A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is 44, I am 25. When we first met, he pursued me, trying reallyyyy hard, and I know he thought I was really hot. He still tells people about how beautiful his girlfriend is, even tells me if he could pick out what his ideal girl would look like, it would be exactly me. He used to always try to have sex, especially when I wasn't really that into him.Well, the thing is now, he never wants to have sex with me. EVER. I have tried at least 3 times a week to initiate sex this month, and we have not had sex one. He just tells me he's tired. Funny, considering he used to try SO hard. The other night, I finally just lost it and started screaming at him, wondering why we don't have sex anymore. He finally told me it's because hes no longer attracted to me. He claims its because my *attitude* ruins it, that I am mean when we fight and it makes him not attracted to me. The thing is, we haven't fought at all recently. We get along and laugh and are sweet to each other all the time. We are best friends and we rarely fight, but when we do, I have said some pretty mean things to him. When we fight, it's usually because he's being overly flirtatious to other girls - like friendlier than he is to me.I don't think he is cheating, but I don't think this is the true reason he's not attracted to me anymore. I look exactly the same as I did when we met. Do you think he is really turned off by me because I get mad at him (rarely)? What can I do?
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female
reader, kahu_mano  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Wait, wait, wait.. this post is also a question. I'm in the same EXACT situation as the original poster. Except I'm 35 and he's 45. Yes I am mean when we argue but he is also. I still have forgiven things he has said to me and it doesn't affect my attraction for him. Like the original poster...even the times we are getting along great he still shows no desire for me but would rather masturbate. After almost 3 years our sex life is crap. He refuses any type of foreplay... It's just lets get this over with. He cannot even climax with me. After about 15 mins all I hear is "I'm done" he rolls over and says nite,nite. Then next morning he takes care of himself. All this boils over into our daily life because I have so much resentment built up. I feel stupid because when I am out I have young men that are barely legal hitting on me and here I go home to someone that doesn't show any interest in me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I don't really know how to answer to this question, but I will tell you this. You are not alone!
I just posted something similar to this about my boyfriend and I. This happened today, I walked in on him about to masterbate and he told me that the reason why he doesn't like to do anything with me anymore is because of my attitude because of how i've treated him, he said that he still wants me tho, which does not make any sense at all. Why would he want to be with me if he is no longer attracted to me?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): He's probably one of those people that enjoys the pursuit more than anything else. He pursued you , then caught you, now he's probably thinking about the next pursuit. If he's not cheating on you now, it's only a matter of time. Sorry I think it's time to move on before more time is wasted... just my opinion of course.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Words are like double edged sword. It can cut deeply into the heart and the heart may not heal from it.
Words are like barbs or poison arrows and if they are not pulled out , will remain in there to fester and become cancerous.
Talk to him and find out which words are still stuck inside his heart and apologize to him, that you did not really meant it but was said in anger.
Becareful with words.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): I'm the original poster. What can I do if he really doesn't find me attractive because I get so angry when we fight?
I really love this man and he is really my best friend. We get along so well most of the time, but I am so hurt and frustrated that he doesn't want sex or find me attractive, but then if I get along with him, he just is happy and fine without sex, or if I do try to talk to him, he just gets mad and then we start to fight...then he tells me about how I'm such a bitch and thats why he doesn't want to. What do i do?!! Thank you
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (30 May 2010):
 He got with you because of your exterior. You're a young, pretty woman--his dream girl.Eye candy. Someone he could parade around in front of his friends. Now that you've been together a while, he sees what's on the inside. Unfortunately, you're not perfect and the reality of who you are is not living up to his dream, hence his loss of attraction.
The only thing you can do is find a man who values you for more than you looks. And try not to be so vain next time that you fall for any man who tells you how pretty you are.
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A
male
reader, SilentDave +, writes (30 May 2010):
Maybe he still angry with you. Try saying sorry to him and be more patient next time when argueing with him.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (30 May 2010):
 Do I think he is really turned off by you because you get mad at him - YES. Honey listen - you may be hot and all that but that in no way makes up for being mean (you yourself have admitted to this) That being said looks have nothing to do with desirability - it has EVERYTHING to do with attitude and mentality.
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