A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months or so now, and I really love and care for him. His family and I get along really well, and I care for them a lot too. We never really have problems or fight, he's really nice and respectful, and we seem to be a great match for each other.Basically everything is great with our relationship except for one thing, his ex girlfriend is still a part of his life. Now this isn't just some ex, this ex was his first serious relationship and his first love and they were together for 2 years. They had only been broken up for about 9 months before we started going out. I also know that before him and I started going out, he was trying to work things out with her but she had a boyfriend so he couldn't.Now, I'm not really sure how close they are or how involved they are with each other's lives, but I do know they are still friends and talk often because they have mutual friends. For example, when him and I first started going out, I know they talked a lot, when he got a new phone a few months ago, he put her number into his phone and gave her the new number, whenever she contacts him, he will always reply and has said he doesn't want to ignore her, they video chat sometimes, they have mutual friends they are both still close with, etc.He says she cheated on him with one of their friends, so there's no way he would ever want to be with her again and that he's over her. Well if that's the case, why is he still friends with her??Would you ever break up with a guy over something like this?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 December 2013):
 Its simple he is not over the woman he loved and he is not in a relationship with her because of circumstances. Tell him to choose, unfortunately you might lose him. But at least you know where you stand and not find out years from now he wants the ex back.
I would give him an ultimatum, but also be prepared for the worst. Its really not fair on you as you are second guessing what you mean to him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): That's a little too much. It's totally normal to have a friendship with an ex, but he's obviously still pining for her at some level. If you two are still together in 6 months this is going to need to stop.Unless, 6 years from now (in the best scenario) when you two are considering marriage and stuff, you'll still be allowing this to go on?It's gotta stop at some point, know your limit, mine would be about a year.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 In a nutshell, he's still carrying a torch for her.
They broke up because of her infidelity NOT because he'd stopped loving her.
You admit that he wanted to get back together with her but couldn't because she had another boyfriend.
I don't think he's consciously using you but I honestly believe that if the circumstances arose that he could date her again, he would!
People can still be friends after a break up but, in my opinion, if he's truly moved on, then all his attention and energy would be on you and not pandering to her.
You're in a tough situation so I think you have to ask yourself, can you put up with him maintaining contact with an ex or is this going to eat you up and cause trust issues.
If it's the latter then you may need to rethink this relationship.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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