A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:just a tought. why is it totally acceptable for girls the use of vibrators / stimulators and when it comes to males, the use of them makes you be seen as a perv, weirdo, looser... etc, etc... im in a ldr and we see each other every 3 months. My gf told me once she sometimes uses a dildo to help herself, when i asked her if she would be ok with the fact that i may buy some toy for my own pleasure she said it would be weird. why can females have the aid of some device for their own pleasure and men cant? i have urges too and i dont want to cheat on my girlfriend.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (30 December 2013):
Because evolution has dictated as men we should be able to get our sexual satisfaction from women. The converse is less true for women.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I don't see why men can't have any toys. It's up to the guy. NOT his GF.
Though I DO think there is such a double standard because many women are ONLY able to get orgasms from vibrators not insertion toys. Men, well all they need is a good right hand, UNLESS they want prostate stimulation.
Maybe because most toys are DIRECTED at women. Straight or gay. I mean you will find plenty of toy websites that cater MAINLY to women.
I would ask her why it's OK for HER to have toy but not for you. Other then weird and eww.. That is not an answer.
I have seen more men having problems with women having toys then not, honestly.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (29 December 2013):
Dear OP,
I don't have a problem with a guy using sex toys. And I agree this is just a double standard.
But to explain the "why": I guess that men using sex toys is quickly associated with men being passive, using butt plugs or dildos. Which I think is completely fine, I mean, why shouldn't you be allowed to do anything you please? But in a society which is still discriminating towards passive, effeminate or gay traits in men, it seems to be a sign of weakness. In other words, if a woman sticks something up any hole, it's okay, even kinky/sexy or dirty in a good way, if a man does it, it's not.
Don't let your girlfriend criticise you. Yes, some men don't use toys to satisfy their needs. They watch porn, hire prostitutes, have ONS with a drunk girl or go to strip clubs instead. Might seem less "weird" and more manly, but I doubt she would prefer it that way?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I have no issue with men having toys... butt plugs, vibrators, fleshlights. Why not?
Your GF has a "lovely" double standard.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Women have the unfair advantage that they can't orgasm vaginally easily. The toys are designed to hit the G spot and some of them also stimulate the clit simultaneously.
I am also aware of the double standard when it comes to sex. When women watch porn they are liberated, in touch of their animalistic desires but when men watch it they are cheating on their wives or losers who can't find women.
When she said she's going to use a dildo, did you feel weird?
I guess she felt weird because most men use their hands. Going to the store to get a flesh light is considered unnecessary.
In a shopping mall, 80% of all products are for women. Women are the gender that need all kinds of accessories. For a man to demand equality in this area is weird. When was the last time you wanted a hang bag just because a woman has it? It's common practice for a woman to get boob jobs. If a man gets a six pack implant then he gets some raise eyebrows. I think it's agreed that women are the consumer gender for glamourous stuff while men just need the basics, like tools and food.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (29 December 2013):
I obviously can't answer for all women but I personally don't think there's anything weird about men using sex toys at all. It's the exact same thing as when women use them. Perhaps there is more of a stigma attached to men's toys since women's ones are so common and easy to buy now whereas men's ones are less so, but regardless there is no harm at all in either in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I'm not sure you can generalize the answer given by your girlfriend and assume that all women feel the same way. Based off my own personal experiences and those of my friends who have shared details of their sex lives with me in the past, I do think it's more common for men to use porn and women to use toys, but there's no reason why it HAS to work that way. If you wanted to use one in bed in front of her, or for her to use one on you, she would be within her rights to say the act didn't turn her on, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're after here anyway.
I don't personally care for sex toys (I much prefer the real thing, or failing that, porn) but if I kept and used them I certainly would not demand that my partner abstain from owning them if he felt like it. As the saying goes, turnabout is fair play. I actually can't think of any good reason in a relationship why one partner should be allowed to do something while the other is not - it's not fair and unless the person who is restricted from the option happens to be a martyr, they'll resent that lack of equality in the long run.
I think you should ask your girlfriend directly why she's bothered by the prospect of you using a toy and go from there. All we can do here is take guesses. I'm willing to bet that if you explain that it will help you to keep from looking elsewhere while you are apart, you will suddenly find her willing to approach the subject with a more open mind.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, 123Peterpan +, writes (29 December 2013):
Men are able to use their hands effectively so why do they need toys, it's wrong to make that assumption, but many people see it this way. Also, woman tend to get less pleasure than men while having sex with other people so self pleasure gets the job done.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Who told you that there's any difference between men - and women - as far as using $ex toys? Whoever it was... they:
A. Are wrong, and,
B. Owe you the explanation that you seek, here....
Good luck....
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