A
female
age
41-50,
*shlingstone
writes:Hi, I am very nervous to ask anyone about this and my friends are biased so I can't ask them. I have to give a little back story of my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We have lived together for about 3 1/2 of those years. He proposed to me in 2011 and I said yes. Everything was great and then October of 2012 things got rocky and we started arguing a lot, I don't even remember over what. I had stopped taking my anti-depressants and I think that contributed to it. He moved out and took back the ring. We still kept in touch. It was the hardest thing I had to go through. During that time I found out through some of his friends he had a crush on a girl at his work and even though nothing happened between them, it looked like he would have lunch with her and talk, hoping to pursue it. The reason he broke up with me he said was because he couldn't stand my drama, I was over dramatic. But I feel it was a little of that plus his new crush. Now a little back story on that, he is 28 and I am his first lover and he also never lived on his own aside from us living together. I am 37. So January rolls around and I had gotten back on my meds and we are getting along great and he decides to move back in with me. He said he doesn't care about that girl crush at work and that she is closed minded and stupid but he is still friends with her and I have nothing to worry about. He is a good guy with good morals and I highly doubt he would ever cheat on me. Everything has been going great since then. The problem is he hasn't given the ring back, we aren't engaged anymore, and when I bring up the topic of engagement or marriage he gets really upset and angry. All I will ask is if he sees us getting married someday and he will say I don't know maybe, you are annoying me and pressuring me and making me want to leave. I am so hurt and confused by this. He committed to me before, I don't understand why he can't even just talk about what he wants in the future this time. We have been back together now for 5 months and were only broken up for like 3 months. Why is he so touchy about talking about our future all of a sudden? Anyone have any ideas as to why and perhaps any suggestions as to how long I should wait before doing something? I love him with all my heart. He is my everything.... :-(
View related questions:
at work, broke up, crush, engaged, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013):
Everyone here will have a different take on it, but may I speculate in thinking this crush he had was nearer his age or younger?
Everyone can't get along ticky boo all the time, we're only human, and humans irate the pants of each other at times . So I would agree with what you say that your arguments were not the cause but were only a means to him walking out and trying to pursue this girl. He made you feel the baddie for something he wanted to do. I also want to add here that if that is what your friends are saying, or along these lines then their not being biased are they? Their being honest!!
When he moved back in, to me that was like him saying everything back on, I think that what you thought, am I right?
However, by not giving you the ring, he gives himself an easier way out and he can justify it to you, by saying ' it not like we were engaged or owt' he walks away in his eyes if circumstances change for him ' hands clean'
Now by letting this slide .. And yes you take a big risk by standing your ground of him leaving for good.. But ask yourself sweetie ' what do you have at the moment?' Someone who is willing to leave at the drop of a few arguments. Someone who blackmails you into shutting up or he will leave.
Then I'm sorry but if I was you, I would let him. Infacf I would say to him, we're discussing this or you can leave.. I may love you, but your not walking all over me..
You can't walk around on egg shells sweetie . He should be doing everything to make you feel secure, he did the dirty whether he waited until he broke up with you, who knows .. He should be begging you to be his wife .. Yet, he sits non fussed on the fence . Getting angry and defensive for in his heart I can only assume by his actions and words he doesn't want to commit, as he not with you for the long haul
And if he's not with you for the long haul, then put his pretty ass on the highway.. Don't waste another 5 years on a mr maybe..
You my sweetie deserve to be loved in return and though it may hurt believe me, with every passing winter, spring comes and will thaw your heart letting you love another in maybe a diffirent way .. But love that's returned is ten fold..
I'm a RMN so here my nursing talk keep on the Meds you may feel you can cope without them but let me reassure you. You do!!
Take care keep us posted
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): Well by all the evidence presented; I think he feels you're a great roommate and girlfriend; but not wife material. He may be going through a trial period with you. Just to see how well things will go for a while.
There is also a convenience in having a roommate you can have sex with; and pays half the bills. He may have many motives, but marriage may not be one of them. At least not at the moment. You're getting along. Appreciate it.
You have the option of allowing him to stay, or you can ask him to leave. You can't force him to give you the ring back or make him marry you. He has witnessed you at your best and your worst. He doesn't like the drama. He knows what you are capable of, and he can exit anytime things get out of hand.
Give these things some thought.
...............................
|
