price which is the ring and a settled guy. If I stop he will not learn. gotta train them right? Well I didn;t know it will end up like this lolHelp me guys Help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): You sound like you like the power play and having him at your mercy. You sound like you love the idea of conquering this 'player'.
My advice is good luck with building a relationship based on bulls hit games.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe rules are played even you don't intend to play. Trust and believe. Its what I've noticed anytime you let a man know you love them the chase is over and there is no challenge. He does not yearn for you anymore or want and desire you as much. You have to fuel that burning desire by teaching him like you say.
Like I said we just met. He's moving too fast. I'm teaching him to slow down and get to know me as a woman and my worth. He is having difficulty controlling his feelings. I've been in love before and I know that crazy feeling. This is his first time. I believe him not by what he says but by his actions.
My first time falling in love, I made mistakes too. He's doing it and can't control himself. I feel bad for him. He craves me all the time. I'm keeping busy because that's what works for me contrary to the rules. Therefore he gets little attention from me. No pun intended but it's just gonna have to be like that for now.
He has a kid and I don't think he really minds being single. Age is not the determining factor. He just finally met his match.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): Honestly - I don't think this guy is moving too fast because he's in love with you. It's only been a month. I think he's moving too fast because he's a player and saying that he loves you is his way of trying to get you into bed.
I'm not a big fan of "The Rules" but in your case I think you need them because it is a way of weeding out players. If you continue to apply the rules more than 3 months and he seems just as keen on you - then maybe I'm wrong. But most players will start to lose interest...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell if that is the case he is short. I don't plan on putting out and I am set in my ways already. No sex before monogamy or possibly marriage.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 August 2014):
 We can "cut to the quick" swiftly with your submittal.
Let's concentrate upon your: "....I am dealing with a man who is having difficulty handling Love..." and interpret that.....
What you are REALLY dealing with, is a man who is having difficulty handling SEX!!!!!
Please understand just how outrageously we guys will act, when we have a woman "on the hook" who seems likely to put out for us..... We will say, or do, ANYTHING to land her!
YOU are struggling with this because you think that you should BELIEVE things that he sez. What is ACTUALLY the case, is that he is saying WHATEVER HE MUST to get you to put out...
Please try reviewing what you're told us here, through glasses that take in to account what I've told you. I think you'll have a whole different perspective on the matter, once you do that....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe rules are played even you don't intend to play. Trust and believe. Its what I've noticed anytime you let a man know you love them the chase is over and there is no challenge. He does not yearn for you anymore or want and desire you as much. You have to fuel that burning desire by teaching him like you say. Like I said we just met. He's moving too fast. I'm teaching him to slow down and get to know me as a woman and my worth. He is having difficulty controlling his feelings. I've been in love before and I know that crazy feeling. This is his first time. I believe him not by what he says but by his actions.My first time falling in love, I made mistakes too. He's doing it and can't control himself. I feel bad for him. He craves me all the time. I'm keeping busy because that's what works for me contrary to the rules. Therefore he gets little attention from me. No pun intended but it's just gonna have to be like that for now.He has a kid and I don't think he really minds being single. Age is not the determining factor. He just finally met his match.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (2 August 2014):
I don't really understand why you would want to settle down with someone who is unsure about his own worth. I am not particularly fond of rules and games because you can have 100 guys flock around you or date less then 3 people over 10 years and the end result can be the same = single. The end goal is just to find one person to settle with.
You teach people how to treat you. If you show your interest, set your standards then you can gauge for yourself if he is actually worth being a life partner. Once he knows of your intentions and worth as a woman, he will want you.
My opinion is that he does not make a suitable future partner as it stands because he does not know his own worth as a man. This is not something a woman can bring out. I think he just wants to settle down due to his age. At the same time, it is hard to understand why you also want to settle down as I do not think you are handling this in the right way. Playing the game and using rules, I think, is only meant to have fun.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh I don't want him to change. I don't even think I know what he needs to change. He's been really a gentleman with me contrary to what I've heard. I am not in love and won't for a while. I don't think he's playing games at all. Yes hurting badly I see it. Been there before.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 August 2014):
 A player boy may be charming at first but what you described about him would turn me off instantly. Like resisting love and you said it yourself, it's not so flattering. It's flattering when you are the first woman he's falling for, but how do you know he didn't do this trick with other women in the past? The books you read sell very well because it appeals to women's insecurity and need for approval. I don't like those books because it makes women feel that all they are doing is wrong and the author talks to women like they are either children or idiots. Once you play the game you have to play it forever and at the end the prize is not so endearing for you to keep playing. I think he is 36 and wanting to settle down because women his age are getting wiser and it would be creepy for him to keep chasing younger girls, not necessarily because he wants a real relationship. So his game plan is changing, not his mind set though.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2014):
 You assume... presume... that he will CHANGE for you. Or that YOU can change him.
I think that is the wrong notion from the get go.
HE is who he is. You can play ALL the games and try all the "strategies" you want, but he will still be WHO he is.
And in the end, the only one you are fooling is you.
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