A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is everyone so obsessed with social media and networks. I've just started a new job and genuinely the first thing this girl said was do you have Facebook? I find it ridiculous that I should have to be 'friends' with people I don't want as people add everyone and anyone but I do not.I wasn't going to say no because I do they can find me but I don't want them on it. I said sure I'll find you! But I don't want them to add me. How do I deal with this? I have been asked 7 times now this week from various people and 2 have found me!!! It is upsetting me. Please help.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 May 2015):
if you cant find the setting to change who can find you, just make it so that only friends of friends can add you. When i get nuisance friends requests, either from strangers or a-holes who I dont want to accept, I just leave them there without adding or declining, just click "hide". It is ridiculous to have to do all this because people are nosy but I am a private person and if I dont want someone to be friends with me I wont allow it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 May 2015):
 I'd just say I'm keeping Facebook for family & friends only. That way I can keep work and my private life separate.
I wouldn't lie or make up obscure excuses, just be honest.
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A
male
reader, mfj78 +, writes (2 May 2015):
Bloody social media! I went on Facebook a few years back for the first time and within minutes (I have a common surname) I had received umpteen friend requests from total strangers who clearly just wanted to raise their self worth by having more "friends". Each to their own of course and im sure you gentle reader are a sensible social media user. Yet some people are obsessed with SM - checking their phones when driving, sat on the toilet, during sex, while giving birth....I don't get it. I have been in a work environment where social media turns grown men and, sorry if this sounds sexist, women in particular into childish, bitchy children. Staff in tears because someone stopped following them on twitter, others arguing as to who has the most "friends". For goodness sake whats wrong with people?!Social Media has changed us as a society. Now its become almost a contest with those with lots of followers posing with their phones and acting like gods gift, and those that don't sulking or trying to remember the name of a temporary dentist they had in 1986 so they can add him to bump up their friend count. So many people now seem to have deep insecurities about their "status" on FB or the number of retweets they are getting, etc. Reality and the front and bullshit gets blurred - some people use Twitter to tweet every detail of their lives. WTF???Do I really want to check twitter every thirty seconds and see that Jim down the road has just had a slight firmer than usual bowl movement? Or that Aunty Ann has just burnt 237 callories on a bike or that my girlfriends sister has just had toast for breakfast? And to think people die everyday on the roads because of drivers being distracted by this crap!!My guess is that a few years from now our right hands will disappear and be replaced by a phone as part of our anatomy. Some people, otherwise sane and rational, seem to have a smart phone glued to their hand: at work, when driving, cooking, making love, wiping their backside - all performed with their left hand (or right hand if left handed) so the good hand can caress the phone just in case they need to react to that "urgent" earth shattering facebook message that says "drink wine LOL".I have a friend who uses facebook and he has lots of people who added him from school who also asked him if I was on social media. These were people I went to school with, haven't seen since 1994 when I left and would know from Adam. or even for that matter. Yet after twenty odd years they want to add me? Of course according to FB our class mates who my friend added to his social media sites all now have "perfect" wives or girlfriends, high flying jobs or are running their own business and making a fortune (really?)and drive sports cars. Oh and they all still have a full set teeth, all their own hair and are being head hunted by top multi national companies....! Im lucky - I work for an organisation where non of them have social media (as they are all old) so its not a problem. But in previous jobs I had the same issue as our OP. Thankfully I am not on any social media sites (so dont get looking for me ladies) so I could use that as an excuse but even then the reaction to me saying im not on FB or Twitter was as though I had announced I was a child abuser or mass murdered. It reminds me of a childrens story called the balaclava boys. A story of a childs exclusion from his friends "gang" because he didn't have a complete ridiculous piece of headware. I felt the same way when I told my coworkers I didn't use social media - I was straight away labelled as an outsider and not to be trusted. I was not in their gang of insecure idiots all competing the get the most attention. Bit like Clint Eastwood riding into town in those films but a lot younger and much shorter and I don't ride a horse. Although if I had a .44 Magnum on my hip I would happily of made my day and fired off either five or six shots at those punks who fawned all over their mobile phones 24/7. I once worked with a woman S-- who was not happy that another person was getting loads of facebook and twitter attention as she had announced she was having a baby. ("Yet another kick LOL") So that afternoon at work I saw S-- hanging around the stairs and acting weird. She didn't see me so I watched her gently position her bag on the stairs, kick off a shoe and get her self into a position of almost lying on the stairs and then she cried out for help. People came running and S-- made out she had fallen down the stairs! An ambulance came and she loved the attention of it. Giggling as the handsome young paramedic examined her and making a big show of being carted off to hospital. Pathetic. All because she couldn't cope with someone else, presumably not someone she even knows in real life, was getting more attention than her. Does everyone on social media think they are a celebrity? Seriously? Its crazy!! The way people act, they way they behave is something I cant understand. Again im not saying all users of social media are like that but in a general sense its as though people value their facebook status more than anything else. Real friends, true friends can go piss in the wind as long as they have 567,987 followers on twitter to stroke their ego. Mark(not on face book, Twitter or only engage with REAL friends)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both of your comments. I have tried to find where you can't be searched for in the search field yet that.option doesn't seem to be there now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015): I agree with the other answers you have received. I dont add work colleagues to my facebook. For me, work is work and my personal life is private. I like the people I work with, I just dont want to have more "work" related stuff when I get home. Im a bit weird that way, lol
I have a distinctive name so I can usually be found online, but I dont post any photographs of me. Not one. My facebook profile picture is my dog. Perhaps you could change yours to something less personal too. It might deter others from adding you if they arent certain it is you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2015): You do realise you have to actually say YES to a friend request? You can say NO. And that's that.
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (2 May 2015):
the first answer is spot on. Tell them yes but you never log in, change all your privacy settings. Make it so that people cant find you by searching your name, only friends of friends can add you, only friends/friends of friends can message you. Then make everything private on your page (visible to friends only) including photos and especially your profile photos. You will need to change each profile photo individually to private. This way they cant know how recent the current profile photo was as it wont show the date the photo was uploaded to non friends.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 May 2015):
 With Facebook (and I assume with other sites) you can change your settings so that your profile doesn't show up in the public directory. That way no one can 'find' you. You can also choose who can send you messages (friends or friends of friends).
If anyone asks if you have a Facebook account tell them you seldom sign in and you've been thinking of cancelling it (even if it isn't true).
You might want to turn off the chat option. I do because I don't like being pounced on or having my time monopolized.
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