A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, two months agoi got a transfer to another office so now i have this big problem with my supervisor. She is dating someone at work who is much younger than her, so now this toy boy of her's like to play with me as we are working together. Recently she is on my case about my personal life about why i dont have kids and why dont i have a boyfriend. I took it lightly the first time she asked me because i thought she was a conserned supervisor, then i end up telling her that i have lost my boyfriend through suicide a year ago and that i don't have a child because i believe that i have to be married first in order to have a child. Sometimes she will talk to me and make some nasty comments that she had a child when she was 19 uears and at that time she was young and able to have a kid. Yesterday again she asked me about my age and about do i have an infertility problem as i dont have kids. Imagine i have to answer that? So my question is should i tell her to bag off and mind her own business or should i just ignore her, because when i ask people with this issue the're saying she is insecure about the fact i'm her toy boy's age group. So maybe (she thinks) i might snatch him from her and my answer was to them i would never date at work and i wouldnt date someone like that guy.Because i mean he depends on woman which means he is not my type.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2015): It's very very simple. Be neither curt nor confrontational.
She is abusing her authority, and setting you up for insubordination.
Ignore her personal-questions and ask her a question regarding work. Don't be snarky. Changing the subject is always a tactful way of dealing with intrusive-questioning from a supervisor. If it has nothing to do with work, you don't have to answer the question.
If she persists; just smile, and say: "I know you're very involved and concerned for me, but I'm really fine. Your questions are often very personal, and they don't really fall inline with work or company policy. So if it's okay with you, I'd like to keep my personal-life private. I don't wish to answer personal questions anymore."
She is concerned that you're single, and her boyfriend is being a get-about, flirt, and trouble-maker. She can't control him, so she's faulting you. You have to stop wimping around and be assertive. Suggest directly to him that he let you do your job in peace, and you wish to be left alone. Take it to Human Resources if you don't know how to standup for yourself. Being a professional requires savvy and tactfulness.
It sounds like your job has absolutely no business protocol, ethics, or structure. Maybe it's time to consider another place to work.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 May 2015):
 I would try to first totally ignore the question, if he she asking I'd just state CLEARLY that you believe KIDS come AFTER marriage.
OR even better, tell her it's YOUR personal business. But say it with a smile. And EVERY TIME she asks.. give her the same answer.
You can also use the SWITCH topics method. Every time she asks a personal quest ANSWER her with a question regarding work or the weather, the news....
Don't talk about her with other co-workers as it can cause more problems for you. And... I would tone down the "play time" with the guy.
BE professional. Be courteous and if you DO NOT want to give her personal info like your fertility... then DO NOT answer the question.
YOU are by no means OBLIGATED to fuel her insecurities by answering intrusive questions.
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