A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So, I suffered a hairline ankle fracture. I called my momma. She makes the 4 hour drive down to my campus. She picks up my dad. They are divorced. I hear them arguing outside my door. But then, they stop instantly when I finally get to the door. My dad is almost in tears about me being hurt. They are both just about me and it's honey/baby/sweetie. But as they leave, I hear the arguing starting again. My dad saying he will have one of his workers pick him up or rent a car. My mom is like just get in the damn car! They leave together. I bet that was a fun ride home. How can they call a truce around me and then fight about what what day of the week it is the rest of the time?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2016):
 I'm with Cindy!
How can they NOT stop around you!! Just know that it wasn't about you. You didn't make them argue, they just still have some obvious unresolved issues. And then let it go.
Maybe one day they will grow up and realize that they are wasting their time and energy arguing with each other, maybe they won't.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 January 2016):
 How could they not, I'd say.
You sound surprised and I don't quite get it. Would you have preferred that they had not stopped arguing and had continued chewing out each other in front of you, forgetting the task at hand, which was to see how you were doing and give you comfort and assistence ?!
That would have been selfish and juvenile. Responsible adults are able to bury the hatchet whenever necessary, and to join forces when an emergency arises - like for instance going to check on an injured daughter.
Look, your father and mother got a divorce, so that must mean they clearly did not get that much along to begin with. Or, they got along on surface, until either one toppled the applecart and broke an old , even if unstable, balance- which always leaves the other party with understandable feelings of bitterness and resentment.
Now, yes, it would be splendid if your parents could be one of those enlightened ,magnanimous, supercivilized people that practice " conscious uncoupling " , and, while they have decided to end their marriage, still they can feel warm loving feelings for each other. There are some around ( although, I must say that I have more often read or heard about them through the media, than actually met them IRL ).
Unluckily your parents do not belong to this morally privileged elite, and they behave like all regular people who grate on each other nerves but for some reason are forced to do things together, like travelling : they bicker.
Thanks God, in fact !, that they are keenly aware that
" it's not all about them ", so they can instantly stop the bickering around you . Do you think they are being hypocritical ?..I just think instead- that they are adults, and in time they have learned self control, and learned which are their priorities. Now the priority was to take care of you, so they , wisely, switched the arguing off instantly in front of you- to dig out again their bones of contention at a later moment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2016): "How can they call a truce around me and then fight about what what day of the week it is the rest of the time?"Because they are wise enough to understand that their responsibilities as parents supersede whatever petty grievances they may have against each other as a divorced couple, and it is in your best interests for them to maintain civility in your presence. And perhaps their squabbling is an indication that they still care for each other and bickering is an easier way to express their emotions than being affectionate; I know that's how it is for more than one still-together couple whom I know. That they feel free to engage in such give-and-take is actually a good sign, much better than when estranged couples are unfailingly polite to each other as that means any good feelings between them have evaporated.Whatever the case, you are very fortunate to have parents who put YOU first and themselves second, a luxury that many young adults whose parents are still married don't enjoy.
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