A
female
age
36-40,
*reeneyes85
writes:My ex boyfriend and i got back together almost two months ago and he STILL hasn't told any of his friends or family that we are officially back together and i want to know the real reason why. Why is he hiding our relationship from everyone? We had a bad breakup, but i feel like he should let people know we are a couple and that we are in love. He says he doesn't want to tell anyone yet because it will just cause problems for him and he doesn't want the drama. He just "doesn't want to hear it from them" . His family, especially his mother, does not like me because of how our breakup went down. She liked me before that, though. I askedhim if he is ashamed of me and he says no. If he loves me so much, he wouldn't care who knows about it. Least of all his mother! He says he will eventually tell them, but won't say when. So i then said i thought two months is long enough of a wait and that he needs to tell them within the next two weeks because this is just ridiculous. He was like "two weeks? ! Try two MONTHS" . Soooo, he wants me to just sit around waiting an extra few months? , but even then, i don't know if he will really tell anyone. I don't like all this sneaking around. I also don't think he realizes how much it affects me. He doesn't think it's a big deal, while i DO! I haven't brought it up since i confronted him the one time. I'm not going to nag him. I let it go and continued on with the relationship as normal, but tonight, i am extra bothered. He's at his parents house for a Halloween party they are having. He hasn't called or text at all, which is not like him at all. I called him once, he ignored it. I text once, no response. So really, not only does he want to keep our relationship a secret, but now he is not responding which makes me suspicious! Is he hiding something? Right now, i just want to throw in the towel and tell him "I'm done"but he will probably be like "what are you talking about? I thought we were doing great! Where is this coming from?" and will try to make me feel like I'm crazy or overreacting. Really? Really? ! So anyway, my point is....i feel disrespected by these things he is doing. I don't give a rats ass what his friends and family will think about us getting back together, he should be proud to be with me. I seriously don't know what it is, but i have an awful feeling in my stomach that something isn't right. I don't want to jump to conclusion, but i just have a bad feeling.
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female
reader, greeneyes85 +, writes (27 October 2013):
greeneyes85 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much Nikole! Your answer has really put things in perspective for me. He did end up texting me back this afternoon saying "babe, we had a PRE party and I left my phone on the charger. Nothing happened, don't worry" . Excuse me? A pre party? Why was I not aware of this? I didn't say anything about it to him because I don't think it even matters at this point. I never even said anything either about wether "anything happened" so Wtf is he talking about? I haven't responded to the text he sent me this afternoon and I don't think I should at all, quite frankly. I'm not responding like it's a game or anything like that, because this is no game to me, I'm just not responding PERIOD. I don't owe him anything. He wants to keep things a secret about us like we're not even a couple, well, then so be it. We aren't anymore! And Nikole, the story about you and your ex fits my situation to the T. Same scenarios and everything! This is just a total mess of a situation. I know I said I'd give it two weeks, well I've changed my mind. I don't want to be in this at all. This is not how you treat someone you say you're in love with. He doesn't care about my feelings, so I'm not going to waste my time caring about his anymore. DONE-ZO!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Your "bad feeling" is probably called "intuition". No one likes to feel like a dirty secret, or like they're having an affair. Last time a guy did this to me, three weeks after he dumped me he was all over facebook with pictures of him and her and things they were doing together, places they went. While I was in a relationship with him, we only had sex and took walks in the woods and went through the drive-through of a coffee shop. We went out to dinner exactly once in a three-month period and he didn't like the term "boyfriend". I assumed during the relationship that maybe it was because his divorce wasn't finalized but after he was open about NewGirl? I confronted him about it and he never explained himself other than to say, "I just didn't have that connection with you". Well. Obviously the sex was OK with him!I guess I'm just saying that he may be seeing someone else and while he doesn't want to "hear it" from someone else, that's a really shitty, cowardly way out of being open about your relationship. I think a two-week ultimation is just fine. He's probably (sorry to say) having his cake (seeing someone besides you) and eating it too (not letting your families/friends know you were together). That is absolutely a good reason to dump someone. And again, he "dumped you" after you dumped him because he wanted to make his ego feel good.I'm sorry :-(Nickole
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