A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my bf for 5yrs now and found out that he has a gambling problem 1yr into our relationship. At that time, I didn't know the extent of his gambling but he has since lost his parent's home, his father passed away and he gambles way beyond his means. His whole household are gamblers so losing the family home was not entirely his fault. His father passed away just before they were kicked out of their home. He always has regrets about what he put his father through and uses that as an excuse and says that he will get back his home or another home to prove to his father (who's dead) that he can achieve it.His problem is so severe that he declared himself bankrupt after his house got taken away. That should have left him with a clean slate but he now borrows money from people at the club where he gambles as he can't borrow from banks. It's in the thousands and he always uses his wages each week to gamble and loses all that or it's not enough to pay people at the club back. He just pays interest and not the principal. They are loan sharks!I'm always worried for his physical safety, as he has been attacked once. It's terrible. I do love him but I'm no longer in love with him. His gambling has made me pull away. Yet, I can't break up with him because I can't bear to see him with someone else. I don't want to be physically involved with him but he wants to, so I don't think it's very fair that I'm holding onto him while knowing that it will never work out and that I do not intend on ever starting a family with him. He wants to have a child now and start a family but it's impossible. With what money??? He can't even pay his rent! Luckily, he lives with his gambling mum and sister who somehow manage to pay the rent but they're like weeks behind in their rent. I have not seen anyone gamble as much as him. It all stems down to greed. I love him, but I guess more in a way where I am around to help him. Not in the gf way. Yet, I am his gf and I don't want to see him with other girls but I know I am being unfair and will have to let him go and I've told him that I'd never start a family with him. He's 38 this year so I feel sorry for him. I pity his life soooooooo much. I don't know what else I can do. I've given him around $30,000 of my savings (practically all) and I have told him that I don't need that repaid. I'm poor myself but I let the past be the past, otherwise, he'll use the excuse that he needs to pay me back to gamble. I'm not in a good situation, but I know my bf is in a lot worse situation. He can't help it and it's not like he's a bad person or anything. It's an addiction. Any advice for me?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 You are not helping him when you give him the money . You are encouraging him to gamble more and become more addicted to gambling. That is not the right way to help him. You need to choke his money so that he has no money to gamble.
If he borrows from those loan sharks, he will be in big trouble as those interests will boom sky high. He will have to run and hide from them or become a body bag case.
You should not have done that if you love him. Now your money is gone and he will take you down with him too. He would sell everything you have and including you too!!!!!
He cannot control his actions anymore and just like a drug addict, he will want more and more and will not care how to find the money as long as there are fools who part with their hard earned money.
Ask him to seek professional help.
Salvage whatever is left and leave him or that little you still have will soon be gone too.
It is like a bottomless pit. Who knows ,those loan sharks will come after you and make life hell for you too.
Why do you have to go through all that ?
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