A
female
age
51-59,
*adden
writes:My question is me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year. I have been deeply in love with this guy for a long time, we enjoy the same things we have fun together,but recently things have changed for the worse, we no long do things together or he never invites me to go any were with him, and he always getting mad at me for something,then starts yelling at me, calling me names then kicks me out,usually every 3 days.Then he will text me mean nasty things tells me I'm lying , says I'm a whore,bitch,and I'm cheating on him, and tells me to not come over and to leave him alone.After about a few hours he tells me he loves me and misses me and wants me to come home.Why is he doing this? He tells me its my fault,and i started it,what can I do to make him change and get us back to loving each other. I miss him and live him so much,
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 January 2017):
 This sounds to me like a bipolar disorder where manic episodes of anger repeat themselves periodically then is followed by him scrambling to undo the damage. Certain bipolar disorders can have these oscillating episodes of anger where the closest one to him is put under verbal and physical attack and once the episode is over he feels extreme sense of guilt but does not wish to talk about the episode, as though nothing ever happened. You should look up bipolar and anger to see if that fits him. Perhaps he is off his meds or has been good at hiding his problem but now that he feels there is deeper commitment on your part he is free to unleash his compulsions on you. Research more in that direction and see if symptoms fit and how you fit in this scenario. Life with such individual can be very hard, as in an understatement.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 January 2017):
 Why is he doing this? Why is he being abusive?
Well, because he is a total twat and because YOU allow it.
TAKE your stuff, PACK your bags, anything you have at his place and get out. Get away from him.
He hasn't suddenly changed. THIS is who he REALLY is. It's " finally" shining through. In the beginning, he was nice and did things with you ALL to butter you up and "lure" you in. Now that he has you and feel secure enough that you will TAKE his abuse his REAL self is showing.
You keep going back AFTER having been verbally abused, because what?
You "love" him? You "hope" he will change? You know this is not his fault?
1. You LOVE the person you thought he was, the guy you first started dating. THAT is NOT who he is. You love a mirage, a fantasy, an imaginary person. I know that SUCKS to find out, but that is what you are doing. That is also WHY you most likely make excuses for his abusive behavior.
2. HE will not change. THIS is who he is. He LIKES being this guy. The one with ALL the power in the relationship. The one who can turn you into putty and stomp on you.
3. This IS NOT your fault. You haven't done ANYTHING to make him into this twat-waffle. IT IS ALL ON HIM. Just because he TELLS you it's your fault, doesn't mean it IS your fault. What IS your fault, however, is that you KEEP going back after each episode (which you mention happens every 3 days?! Are you nuts?!) YOU need to be the one to BREAK the cycle. Which means GET your stuff from his place, wish him well, and CUT all contact. Block his number or even better get a new phone number and ALERT family and friends to NOT give it to him as you two are done.
You keep seeing him and my guess is he will escalate to physical violence.
OP, get out while you still can.
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