A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the long post, but I have a lot of details to add. If you read the whole thing and respond, I would greatly appreciate it! I am a 20 year old male. My girlfriend of about 7 months and I recently broke up, mostly because of me questioning my sexuality. We are talking again about a month later and are considering getting back together, but i need some advice. I don't think I am gay, because I am only attracted romantically and emotionally to women. I could never see myself in a romantic relationship with a man. I am attracted to woman I meet in my day-to-day life but never to men I meet (except maybe once or twice). I have never had a sexual or romantic experience with a male. I have, however, imagined myself having sex with a man many times. I also have a strong interest in the domination/submission aspect of BDSM (me being the submissive.) I have imagined being the submissive to both men and women. I also sometimes feel a little feminine and have at times secretly put on women's clothes. I have fantasies about being a woman or being feminized. Lately, most of my sexual thoughts and desires have been about being submissive to men. The urges have been very strong. I also love my ex-girlfriend though and would like to have a relationship with her. I am not sure if she would be into BDSM-type sex, although she did tie me up once and said she liked it. I still have strong sexual desire to be with a man though. I read online that my domination and feminization may have been caused by porn. This could be possible, but some of my earliest memories of sexual fantasies deal with me being dominated, so I am not sure. I am young, so I know I have time to explore these desires, but I also really love this girl and would like to be with her. At least we have said that if we break up, we will remain friends. I am just torn and unsure of what to do. I want to do the right thing that will make both me and my ex-girlfriend the most happy in the future.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014): It sounds to me like you are bi-sexual or at least bi-curious. It is very normal at your age to be figuring out who and what you like and there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring some (safe) same sex fun with someone who is willing to explore with you. In terms of the fantasies these are also completely normal and I would encourage you to engage in some of them with someone you trust. The thing I would advise you not to do is telling your friends and family about your fantasies because a lot of people are very close minded and these type of fantasies are sometimes stigmatised. I think you would be better off confiding in someone you trust be that your ex or a future partner to see if you can explore these fantasies in a safe and trusting environment free from ridicule. Good luck
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