A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. My life is in chaos. I met a man online six years ago and we wrote all of that time. Then we met and spent two weeks together to see how it would go. It went well (I thought.) and he promised to come and see me for the weekend in a few weeks. As soon as I got home, he started with the excuses- couldn't afford to come, couldn't call, etc. Then he said to "Yes- Do buy the non-refundable ticket and come see me at Thanksgiving." We were making plans for all of the holidays (He had booked Christmas.) on a Tuesday. On that Saturday morning, he emailed me saying he had a "bad dream" and broke up. Now (two years later) I see he is going with someone with an online blog (I suffer through all of their adventures.). He travels with her all over, and it seems that they are very happy. All of those two years, I received mysterious emals and phone calls. I always hoped he would come back. The shock of learning about this other person (through her blog) just about did me in. I really feel that I was just used. (I think he may have known her even when I was with him as he seemed to have gotten with her in a matter of months after I left.) He told me he was afraid to fly, couldn't drive long distances, yadaya...all of what he does with her. I am in a major depression and really do not want to live anymore. I invested so much of myself in this long relationship to have it not matter at all. Even his best friend said he seemed to like me. I can't understand it. I can't accept it- this is ruining my life. I just want to know why. I feel it is my fault and that if I could have been different somehow, it would have worked. Why? How could he do this? Why? And why is he so different with her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I'm sure he did enjoy your company at the time you took the trip with him. Your relationship was an internet relationship, and these have proven to be risky ventures and rarely work out in the long term.
He may have already been seeing her when he met up with you. Many cads are on the internet attempting to find lonely woman that will succumb to their desires. All the excuses of why he couldn't meet you, should have been a clue that there was someone else. I would seek another relationship with someone else, only the next time don't be intimate with him until you have known him for at least 3 months and have seen his house, where he works, know his home telephone and met his family. When you meet someone again that catches your interest, you will know he is serious about you when the relationship is on your terms.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I am sorry for your predicament. He is doing this to you because you are letting him.
I'm sorry to say it but some people hedge their bets on relationships. They seldom want to hurt anyone and don't wanna look the bad guy. Maybe when he met you he just simply wasn't into you and if you seemed a little upset or needy, he might of be trying to avoid being truthful with you, so as not to hurt you and make himself look bad. Far better from his point of view, to make a big bunch of promises and when there was a little distance between you, to then turn those promises upside down with excuses. Lots of people do this and it is a very human thing which tends to cause the 'dumpee' a lot of pain and confusion.
The internet is fine for meeting people but a lot of time when people meet face to face, they simply do not feel the same about eachother, it's just one of those things that you have to accept.
It seems this guy made some initial effort but couldn't follow it through because he didn't feel the need. Now he has obviously met someone he likes more and is spending his time with her. This must be so painful for you, so why bother reading their blogs? Why bother torturing yourself?
Of course it hurts to lose out on a long term relationship, but at one time you didn't know this guy and you have to get your mind and heart back to that place before he came into your life. Please don't blame yourself because it wasn't your fault. This situation happens to thousands of people everyday, as they say 'love hurts' and it really does.
Be strong, walk away with dignity and leave them to it. No amount of worrying or badgering him will make him come back. Just accept that other people will come along, just the way he did when you first met. Take control of the situation and make a descision not to speak to him again. Ignore all further contact and hold up your head...
After all, how can you see new horizons if your always looking at the past?
Please don't be sad, good luck and lots of love xxxxxx
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