A
female
age
41-50,
*3 Angel
writes:Guys I need some help please, I'm going off my head here wondering what happened or what I did for this guy to ignore me! A bit long, but here goes...In a nut shell, we work in the same building and have chatted a couple of times in the last year and a half. Each time he approached me. He noticed me in his home town (where my dad lives) and was dissapointed when I said I never saw him. I tried to "rectify" it by saying when I'm there again I'll be on the lookout for him. This happened in Feb 2008. We would have random conversations and say hello and smile when we passed each other.About three weeks ago he struck up a conversation and asked if I have a boyfriend, on my reply no he asked if I would like to meet up sometime. I was shocked as I never thought this guy would ever ask me to spend time with him. I think he is much younger than me and he looks like the typical surfer guy, but a bit on the shy side. Obviously I've been admiring him from afar and thought, stuff it, I'll take a chance and meet up with him.We went to my flat for coffee and we ended up kissing. I was taken aback as I kept wondering why suddenly now was he making a move. When I verbalised this, he said well why not now?! As a month prior to this I had a bad experience with a guy (booty call situation), I kept thinking this was a similar case and needless to say was a bit skeptical. He made comments about my ex boyfriend (I unfortunately still had a photo on my desk of him) and that he can't compete with him and that I don't understand how difficult it is for guys. I was a bit shocked but didn't say to him that he shouldn't worry about competing, but being the shy type, I just kept quiet!We parted ways at work with him saying that we should meet up the next day same time and same place and if I wasn't there, he'd know I wasn't interested. I made it clear to him that I don't make a habit of meeting guys for "coffee" over lunch times and he said he knew that.The following day I couldn't make it as I had clients but also didn't see him so thought he wasn't at work.We did see each other again in passing two days later and he smiled and waved, I did the same.The following week, he asked me to speak to my boss about arranging parking for him and when I said we can't help him, he was a bit peeved off. I ended up storming away as he was being an arsehole about it.I was extremely upset about his actions! A couple of days later he saw me and we chatted about the parking story. He was laughing and saying that it's fine that I don't want to speak to my boss about it; he knows I don't care and don't want to help him. We joked and parted on good terms.Suddenly after that he's been so offish towards me! On the odd occasion when I do spot him outside or when he walks past, he looks at me but then hurries away! I plucked up the courage to phone him last Friday to tell him I want to chat to him, and he said he's a bit busy he'll speak to me later. Well needless to say he hasn't even attempted to contact me (he knows where I work but didn't ask for my numbers). I have seen him once after this incident and he again just looked at me and rushed off, looking offish!What the hell is going on with him - if he is not interested, just say so!!!!!!There is so much I want to say to him (not in anger) but to explain why I couldn't meet him and I suppose to tell him I am attracted to him. Also to ask what the coffee meeting and kiss was all about. He seemed that day to not be able to get enough of me, even kissing me in the lift!How can I get to the bottom of this without making a complete idiot of myself! How can I get him to talk to me and not look at me like I've just crawled out of a piece of rotten cheese!Please help - I really like this guy but don't know what to do!?
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at work, kissing, my boss, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (17 September 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there. Thanks so much for your replies.It's obviously not what I wanted to hear, but deep down I did know this was the case - he was using me!I also don't make a habit getting involved with guys at the work place :-) Luckily we don't work for the same company, just in the same building and I also don't see him that much which is cool under the circumstances!And yeah believe me, I will be more careful next time around! LOL!Keep well and thanks again!
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Trying to "get to the bottom of this" will make you look like a complete idiot.
You kissed a little on a lunch break. You didn't have a long love affair. Whatever is and was going through his head isn't going to make you feel better. The "whys" of what happened won't change that he isn't into you for whatever reason.
He behaved like an arsehole with a girl he barely knows and appeared to be interested in. When men want a girl, they are on their best behaviour. If that was his best, can you just imagine how he'll be when he feels comfortable with you?
Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get too involved with him and move on. Its better he didn't waste anymore of your time than he did.
And for future reference while dating....
NEVER ask a man why he is making a move after so much time. NEVER kiss a co-worker on yur first coffee date. NEVER forgive a man (or anyone) too easily after a ridiculous outburst when they barely know you (you don't have to be snooty - but you have to show people that you don't take kindly to being treated in such ways)... and stop being so easily shocked. ;-)
I generally advise against getting involved with co-workers. When they don't work out it makes the work place awkward.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Anonymousmale1  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 In reading your letter several flags went up for me and I am sure that you've observed them as well. By the time I completed reading your letter I firmly understood what the whole incident was about.It was never about you, or being with you (at least not for a long period of time), it was about him and his selfishness.You are very lucky that you stopped with only the kissing part and even that was a bit too far to be honest with you. His whole idea was to seduce you in order to further his own adgenda.I don't know how scarce parking stalls are in your area, but this seems to be the real prize he coveted. Even if it meant using you to obtain it.His silly statements about competing with your ex were simply an attempt to get you to stroke his ego and possibly sleep with him by feeling sorry for him. Had you done this he would have been assured of getting the parking slot that he actually wanted.His actions as I am sure you know were not one of a man that really has interest in you.If he had any real interest in you as far as being in a relationship he would have never attempted to kiss you let alone bring a possible "Booty Call" scenerio to your mind.He would have been a gentleman, very polite and there is no way would he have even went to you place that soon out of respect for you.He would have called and taken you out and spend time to really get to know you. Never would he have asked you for anything, let alone a parking slot. You would have been the object of his attention, and only you.Your missing the second meeting with him and it was of no real consequence, because if it had he would have came to your office and requested another chance to see you. Thats what people whom are really interested do, they understand that things arise and they reset the date to meet.You can rack your brain all you want, however I can assure you that even if you are presented with the chance to talk to him, he will never tell you the truth as to what his real intentions were. Chances are that at this point in his life telling the truth is rare for him.I am sorry but some men are simply like that, selfish. You just happened to meet one that is.Also before I end this, you stated that if he is not interested then he should just say so, in reality he already has. By not contacting you to talk and quickly moving by when he notices you screams loudly that he simply is not interested, especially since you couldn't get the parking slot for him.I am sorry that you had to go through this,but be thankful because it could have been so much worse and you could have been left with a broken heart and remorse. Chaulk it up to experience learned and wait for a real man to come along, because there are real men out there and they are looking for beautiful, intelligent, caring women, just like you!
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