A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy for about two months. He's moving out of state after graduation, about a month from now, so we've been keeping it casual. He seems to really like me, texting all day everyday and he calls me most nights of the week to talk for 2+ hours. We made plans for Thursday night to make dinner (his idea). But he called me Thursday morning saying he's really sick and has been throwing up all day. (He definitely was sick and I know that he actually went to the doctor)so we cancelled dinner and made vague plans that we'd do it sometime next week. Then, later that night I texted to see how he was feeling, and he said that he went out with his friends and is feeling like crap. I was like "you've been throwing up all day, and yet you can go out with your friends?" he said that he got dragged out. being slightly upset all i said was "have fun!" but as i drank more and more wine (oops) I sent two more messages. "whatever" and "it doesn't matter you're leaving soon anyway". Friday during the day i texted him saying i was sorry,i was just mad that we cancelled dinner and then he went out, that I overreacted, i hope he had fun and was feeling better. no response. I didn't hear from him all day Friday and then saw him out at the bars Friday night. He definitely ignored and pretended he didn't know me. I just let it go because I didn't want to make things worse so I made no attempt to contact him. I made one last attempt Saturday during the day saying "okay, what is going on?" and he replied that he had a bad few days, had to work that night and couldn't talk, and that we could talk tomorrow(Sunday)...then said he was sorry. I'm scared I wont hear from him Sunday and that he's just done. What do you think happened? Why is he all of a sudden MIA? from my perspective, I dont think i was acting (girlfriend-y) because I would have been upset if anyone cancelled plans and then did something else. It has nothing to do with being attached. I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2013):
 So, if I got it right, now after all he is not moving. Therefore there's no need to keep it so casual, unless he wants to,right ? It should go sort of automatically to more bf-gf ish. If it does not, and you decide you are fine with staying FWB-like, then I am afraid there's no much point in analyzing his moods or coming and goings. He has no obligation to explain you or warn you about his mood swings , he'll show up when he is in the mood, and he'll go MIA when he is not ,or has something more appealing at hand, that's how the game works.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2013): update from original poster: We've said multiple times that we really like each other and are sad that we're moving. I was just concerned that I gave the impression of being "too attached" and it freaked him out. He called Sunday and said that he was dealing with a lot of stuff. For example, more concerning health problems than just the flu, his parents decided not to let him move after graduation, and so he was dealing with that. He said that he was sorry for hurting me, just got super depressed and didn't want to talk to anyone/bring me into it. Now he's back to his old self, calling and texting every day. so I really have no idea what to think. I guess it's good so I really should just let it go? right?. The only thing that still bugs me is when he ignored me at the bar.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Are you not permitted to have feelings in this relationship? You called it "casual," is that another way of saying "friends with benefits"?
Maybe he realizes that the end of the relationship is coming up as he'll be moving in a month, and he's decided he wants to spend his time with other people, his close friends, for example.
He could be just dropping the ball on communication because he's really busy with exams and school work and papers and whatever it is he needs to get done before he graduates.
He could be doing the passive-aggressive thing and just letting you stew about it until you are the one who ends the casual thing you have going. That way, he doesn't have to take responsibility.
I guess you are where you are because this thing you have going on is very loosely defined and not a solid boyfriend/girlfriend, each of you accountable to the other for time and attention.
You've tried to contact him several times, after the drunken texts, which he could have taken as a goodbye (especially that last snippy one about him leaving soon anyway) and he decided to take you up on it.
What sort of closure are you expecting from a casual friend?
He's snubbed you in public and ignored you…
I would take this as the relationship has gone from "casual" to "none." Sorry if that's not what you intended but again, this sounds like it wasn't a solid relationship to begin with.
I would get on with your life and assume you won't hear from him again.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 April 2013):
A lot of people get upset but it is how we deal with that anger that defines who we are. You basically turned into an aweful person when you drank and texted mean things. He was sick and I didnt see a whole lot of support from your side. But just see what happens when he calls or so and maybe things would be clearer from his point of view.
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