A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I shouldn't be asking people I don't know for advice and comfort, but I'm finding it hard to talk to my family about it and I just need some consoling now.I think I like a guy in my college who I've been dating for a few weeks/month now. He's smart and funny, and I guess he's nice...a little rude sometimes but I truly don't think he means to be - I come from a posh family so really he's quite normal (well he's not normal he's amazing but you know what I mean). We've been to the cinema a few times and we've gone out into town to shop and have fun. He wants to go on another date and he wants ME to decide what to do (talk about pressure!) so I want to make things a little more exciting, and go ice skating or something..does that sound like a good idea? Well anyway, before he went to my college, he was (I'm quite sure of it) in love with another girl. He's talked to me about her quite a lot, and it makes me feel sad and kind of jealous (I hate being jealous because I feel like a bad person). I try to be optimistic and say stuff like "she sounds really cool =D" but to be honest I got fed up one time and said "if you talk about her to me anymore I think I might just go crazy!!" and I felt seriously bad afterwards...but I didn't apologise because deep down I still thought I had done the right thing in telling him I didn't like hearing about her so much.She's apparently very nice, and can talk with him for an entire evening without getting bored...how can I compete with that? He's so obsessed with her that once (he's realised his mistake now I think and sort of made an apology outing with me to go shopping) when we were supposed to be having a 'date' he took me around town looking for underwear she'd like. Bras. The thing is is that I honestly don't think he knew what he was doing to me! Usually if a guy had done that to me I wouldn't talk to him again, but he seemed to have no idea that what he was doing was wrong...until I told him.He talks about her much less now, but recently he's changed his profile picture (yes on facebook -_-) to one with him and her in it. I think I'm probably over reacting at this point but we've been 'closer' recently and this seems like a step backward.Also, he's bisexual which surprisingly doesn't bother me at all. It may sound weird but to me it's just like being with a gay person some of the time (which makes it easier to talk to him) and a straight person the rest (which makes a relationship possible - yay!) But what does bother me is he might think that I am a bit put off by it. So another question: are there any Bi people out there who think this?So anyway, I am worried for him, REALLY worried for him. He must feel so..torn right now. I know he likes me - he's shown affection far too much to be otherwise. He's put his head on my shoulder, he's played with my hair and fiddled with my fingers etc. He's teased me and *ahem showed off his guitar skills. So yes, he likes me. I just wish that I could help him move on, partly because it's bad for him, and partly because I really like him. I want to know if I'm being selfish and/or self-centered?I'm not going to lie. I'm very scared that he'll decide he doesn't want me and that he'll carry on liking this other girl WHO I might add has a boyfriend. I'm scared that I'm too boring, and not pretty enough for him to carry on liking me. The problem is is that I actually DO get boring when I'm around him because I'm so nervous.Oh please please help, I don't know what to do about any of this.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Hey sweet thing,
Listen... I'm going to be honest here and tell you to just drop this relationship. If he is gushing on about his ex,to the point where you describe him as "obsessed", he is not over her. Do you really want to get involved with someone who can't give their whole heart to you? I would wait until he is completely done with her and has moved on until he is ready to be in a relationship with someone new and give her heart over. You want a clean slate to start from. If he is with you now, you will just become a rebound (whether or not that is his intention). His heart still belongs to her, even if it is a lot of hurt and anger... if he can't shut up about her, something is still lingering. His Facebook profile picture is of them together? I mean, come on.
You are NOT too boring. Your letter was written beautifully... if you are anything like your writing style, you're not boring. And I'm sure you are plenty good looking enough, you babe! It seems to be that he'd be like this with anybody - even Angelina Jolie. You are plenty good enough... he is just hung up on this ex, and that is not worth it.
Good luck, sweetness!
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