A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is it easier for some people to find partners than it is for others?After my most recent relationship broke down back in February, my ex girlfriend had herself a new partner within weeks of the split (they are still together to this day). I on the other hand haven't had a partner since. I've dated, I've had a fling, but I haven't been able to established a relationship. Knowing that she moved on so quickly while I haven't been able to only makes my situation harder to accept.I know that it is widely believed that girls have it easier than guys when it comes to finding partners anyway, but I know plenty of guys who always have women on their arms. They get in to a relationship and if it doesn't work out they find themselves another one almost instantaneously.I'm only in my early twenties, but I feel like I'm missing out on so much by not having a girlfriend. Since the split I've told myself not to rush and to improve myself before I start looking for a new girl, but I'm growing impatient now. I've taken good care of myself, dropped some weight, been working out regularly... But I don't feel like it's gotten me any closer to finding a partner. What does a guy have to do?! Any advice would be welcome, thanks.
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male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 these things are a bit random. I haven't had a proper relationship for more than a year. I've had a couple of phases of leaning on unsuitable people. we are all relationship dependant to a point. but while out of a relationship there are moments when a couple of people are attracted to you and thats exciting. being sociable and looking for those maybe moments is a great way to go. it doesn't happen instantly it creeps up on you but you have to put yourself out there. getting out there is exciting to because you get olutside your comfort zone and people look at you. lets face it we are all looking for love and you are one of us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much!
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 Well I wish you the very best in finding the type of woman that you want. I know you'll be o.k. Just continue to be positive, and read as much as you can on the subject of women, dating, and relationshipsGood luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the support Anon, I hope you're right!
Daniel, nice to hear from you again. I understand and acknowledge that there are huge difference between talking to guys and talking to girls. I was only trying to make the point that I don't feel overly nervous when talking to women. You are right though, it'd be nice to get some tips on talking to women and on how to read their body language. As far as being relationship dependent goes - I've tried to be (and have been) happy and single. My problem is that after a while I get bored of single life and feel like I'm wasting time. It's silly I know, but I get sucked into that frame of mind and takes it's toll on my daily moods. I guess I just need to keep working on it!
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (9 August 2011):
That's great that you are a well spoken guy. And judging from your response, I could tell that you're intelligent- and a good learner as well. Both of those are good qualities to learning how to meet more women. But what you should know is that there is a difference when you're talking to someone of the opposite sex- rather than someone from the same. The communication is translated and received a lot different. Which is why you would need to focus on HOW to talk to WOMEN.There are many books and articles on the internet that focus specifically on reading body language. But some positive cues I could give you- if a woman is interested she'll... flirt, smile a lot, lean slightly in your direction, mirror your actions, and most important TOUCH (whether it's on the shoulder or hand to make a comment/point during conversation, this is the ultimate positive cue you could ever receive from a woman). And you've mentioned to Mike that you've always been relationship dependent. Well maybe you should change that right now. Focus more on being happy- even if you're not in a relationship. THEN you could focus on dating and having fun. And when you've just met a woman or you are on a date be process-oriented as well as opposed to outcome-oriented. Just learn to enjoy the art of dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): After our breakup, my ex-boyfriend was MARRIED to another woman before I started dating anyone new. In fact, I'd actually stopped looking for love, believing too many factors in my life at the time were working against me. Did I have many second thoughts during this time? You bet. Do I regret my decision to end things with my ex? Not at all, because the person I am with now is right for me in all the deal-breaking ways my ex was not.My point is this: you can't rush things. One day, you will meet a girl who's great for you, and you for her. No one here can tell you when that will happen, and it may be at a time and place you least expect, so be open-minded. In the meantime, enjoy life, and try not to let it bother you. I know it's probably hard to hear (and believe) when you're feeling lonely, but there are definitely aspects of being single that you'll miss when you're committed to someone again. Best wishes :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. Here is my response -
Daniel - I'm not sure what I need to work on. I'm a fairly well spoken guy. Whether talking to guys or girls, I see no difference. Granted I may seem a little nervous at times, but I don't let it get in the way. I can only think that I'm not great at reading body language, but I'm not sure what I'm suppose to look for. Where does one learn how to improve on this? Admittedly I don't go out on a mission to get dates. I socialise with friends, but I rarely talk to women while I'm out. Mostly because I have no real reason to and because I'm supposed to be hanging out with the guys. I keep a positive attitude at all times as this helps emanate confidence, something women love in a man. Feel free to add anything else, I'd appreciate it.
Mike - That's just it, I've always been relationship dependant. It used to be that I would never be happy unless I had a girlfriend. I've tried to alter this over the past several months, but I'm feeling quite low about it at the moment. Furthermore, if the opportunity to start a relationship had come along I would have taken it, like my ex has done. I would love to say that I would have said "no" to a relationship so soon after my break up, I'm just not sure I would have done. My ex is similar to me in this sense because she jumped on the first guy that showed her any interest after me. Now she and him are happy and I don't have anyone. It really is a downer for me. Maybe it shouldn't be, but it is! Thanks for the support though, feel free to add more.
Anon - What specifically should I try to improve on? I'm quite a confident guy, decent looking, well spoken... what am I missing? Please elaborate.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): Some guys have it, some don't. The good news is that you can work on yourself to make yourself more attractive. Work on your social skills and your passions in life. But by all means, stop being so desperate for a relationship, women can sense that and block you out.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (9 August 2011):
you are doing better than your ex-girlfriend. you need time to collect yourself after a relationship ends and establish yourself as you, which is what you are doing. some people just fall out of one relationship into another because they are relationship dependant. you are not which is the best. you will find a new girl when you have gathered your resources and you are ready. as far as finding another woman, go social and get to know groups of people through walking groups, learning groups and other interest groups. it just happens, no effort required. take care.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (9 August 2011):
While it's true that some people may seem to have all the luck in meeting someone, you may just need to work on a few things to meet some more women. And if you meet the right person, the work may've been worth it.You're doing all the right things by getting yourself together physically but...* how are your conversation skills with women? What you say is VERY important when it comes to meeting women. You should also be aware of your/her body language.* are you maximizing your opportunities? Are you putting yourself in environments where you can talk to/meet more women? Try online/offline dating services, go to malls, etc.* are you thinking more positive? Tell yourself that you're worthy of a relationship...and remind yourself that you have been in a relationship (or relationships) before- and obviously there were things that initially made her want to be with you. Hope this helps!
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