A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Where to start?Around 3 years ago, I went out with a girl I had known for several years she had been in a relationship where her boyfriend lied cheated and even beat her. I got together with her around a year after that relationship finished.The relationship was great, however I had to move away with work, we talked this through and she agreed to stick by me as it wouldn’t be forever. Gradually over time we began to argue, well not really argue but she would constantly be upset that she only saw me once a week and she asked if she could move up with me, I said no as we had only been together for around 6 months and that I would be moving back to her area within six months. During this period she became more and more emotional about not seeing me to the point where there were tears every day over it. Eventually after months the constant arguments and emotional situation led me to end things as much for her sake as mine. I still loved her but she obviously couldn’t cope with not seeing me as much as she would of liked, we also began to argue because I have a child from a previous relationship and had suggested I did not want any more whereas she was adamant that she did. After we split we still spoke every day over around a month I tried to console her and answer her questions about the relationship and to reassure her that it wasn’t anything to do with anyone else just it was all getting to much. Anyway we decided to meet up for my birthday have a chat and see if we could resolve things, the day before my birthday she launched into a jealous rage as I went for a few drinks with colleagues from work. So I told her that was it for good, I couldn’t handle that and there was no need for it.Moving on...immediately she got a new boyfriend and despite me warning her over him and the way he was she ignored my advice and preceded to have a relationship, this broke my heart I still loved her and I knew she was in love with me. She moved in with him after a few months and had a child with him after a year. To me it was as if she was living the life she wanted with me with this guy. All the way through her relationship with this guy anytime they split up she would call me telling me she missed me etc, but although I spoke with her I never met her etc.2009 comes around about 3 years since we had been finished and somehow we end up speaking again and having sex, there wasn’t much more to it than sex really, but I realized I still had strong feelings for her. Then the father of her child found out what was going on and despite the fact he had a new partner went a bit loco and she decided it was best if she no longer saw me. I was hurt as she gave me no chance to say anything she just cut me off and wouldn’t answer my calls. 4 months passed and I bumped into her in my neighborhood and she apologized profusely and we discussed what had happened earlier in the year and I explained how I thought it was out of order she didn’t even discuss things with me. anyway long story short, she asked for a proper chance and I agreed, we started to see each other again, and she really pursued me although I was trying to play it cool I fell in love with her again and she said she felt the same, various face book posts saying how glad she was that we were finally back together etc everything rosy I thought. She even told the father of her child that she was with me and what he said or did didn’t matter as she wanted to be with me. I went to her parents house for dinner etc etc you know the score it was full on like we had never been apart.We were together around four months this time, in which time I became close to her again, in fact things were better than the last time we were together I didn’t live 200 miles away she seemed to have matured things were unbelievably good. I even treated her child like my own and felt like a bond had been formed, I really thought this was my life for the future.Then ... completely out of the blue I received a text message apologizing and saying how great I was but that she sees me more like a friend than a boyfriend and she didn’t know what to do about it, I cannot tell you how I felt when I read this as it was completely out of the blue I had no hints or signs this was coming. I tried to talk to her about but she wouldn’t she said that the way she felt and there was nothing that could be done!There is a catch, her daughters father had turned up the day before this message to see his daughter( he hadn’t bothered for around 3 months)She swore down it was nothing to do with him it was just a coincidence that he showed up the day before.bearing in mind what happened previously I didn’t know what to think. For a week I tried to contact her but she was always short and sharp in her response, basically saying it’s the way I feel and it can’t be changed. (the guy was there most of the week seeing his daughter).The next week then she started ringing me and having a go at me every other day other little nothings like "u changed my pin number on my sky etc" just something of nothings. I asked her to leave me alone as I was trying to get over her, she said she wanted to remain friends and I said it was impossible to do so.Moving on I did not contact her for two weeks then this week out of the blue she has called me and basically said she knows how she feels now and she wants me back she got it wrong!!!I really don’t know what to do, I love the girl to bits, but I can’t keep going back to her forever can I?I can’t prove whether it had anything to do with this guy showing up again either she swears blind it wasn’t but it just seems like too big of a coincidence the way she ended when he showed up, wouldn’t speak to me about it until he wasn’t around etc. If I could that would be it forever!!!I would like to be with her as I know there is something special between us but I can’t be a doormat for the rest of my life I have feelings to!!Help me....am i mising the blatantly obvious or deliberately avoiding or was she just generally confused, i dont want to throwaway something great, but at the same time im not being a chump!
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fell in love, jealous, moved in, period, split up, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Empressjai +, writes (17 May 2010):
 Hi AnonymousYes, you have feelings for this girl but these feelings may be blinding you to what is really going on here. She seems to pick you up when she feels like it and then drop you when it suits her. Because she knows how you feel and because you take her back so easily when she presses you it has now become a habit. No-one can make you her doormat, you choose to be her doormat and keep coating it up as 'i love this girl'. ~This is not the type of behaviour you expect from someone who is supposed to love you. You're on her reserve list and she will treat you with no respect because you have no respect for yourself. Stop using 'love' as an excuse for this bad behaviour and move on. She only treats you this way because you allow her so only you can stop this behaviour. It is so easy to go backwards instead of moving forward and looking for someone more considerate. Find your self-respect and you will be treated with respect.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Really appreciate the responses.
You have basically confirmed my suspicion that i need to slap myself and get over it and have no contact with her.
A lot has happend since my post but its still the same old messing me around situation. But im happier now i know where im heading!!
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A
female
reader, busy04  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 Deliawood said it right!
You can't keep putting yourself in this position, you don't deserve to have your feelings toyed with. It is obvious that she is very confused young woman & she needs time to herself to sort out herself. She has been using you as a crutch (for lack of a better word), only calling when things go wrong for her and that isn't right. No one deserves to be used, you don't deserve to be used.
I think you should let her go...for good! There is a real woman out there that is sure of herself, not confused about what & who she wants, will be sure of her love for you & stable enough to stay with you.
Don't be a "puppet", you can do better & you deserve better.
Best wishes!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): You will never know the true story, so don't waste time trying to figure it out. You do know that she vacillates and and is treating you like a puppet on a string. She seems to "want her cake and eat it, too." I might guess that when things don't go well with the other man, she rushes back to you so she will have someone, or is it something????
You have been letting her have it both ways. Wise up! You yourself called yourself a door mat, so that is what you believe. The only thing that counts is what you believe. What you believe is reality.
Do an about face, cut it off TOTALLY WITH NO CONTACT OR CONVERSATION. You made the right decision to end it way back then. Stick to it. Good luck!
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