A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu55
writes:My boyfriend of two months just started saying that it's bothering him that i have a few pictures of my ex on my facebook profile. The pictures are just of prom posses which shouldn't bother him. (it wouldn't bother me at least) and there are a few videos with my friends and my ex is in the background. he asked me to delete it all including him as a friend. i said no because those videos were with my friends NOT about my ex and my prom pictures are prom pictures for god's sake! i dont like to be stepped on and he said that if i don't delete him then i'm choosing to not date him. which isn't true. and it's even embarassing to be asking this question because this is childish and absurd! Why is he threatening me like that? why does he hate it so much that im his friend? he's friends with his ex and i don't complain..i like him and that's all that should matter..What's going on?
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facebook, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Well, I say timing is everything. If you and your current BF were getting engaged with the intention of getting married, then I would be on his side completely. I would never allow my wife to have pictures of an ex-bf on her facebook page (however, facebook didn't even exist when we dated). I would have her keep them at home for her own personal memories, but not out there in public for people to know and talk about. That would be very unfair to him and hurtfull.HOWEVER, You're only dating 2 months! And he's being like this! This guy is very insecure and controlling. This isn't about you're his fiancee/wife and he has the right for not letting the whole world know about your ex's. You are only dating a very short time, and I think it's time to dump the asshole. If you meet the right guy, and do get engaged and married, then Delete the pics from facebook. Because like I said that's very disrespecfull to him, but until that guy and wedding date comes, stick to your guns and keep those pics up there. If a guy you've only dated 2 months would threaten to break-up over this, youll be a lot better off letting him break-up. Or, even better DUMP HIM NOW. Good luck, and I'm sure in the future you'll meet a 'REAL MAN'.
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (13 February 2012):
 If this is how he's reacting about a boy from the past, how is he going to react to you casually talking to a male coworker? Or male friend?
He really seems insecure, and he doesn't have to drag you down because of it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2012):
 He seems like a controlling insecure twit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Are there selective pictures of only you and your ex?
If yes then i think it was a tad tacky on your part.
Tacky on your part as in you are posting pics of you and your ex.. for everyone to see
If your bf does the same.. post pics of him along with his ex-gf wouldn't it be a lil disrespectful to you?
If you haven't uploaded pics of only you and your ex- then your bf has insecurity issues and his behavior isn't worth putting up to..
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 February 2012):
 You should leave this guy right away. You've only been dating for 8weeks, but already he's possessive, telling you what to do, wanting you to destroy memories that you should keep for the rest of your life.You've probably been with your ex and your friends a lot longer than you've been with him. When you are old, memories of your prom is what you will want to see, not a boyfriend who probably won't be there, based on his current behaviour.Some people are jealous and possessive, they want to control you and don't like the idea that you like other people too. Guys that threaten you are not guys you should keep. Their behaviour never gets better, they will keep demanding and keep threatening you about many things.He can be friends with his ex, because he can do what he wants. Be you are not worth anything, your possessions, your memories, what's important to you can all be thrown in the bin. Your not equal to him, only his wishes and demands carry any weight. Some men are like this, and they are called abusive.DUMP RIGHT AWAY... If he acts like this now after 8 weeks, he'll be hell to live with by summer. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period, when he's at his most charming, trying to impress, not telling you he doesn't care if he doesn't see you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): Sounds like you should add this asshole to your list of exes OP.
2 months and he's already emotionally blackmailing, threatening and trying to control you?
I completely disagree with Blonde30s. If he was nice about this whole thing and treated you with respect then her advice would be the right course of action, but he hasn't and unless you want to become his doormat then you shouldn't follow her advice. He's the one in the wrong here OP and you cannot reward this kind of bullying (the douche threatened to break up over this) by pandering to his emotions. He's acting like a spoiled child and demanding. It's only been two months this kind of behaviour is unacceptable at any time in a relationship. OP a person uses the prospect of breaking up with you to force you to do what they want is not a person you want as a boyfriend because if it works once, they'll just keep on doing it and will spend the entire relationship trying to control who you do and don't see, who you are friends with and it will turn into something far worse because even if you do all this for him it will never be enough.
"Why is he threatening me like that?" Because he wants to get his own way and he doesn't care whether he hurts you to get that. Are you going to stand for that? Are you going to allow him to treat you this way?
"why does he hate it so much that im his friend?" He's insecure, jealous, possessive and controlling. He is not a good boyfriend and he will never make a good long term partner.
"What's going on?" Is this guy is emotionally blackmailing you, he's disrespecting you, he doesn't trust you, he's treating you like a possession and not a person with needs and feelings, he's being childish, he's being absurd, he's insecure, demanding, controlling, possessive, jealous and acting like an all round asshole. In short OP he's a shit boyfriend and he'll only get worse.
The real question is; what are you going to do about this? Are you going to stand up for yourself and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not be threatened by anyone, you will not be blackmailed, you will not be pushed around and if he can't get over the fact you have had other boyfriends before him then he should just walk away? Or are you going to do what Blond30s and try to reason with a guy who has just threatened you, is trying to blackmail and control you and has shown he only cares about himself?
I think you need to re-evaluate this whole thing OP. If you bow to this pressure and treat him nicely after he's treated you like shit then he will learn nothing. You need to be strong and who him you will not tolerate being treated badly, especially by someone who's supposed to care about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): I dont think you are being fair to your boyfriend. Honestly speaking it wouldnt bother you if your if your boyfriend was the one with pics of his ex girlfriend on facebook for the whole world to see. Just put yourself in his shoes for a minute.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2012): You bf is insecure and he's selfish enough that he doesn't want to take personal responsibility to deal with his insecurity or compromise and meet you half way instead he wants you to take responsibility for his fragile ego for him - by changing your life to suit him. And furthermore he likes to resort to emotional blackmail to control you rather than respectfully trying to negotiate with you.I would question if you really want to be in a relationship with this guy. his attitude isn't going to be limited to just this one issue of your prom pictures, it will probably surface again and again with other incidents. Don't think for a minute that if you go along with what he wants "just this one time" and delete your prom pictures that everything will be fine. Instead what happens is you would have taught your bf a valuable lesson: that whenever his fragile insecurity crops up again (and trust me it will), all he has to do is threaten break up and you'll do what he wants.
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