A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are both in our twenties and have only been married a few months. We're expecting our first child and ever since we've been together I've always been very sexual with him. Since I've been pregnant, my sex drive has doubled and Ive made it known to him that I'm very willing to participate in any sexual fantasy/desire he has. Here lately though I've caught him looking up porn online..Why is he doing that with a hot, availablle, willing wife in his bed??
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female
reader, JESSYBABII +, writes (8 January 2011):
Because he is a man. All men watch porn no matter if there single or not. If you really dont like him watching porn then express this to him. Buy something hot and when he comes home from work come up from behind him and start rubbing his back. When he turns around he will like what he see's. Then he will want you more than porn! Good luck!(:
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo he doesn't communicate with me at all. he's been a complete asshole lately and i'm not sure why. i am almost 6 months pregnant and i havent been hormonal or bitchy at all this entire time i've done everything around the house and taken care of his daughter the whole time and he doesnt appreciate one bit of it. he has just been ignoring me the past couple of days and i don't know what his problem is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Your husband is a selfish wanker. Can he not communicate clearly with you????? You are horny, willing and able and he takes himself off to have a wank. That is not acceptable. If he meets your needs first, then fair enough. But he is NOT meeting your needs and he's not telling you why either and then turning to porn. This is so wrong on so many levels and every here seems to be justifying "mens use of porn". You are hurting, this is not acceptable. Let's not pussyfoot around this issue. It should be sex with you first and if not, he needs to open up and explain to you what the issue is. If he wants to use porn, then fine, but only if your needs are being fully met first.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 One more thing... make sure you explain to him that your horny and sex crazy because of the baby.. Tell him you'd love more loving time...Men can be funny when women are pregnant and he may not realise how sexy you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! I don't guess I have anything to worry about. You've all been a great help!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Well if you are having sex 5 times a week then that is great and shows that clearly he is really into you still and loves having sex with you.
The problem here is the lies and secrecy - so just talk to him about it. My guess is that he is worried what you will think if you knew outright he was watching porn because he will presume you will get mad at him because of it.
So when you talk to him - say "look, I really dont mind you watching porn and understand that as a man, this is just something you like to do. But the lies are a problem and I want you just to be honest about it so from now on can you please try to stop the lies and be up front with me?" That should make him realise that:
a) you know that he watches porn anyway so he doesnt need to try and hide it
b) you wont get all crazy on him for watching it because you dont mind
c) that lying is the only thing that will hurt you, not the porn.
But keep this in mind - the reason why he will say 'oh I'm just playing a bit of Xbox' and then he really watches porn, this is not really lying in the true sense of the word. I mean, he couldnt exactly just say "oh honey by the way I am just going to watch a bit of porn before I come to bed". Do you really want him to inform you each time he watches porn? I know hiding it is bad, but then again asking him to tell you what he is doing all day is equally as bad - so maybe you just need to give him a bit of a free rein, understand that at times he does masturbate to porn and leave it at that. You dont need to know each others every movement and a bit of privacy is always a good thing in a relationship.
I never ask my boyfriend when he watches porn or snoop on his computer to find out - I understand that on the odd occasion he watches it and that is fine. I dont expect him to let me know when he does it, all I need to know is that he does watch it and he would not try and hide it if I asked him about it.
I really think you havent got anything to worry about here, you are just a bit hormonal due to being pregnant and he is just a normal man worried about your reaction if he told you about watching porn. Just try and let this one go, there are far more important things than worrying about when he watches porn!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Dunno about him, but I've looked at porn even when I had a girlfriend because it's a no mess, no stress, totally selfish quickie. With a woman, one still needs to get and keep her horny, be attentive to her needs, engage in foreplay, keep going after finishing one's own needs, etc. It's ABSOLUTELY rewarding, but sometimes a man just wants to relax a little and just get off. It's not any comment on your attractiveness, it's just a personal issue. Sometimes a man doesn't want a full wine and dine dinner either... just a drive through cheeseburger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionkc100--we still have a pretty regular sex life, yes like almost 5 nights a week..and im not bitter about him watching porn it's just that he lies about it, ya know..saying he's playing xbox or whatever.. i don't doubt that he's just doing it for a release. it's just irritating because right now my hormones are insane and i feel like i'm not good enough for him although he disagrees.
chigirl-he pleases me..i just love sex with him so much i don't get tired of it..like i want it everyday . . it's not the fact that he's looking at porn that bothers me, it's that he says he's doing other things and comes in the bedroom to make sure i'm sleeping that way i won't catch him..its secretive and its just irritating.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Is this a problem because you don't have sex with him often enough to please you? And you are feeling that he wastes his hard ons to the screen? Or does he please you, but you are amazed that he is still capable to go an extra round for the screen?
Why exactly does this bother you? Do just need more sex, or does it bother you for other reasons?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 January 2011):
Ok well even so, all the other reasons I gave still apply. 99% of men do it and they all do it for the reasons I mentioned, it is not because they dont like sex or they prefer porn - it is just an easier option when they are looking for a release.
Another couple of questions for you - Do you still have a healthy sex life aside from the porn? Or has the porn taken over and you hardly ever have sex anymore?
If he is only masturbating to porn once in a while (i.e. he is not obsessed with it) and you still are having regular sex then you dont have anything to worry about.
But if he is masturbating to porn more and more, and your sex life is seriously dwindling then I think the best thing to do is talk about it. Dont get mad at him for watching porn and ban him from doing it (that will just make him lie and be more secretive), instead just tell him how it makes you feel. Explain that you are really horny at the moment due to the pregnancy hormones and you would love it if you could have sex a bit more often. Explain that it hurts you that he is watching porn more frequently than having sex with you, and you feel the situation is no longer healthy.
I think most relationships can accomodate porn without any problems as long as the girl tries to understand why men use porn (as I mentioned in my first post). But if porn becomes an obsession and your sex life gets worse when porn use becomes more frequent - then you have a valid problem that needs to be discussed with your partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionkc100- I've noticed he's always looked at it before we got married, before I was pregnant. If I'd go away on a trip or if I'm not here with him overnight. It's like as soon as I would be gone, there he'd go searching. Like tonight...I went to bed and he stayed up to "play xbox"..he came into the bedroom layed down to make sure I was asleep and immediately he woke me up doing that and then he went back into another room and got on his computer and looked it up and masturbated. I even told him I wanted to have sex tonight or I'd give him a bj ha..but he obviously didn't want it.
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A
female
reader, flash666 +, writes (5 January 2011):
 talk to him about it, maybe he's feeling uncomfortable at the thought of having sex when ur carrying ur baby. When ur pregnant ur hormones are all over the place and u start to notice things more, most men have the desire to look at porn and he's more than likely always had this habbit but uve not noticed it before. Give him time he will soon come running for the real thing.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 January 2011):
Ok, in a nutshell, this is why men use porn:
1. It is an escape. It is like a fantasy world where they can just escape real life and induldge - like when women fantasise about George Clooney or whoever when masturbating, it is the same thing for men with porn.
2. It is a quick, easy release. As you have said yourself 'why is he looking at porn when he can have sex with me?' and the reason is this - porn is easier. Sex for men is actually quite difficult and stressful, they are always conscious of whether the woman is enjoying herself, making sure he performs (i.e doesnt cum too soon), he has to do all of the work in most positions (unless girl is on top)and all the woman has to do is lie there and focus on her orgasm - but for men there is so much more going on. Hence porn is the quickest, easiest and least stressful way to 'get off' so to speak. It doesnt mean he does not enjoy sex with you - its just on the odd occasion, men like to take the easy option and have a quick, easy release of tension. Even with oral, he is still worrying about if you are enjoying it, if he is taking too long to cum, if your jaw is hurting, if there will be too much cum....I know in your head it seems like 'well if he wants a quick release I can do it for him' but it simply doesnt work that way!
3. They dont want to have sex with a porn star or want you to look like a porn star - generally when they are watching porn men often think 'oh I would love to do that to xxxx(partner's name).'
So there you go - he is still attracted to you, still loves you, wants to have sex with you etc! The only time you should get worried about porn is if he is lying about it and watching it very frequently, to the point on obession.
But if you are open with him about it, dont judge him for it, dont make a big deal about it and in general are ok about it - then he will never have to hide it from you or lie. Heck - why not even suggest watching it together?! You may find it turns you on too, and he will definitely love that you want to share in his turn-on's!
I have spoke to my partner about this (he is 27 and we have a very happy relationship), and many of my male friends and they all say the same things - the reason why they watch porn is the exact things I have said above. It has no impact on their girlfriends or wives, it is purely about a release for them. Men are very visual creatures so it makes masturbating more enjoyable - what is really so wrong with that? You would never get upset by a man masturbating, so really there is not that much difference between plain old masturbation and masturbating to porn.
Many many women feel the exact same way as you do (search this site and you will see!), and men will always maintain that it is meaningless but the women cannot get their heads around it. And this is where the big difference lies - women attach emotions to sex, whereas men (often) do not. So women are thinking 'why does he need porn when he has me' and they see the porn as a threat, whereas there are no emotions for men attached to porn whatsoever.
You may never understand why men use porn, and that is ok if it simply does not make sense to you. Just as there are many parts of a woman's personality men will never understand, maybe this is one part of your partner that you will never understand. Just accept that this is one gender difference you cant get your head around and dont worry about it. I think what men and women need to do more is to accept that we have differences and not try and rationalise them in our own gender specific ways, at the end of the day men and women will always be different so lets just accept it and get on with it!
And keep this in mind - men are funny about having sex with their pregnant partners. It is completely stupid but often men worry about hurting the baby if they had sex with their partner, so there is a good chance that he might just be a bit put off sex by you being pregnant hence he is turning to porn. Have you only really noticed his porn use since you have been pregnant? Or has it always bothered you from the start of your relationship? If it has only been since you have been pregnant then I would say it is for that reason.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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