A
female
age
51-59,
*ithBitsIn
writes:I have been seeing a guy for over 2 months. During the past 2 months we have text eachother quite a lot every single day and we see eachother at least twice a week for nights/days out and in.The relationship is going very well, we respect eachother, make eachother laugh and have plenty in common. I don't see this as a problem but I am just a little confused as to why he doesn't seem interested in making the relationship a 'physical' one? We kiss (very passionately at times) and there has been many occassions when it could have led on to something else but I'm always left thinking 'why did he stop?'We both said at the beginning that we were looking for a long-term relationship so is it just a case of him thinking there's no rush? Like I said, it isn't a problem as things are going so well but I am wondering if I'm doing something wrong or if he isn't attracted to me in 'that way'.I think I've made my feelings clear to him and I've joked a couple of times about wanting to seduce him but I'm not sure if saying things like that will just push him away.I really want the relationship to last so if he's not ready yet to go to the next base then thats fine with me but is it normal for a guy to want to wait months? I just want to make sure I'm not doing anything to put him off and that he's holding back to wait for the 'right time'.Any advice or guidance would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): You're both adults.
No sense in dancing around the subject.
Ask the guy straight out: "Why haven't you made a move to have sex with me by now?" Ask him if he wants to have sex with you. Tell him you want to have sex with him. That you are not used to men waiting this long. It has never happened to you before and you are wondering what is going on. There. Honesty. Communication. That is what adults in relationships do. Not go on advice forums but talk to each other.
Ask him straight out.
You will then get your answer.
Because yes it is very unusual for a guy not to initiate sex within the first few dates.
Don't delay. Just come out and ask him point blank. And if he says yes, he wants to then tear his clothes off!! Maybe you be the one to be aggressive. Women are allowed, you know! Sex is fun, passionate and a bonding experience. Why deprive yourselves of this much longer??
My ex husband liked me so much he was afraid to even kiss me for almost 6 months!!! I was thinking man this guy is weird! Or just too much of a gentleman.. DAMMIT!!!! LOL It was not until we were out on New Year's and he kissed me quickly on the lips at the stroke of midnight and that started the ball rolling. FINALLY! I was thinking he didn't like me that way or I wasn't attractive enough. But he cared so much he did not want to ruin it.
Consider this possibility too.
Just ask him gently and politely but do ask. I think it is high time.
Hope it works out.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Adding to Sage's list would be he's a virgin and feels uncomfortable with the sex subject. He has ED. He is living with parents or roommates. He has deep scars below his belt that he's too embarrassed or self conscious to share. He has a phobia with a woman's certain part. It's not normal for a red blooded male to wait months, even those who want serious relationships. Women always think it's something about their attractiveness. Yes grab him by the collar and demand an answer, but not literally, gently and politely.
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A
female
reader, WithBitsIn +, writes (12 March 2015):
WithBitsIn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Sageoldguy1465, thanks for your reply. I know he doesn't have a wife or other girlfriends, we're in touch too often that I'd suspect something if it was the case and we usually end up back at his place when we've been out. He's recently come out of a bad relationship so I didn't know if that might have something to do with things? I've met all his close friends and we've all been out together too so he's letting me into his life, he seems such a gentleman and I honestly think he's just in no rush but I haven't been in a relationship and had to wait this long before...I didn't know if it was a sign that he maybe 'just wants to be friends'?
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (12 March 2015):
The first thing that popped into my head was that he might have some erectile dysfunction and he's petrified that it'll rear its ugly head just at the wrong moment.
How does he respond to your hints and jokes about wanting to seduce him?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (12 March 2015):
 Any guy who doesn't expect you to put out by the third date should be considered "suspect." Does he have a wife?... a (another) girlfriend? .... is he bi- or gay?
Pose those questions to him and see why he is at such odds to the "real" rules that apply to guys dating girls....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CattyCat +, writes (12 March 2015):
 You both want to have a long term relationship, which is good. You've kissed passionately but haven't gone much further, this isn't bad. To be honest, it's only been 2 months, that's no time at all really. I didn't have sex with my partner until after being together for 8 months. We did everything else, but. We took our time.
If you want to reaffirm where you stand with one another, just ask him out right "Are we taking things steady physically? Because I just want to make sure you're still attracted to me physically, and want to see if what we have goes somewhere"
Otherwise, sit back and enjoy what seems to be a lovely relationship so far :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015): Nobody here can tell you why he is that way but here are few reasons that could cause that: (1) he may think of you as a serious relationship and does not want to jeapardize it by going physical too early (2) he may have erection problems (3) premature ejaculation (4) other issues with penis like maybe hung up over being too small that could cause him insecurity (5) May have STD and is not sure how you would react to that if he is to tell you (6) May not want to be physical until both of you disclose STD checkup.
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