A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for four years, I work full time whilst he is studying in university. The thing is I sometimes feel like our relationship is boring because of him. We don’t live together and I go to his every weekend and it’s always the same, we stay in bed and watch TV and then cook tea for his whole family.Don’t get me wrong we have lots of nice stuff arranged for future, were going on holiday, and I’ve also planned us going hiking one weekend and a theme park another. But if I don’t plan anything we do nothing! We do live in the middle of nowhere and there is barely anything to do but he refused to say what we could do. I work so hard in the week so some weekend I would like to do something. But he says Id rather just cuddle in bed, I love that don’t get me wrong but when I am in work Monday and people ask what I’ve done I don’t like to say “I just watched TV all weekend” I love it some weekends and its nice but recently its every weekend. It’s a bank holiday weekend this one and I asked him to choose something and he has refused. Why is it always down to me? Money isn’t the problem in the slightest. I just want more instead of being at his surrounded by his family and then cooking for them after. I need to change this routine. Its so annoying me planning everything all the time. I feel like a very boring twenty one year old right now
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015): Well, as I can recall when I was in college; sleep and rest came at a premium.
I was a cadet at a military college; which means you're up at 5:00 am, you do calisthenics, run three miles, march around with a fake gun, then classes. The curriculum is one of the toughest; so I had to study day and night in order to maintain a high GPA. If I got three or four hours of sleep, I was pretty lucky. It was a closed-campus to the public; so I could spend all night studying in the library. I used to see guys passed-out with their faces buried in a book. Snoring! They ran us ragged, and the professors were sadistic!
My first two years were the toughest, the last two I had my routine laid-out. My roomies more or less dragged me away from my desk to teach me how to balance my schedule to include study, rest, and some fun. As a freshman, you're making a lot of adjustments, and it takes time to sort out a routine that works to include "more" in "less" time. I was in the active military before that, and all I knew how to do was get up early, work like a machine, and early to bed. I lived for my weekends off. College was different, and upperclassman taught me the ropes.
Once I adapted; I was able to hangout with my buddies, date, I did volunteer work for community outreach, I played sports, and made a lot of friends with the locals. It didn't interfere with my study-time as much; because I learned how to budget time. I think he's burying himself in study, and runs out of steam. Then all he feels like doing is resting.
You have to motivate your boyfriend to budget his time for fun and recreation. That is how you avoid academic-burnout, not by just lying around doing practically nothing. Your body and brain need stimulation. He needs distraction.
He's a homebody, while you're active and outgoing. That's a slight incompatibility there, and you may not be able to change that. You may have to adjust to the role of being the
activity-planner in your relationship. You're probably better at coordinating activities and have a more creative mind when it comes to having fun or setting up dating plans. He lives out in the boonies, and he's used to just hanging close to the family. Maybe a bit of a hayseed or country-mouse.
Alternate your visits. Let him come to you. If it's too much trouble for him to do that; he's just lazy, and he's using you to come in and be the maid a few times a week.
He probably gets sex, cuddles, and just lies around and does nothing but watch TV. That's what he likes to do. People who live on the outskirts are usually very lay-back and they don't venture much into the city for a lot of noise and running about. You picked the wrong guy if that's what you want.
You'll either have to adapt to his family-structure and habits, or find another boyfriend who likes to do what you like to do. An active and outgoing-guy with a knack for planning dates, and plenty of energy to do stuff.
Never go into a relationship with the intent to change people to suit you. If you have to do that, it means you're incompatible as a couple, and you're two very different types of people.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 May 2015):
 You want to do more. So do more on a weekend! You live in the middle of nowhere, you say, but you can walk the dog or hike with a picnic.
Obviously this continues the routine that if you don't plan it, it doesn't happen.
What I think you may be coming to realize is that you and he have different ideas of how to unwind.
"I just want more instead of being at his surrounded by his family and then cooking for them after." I would too.
Ask him over to yours every other weekend. You set the plans then.
He gets to plan on your off weekend. If his choice is to sleep in and then you make tea for his family, that's how he likes to spend his weekends.
If you want more, you will have to make more happen for you. He's obviously comfortable with how things are going every weekend.
But don't make this about having an answer for your co-workers' question. What you do on a weekend should be about your interests and your energy level... not about needing a brag to get through the week with competitive co-workers.
Isn't this about the time people in uni are revising? And they need every single moment available to get the best grades?
Give him the time and quiet he seems to need to revise and study. You go out and burn off that energy that you have with other friends. If your friends are busy, then go for long walks, to the gym, learn a language, dance, move your 21 year old energetic self!
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 May 2015):
 One of the compatabilities that is necessary for a relationship to succeed, is that of energy/activity.....
Your's and B/F's seem to be quite disparate. YOU have to decide if you can continue to be satisfied with his sedentary approach to life and the activities that you two share... OR, if you'd so like to have a B/F more in concert with YOUR's (approach to life).... Your choice...
Good luck....
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