A
female
age
30-35,
*haunananana
writes:I am in a very serious relationship with a boy. We are engaged and everything. One thing really bothers me though... His family is constantly trying to get him to talk to or get back with one of his ex's (and If it doesn't work with one they move to the next.) My boy says it means nothing and he isn't going anywhere. but why is his family trying to split us up... ? (I treat him way better than any of his ex's ever did and I am always very polite to them so what's their problem?) Should I worry?
View related questions:
engaged, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hello
I don’t know if anyone will have a direct answer to your question because it’s so hard, not because your question is unique but because almost every girl experiences the same predicament. Why do families react so negatively towards the prospective daughter-in-laws?
Maybe in your case the problem is that you are always trying to prove to them that you are better than any of his exes and this give them enough ammunition to prove to him that you are wrong for him because you are not yourself. You know what its hard to please in-laws they will always find fault. I think in their eyes you are an enemy who has come to steal their son, brother etc whom they have come to love and cherish as their own; do you think if you were to cut him in half they were gonna accept you because you were to receive the left half and them the right half? I think you will still fight for the same half. That’s how complicated this is. I don’t even think if you ask them why they are trying so hard to come between the two of you will get a straight answer.
One thing you must never loose in a relationship is yourself, you don’t have to prove to him that you are better than all his exes, he knows that and that’s why he is with you not them. Focus on your man he is the only one you should make happy. You need to understand that families are very protective of their own and the reason they do not like you is that they think he loves you more than them and the fact that you are to marry him unsettles them because they are afraid of loosing him. Stupid really but not necessarily its natural for them to feel the way they do, it’s just the fear of the unknown. However their interference and behaviour is not acceptable and should not be ignored. This guy might never marry all the girls will get tired of his family and move on. Which means this is not up to you to call his family to order it’s his job to do that, he need to be honest with his family he cannot constantly tells you its nothing while you are seeing something because you are the one receiving hit while he receives love, he must handle this now before it drives you apart.
Do you know why his past relationships fell apart? Maybe they followed the same pattern. Do not allow yourself to be intimidated and manipulated by this people; be clear with your partner about this. If he doesn’t resolve this maybe you may have to consider other options like break-up because his family will not stop interfering when u get married they will want to control his marriage too.
So be aware of this behaviour I am sure almost 90% of all the women who are married and to be married will share the similar predicament with you. This behaviour it’s not new you will probably do it to your future daughter in-law.. I gez after receiving such treatment from them you have wondered yourself believe me it’s so weird. But still it doesn’t justify their actions.
Jovial
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hmm... this is kind of bad. I'm not sure what advice to offer you on this specific case, but here's something I thought about reading your question. If your boyfriend (soon to be husband)'s family is meddling in his life now, do you think it would get better if you were to get married to him? I mean, can't you see that the possibility of them inserting themselves into your marriage is rather high if they're doing it now... that would give me enough reason to be worried for the future and I hope this makes you think about it too.
While your BF/fiancee is ignoring them for now, I'm wondering if they'll "wear him down" eventually. Maybe between the two of you, you should figure out what the family hopes to achieve here... is their motivation to get rid of you or fix him up with an ex because they might like her better.
I guess you've got clear reason to worry...
...............................
|
