A
female
age
36-40,
*lizabeth1986
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He is wonderful and I cant honestly say I have never felt this way about anyone before.The problem is that he goes through phases (sometimes a day, sometimes a couple of weeks) where he doesn't care if he spends time with me or not, he doesn't want to do anything, he goes weeks not wanting sex, some days if I don't initiate the contact he would probably go all day and night with out speaking.I think I feel much stronger for him than he does for me but he claims he does love me and we talk about our future together regularly. I don't think he is cheating and mostly i believe he is genuine.Tonight is a classic example, I havent seen him all week, we had plans for tonight and at 5.30pm he sent me a message saying he fancies a night out and is going out with the boys. He is going out with a group of people he doesnt even like. I was looking forward to tonight and if I'm honest I'm devastated. Can anybody understand or explain why he blows hot and cold so drastically? My instinct is that he just doesn't give a damn. If i try and talk to him about my concerns he tells me I'm not making any sense! What do I do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, elizabeth1986 +, writes (23 November 2011):
elizabeth1986 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
Thanks for this and your right, I know all about men are from mars and men do need their own space. This happened about 8 months ago now, and with some perseverance, after that incident we are now the happiest couple I've ever known and there's never a crossed word. I'm glad I stuck with him in this case because looking back I was annoyed but it wasn't a very serious problem in comparison to other couples problems. I'm a very lucky girl :) Thanks for your reply and I completely agree with you xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): I am going to recommend you read a book by John Gray titled "Men are From Mars, Women From Venus."Just so you are better armed in the future as to when a Man NEEDS personal space and to recharge; which usually brings out the needy, clingy in women which only further pushes him away.So it could be that. I don't know as its so little information.You don't suspect cheating and believe he loves you so I don't think its anything other than what I have stated.I had this book once, but lent it to the EX BF. Haven't gotten it back so will need to get a new one as there is a list and chapter in there I suggest you read.Talks about how women are a well, and we need to hit the bottom before we can bounce back and be happy and loving.And Men need the mancave where they can hide and do man stuff before bouncing back and being happy and loving.I was actually amazed at how accurate the book was.I say, what you do isOne) Buy the book and read it.Two) Tell BF you understand he needs personal time and to recharge but also please be considerate while at it and let me know you need said time.Three) Also when you make commitments, keep them. I get to stay happy and so do you.I'll forgive this one dismissal of time with me, your GF and reason for living and loving and all that is right in the universe as lets face it, the GUY BUDS cannot satisify your other needs. AHEM. So I KNOW I MATTER.Just it confuses the heck out of me when you think its okay to blow me off and then turn around and expect me to blow you off, in the friendly way, when I want to do so in the unfriendly way.Got to work something out because right now, it's not happening.Then FOUR) Go out and be busy. Get Happy. Spoil yourself. Treat yourself to some fun and stop worrying about where he is and isn't. He'll come around.FIVE) Keep us in the loop. ;)*hugs*
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