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*ock chick
writes:I am writing once again - so sorry for doing this...My partner and I are seperating after 6 years. He has promised me that he will see me ok (IE buy me out of our home, so i can put a deposit on another)The thing is, it is going to take around 6 weeks and in the mean time he wants me to move out with my daughter(To my mums)..He is going to give me more than the equity in the house, but keeps threatening not to give me anything, if i don't do what he expects of me. That is, if he rings me, i have to answer, i'm not suppose to talk to his parents, i am suppose to move out when he asks me to (that is once he gets back from this work trip to london)I wanted us to try again, but he has had no intention and says we are over and now after his bullying and lying and cheating- we are.I am scared of him now as he is "bribing" me - if the house just gets sold then i wont get much. HE can remortgage and give me more this way.before i met him i had my own home and sold it to buy this with him. I put the money into this house by paying for an extension and bills and food.He has said he wont let me down but i need to stand on my own two feet!..in other words move out and let him live here on his own to do who he wants...i mean what he wants.I am "tiptoeing " around him to keep him happy so i get something to start again with - i am no spring chicken, but he makes me feel sick now
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reader, Rock chick +, writes (28 May 2007):
Rock chick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am the joint owner of the house - so I don't think I have to prove any money I put into the house to be honest.I know he can't force me out or lock me out
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female
reader, candy00s +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Do you have anything to prove you have put money into this home? Im not 100% sure but i dont think you should move out. If you do you may loose some of what you are entitled to.I dont think you should trust that he will see you right money wise either. Tell him to pay you off and then you will move out of the home.I think you should get some legal advice asap.
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (28 May 2007):
 You must get a lawyer -NOW. If the home is in both your names you are ok. He cant sell or refinance without you. If it is in his name only and your 'contribution' was only paying for the addition, then he can screw you out of your share. He can legally do whatever he wants and simply refuse to give you any money. You then have to PROVE to a court that you made these contributions. I hope you kept good records of this. Canceled checks, contracts with your name on them, etc. can be helpful in proving this. But if you move out, you are stuck going to court to prove all this. He wins! He can sell and then say he 'changed his mind' about paying you out. Then it will be an uphill battle to prove he owes you. Do not move out unless you have a written contract with him stating how much he is going to pay you and have his signature notarized. This should also hold up in court to make sure you get your money.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007): Hi darling, please get some legal advise, citizens advise and with the bullying side victim support are a great with all sorts of help, your daughter and yourself are the most important DONT!!!! stay in a situation were you have to walk on eggshells its terrifying i know how you feel. pick up that phone to victim support you will be able to breath a little easy again just knowing you have someone there for you and your daughter. and hun you are always a spring chicken never loose the child within. I wish you luck be strong and dont give up you are worth so much more both of you! Talk to your parents if you cant friends you need all the support you can get and he wants you frightened and alone bullys like this need control to thrive, you have to get some control back for your own safety and security i wish you and your daughter all the luck take care and be safe.
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male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (28 May 2007):
Get a lawyer. When it comes to real estate and money, it is always a good idea to obtain the services of a lawyer. Trusting him to do the right thing is nice in an ideal world, but generally speaking, his desires in this (ie kicking you out, expecting you to give way to his so-callled needs) is indicative of an untrustworthy, narcissistic personality. He is going to screw you over unless you get adequate legal representation to ensure that you and your daughter are not cheated. Make no decisions until you've spoken with a lawyer and reviewed all your options under the law.
Be prepared for this to drag out for a couple of years, and expect to lose out on some of the equity due to legal fees (usually a percentage of the settlement), but chances are you'll be worse off without a lawyer to advise you.
Oh, and I'm not sure about the laws in your country regarding "common law marriages" but if your relationship qualifies, you may be able to use that as an extra large stick to keep him honest in his dealings in regards to a future settlement. Settling on a co-owned property is a lot simpler for him than dealing with a divorce.
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female
reader, Carina  +, writes (28 May 2007):
 Hi again. So sorry you're having to go through all this. A lot of people believe that if you live together for some time you become a common law husband and wife and have the same rights as a married couple. Unfortunately this isn't true, but you do have certain rights.
The first thing you must do is make sure you have proof of the payments you made for the house and for doing the extension. You should at least be able to claim that back. If the property is in joint names splitting it will not be a major problem. If possible ask him to write an agreement with you and both sign it. In it get him to say exactly what he's planning to give you. This will be regarded as legal.
He doesn't have to pay you any maintenance yourself, but if your daughter is his he will have to pay child support. If she is his he may be forced to allow you both to live in the house until she's grown up, if you are unabale to afford a place of your own.
If he is being bullying and threatening, keep a diary of everything he does and says. This will help if it ever goes to court.
Personally I wouldn't do anything until you know exactly where you stand legally. I know it's difficult to be practical when you're feeling an emotional wreck, but it's important for your and your daughter's future. Get some professional help. The Citizen's Advice Bureau is also very helpful. Best of luck!
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