A
female
age
41-50,
*mogen2511
writes:I did a bad thing. I was in a a relationship when I met a guy through a mutual friends. We exchanged phone numbers and started texting. After going out as friends for drinks, we ended up sleeping together. After that, we have done a few more times and continue texting and emailing on daily basis. He was also in a relationship and we decided to keep our affair as a secret. Last month he decided that we should just stick to being friends, mainly due to feeling guilty about cheating on his girlfriend. Right now, we text and talk on the phone daily, sometimes for hours. When I confessed this to my friend, she said that him and I are still having a relationship because of our history but mainly due to the fact that males and females can't be just friends. She thinks that we are pretending to be friends so that we can keep in touch and have sex in the future.I don't know what to think. I like him but wonder why is he keeping in touch with me. He always texts first, I can tell he cares about me that way he asks how I am doing, sends me jokes, and just being very attentive. In fact, he's nice and more caring than my boyfriend.So what do you guys think? What's happening here?Before you judge me and call me names, keep in mind that I am not proud of cheating but it's been done and now I live with the consequences.
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female
reader, Imogen2511 +, writes (25 January 2016):
Imogen2511 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you could say that we used each other for sex, but we don't anymore. Not that it makes it any better.
However, I'm trying to use this experience as a lesson and find out how people are. If he's really that calculating, i will learn it hard way.
On the other hand, I really got to like him as a person and enjoy keeping in touch. I will wait and see what happens. One thing that bothers me is that everything is always on his terms. That alone makes me want to block him. But I will give a try for a bit more. See what he does next
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 January 2016):
 Does it matter?
He is using you, and YOU are using him - for sex.
If you are contend with that... good luck.
If you are not, then cot him off and find someone SINGLE or... I don't know? Focus on your own relationship?
You don't seem to give a fly's fart about the BF of yours in all this. I wonder why.
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A
female
reader, Imogen2511 +, writes (24 January 2016):
Imogen2511 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo when he says- let's be friends, he's saying- let's keep in touch until I feel like having sex with you again?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 January 2016):
 That's exactly what I am saying except cheating men don't need to have problems with his GF or wife to cheat. There maybe logistical problems like time, opportunity or chance he can get busted. But cheaters don't need emotional pain to cheat. In fact it's the opposite. Basically he is stringing you along because you make yourself available. So he is that calculating.
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A
female
reader, Imogen2511 +, writes (24 January 2016):
Imogen2511 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe seems to be doing OK with his GF. Are you saying that he's that calculating that he will string me along until him and his GF have problems again or when he feels like cheating on her again?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 January 2016):
"Could he also like the attention and having conversations or is he mainly doing what my friend said- playing a friend to stay in touch?"
He already gets attention from his GF, so the contact he is keeping with you is not about attention but about what your friend said, and only about that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): I like your ice cream comparison but I guess I'm kind of confused. So what are you really saying?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 January 2016):
 "Girlfriends" are like ice-cream cones on a hot day.....
IF a guy can figure out how to do so..... say, he has access to a freezer... he will keep as many ice-cream cones... of as many flavors as he fancies.... available for his delight....
IF, he has no freezer... and no (other) way to keep them from melting... THEN he has to choose that ice-cream cone that he fancies the most, and enjoy IT before it melts.... and, thereby, forsaking those others (ice cream cones), that were his second, third... etc. choices...
BOTH of YOU are acting like guys with ice cream cones... and the weather is very warm....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2016):
Some people like to have a "spare bedwarmer", I don't think this guy is any different.
I think he is a bit scummy to claim he felt guilyy about cheating yet, wants to keep you around and well, my guess is he doesn't feel so guilty that he has told the GF, has he?
If you feel like YOUR part in all this mess is something you are not proud off, why do YOU keep in contact with him? He certainly isn't a FRIEND. Friends don't screw friends, certainly not when they already HAVE a partner.
If I were you I'd let him know that you will be cutting him off and then block/delete him contact info. There is no future here for you, no point to keeping in touch.
And YOU have a BF too? What a mess!
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A
female
reader, Imogen2511 +, writes (23 January 2016):
Imogen2511 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI get what you're saying and I agree with you. Yes, I like the attention, but aside from that, we have good conversations and a lot in common interests wise.
Could he also like the attention and having conversations or is he mainly doing what my friend said- playing a friend to stay in touch?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (23 January 2016):
Your friend is right: your guy is most definitively "pretending to be friends so that we can keep in touch and have sex in the future." Maybe you are not, but if you understand his game, you are doing it as well just by the fact that you are enabling him.
I also do not understand your aims with this guy because there is nothing to be had with him: no relationship, no FWB, no nothing... So why are you in contact? You already have a friend who gave you a much wiser advice then that guy ever could through his hours of texting you, so I doubt he is a "friend".
Perhaps you like the attention, and that is understandable, but that guy is the wrong man to give it to you. You hooked up with him for sexual purposes and now that the purpose is over, the contact with that guy should end. You know as well as I do that he is not leaving his GF for you, so you need to go no contact with him and put him behind.
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