A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I have been seeing each other for a couple of months now,and we have only just slept together for the first time, as i was pregnant ( not his) and he now wants to move in with me and my child,which he is very good with, we are both happy with each other, we have only said i love you over txt and sometimes i never believed him as only over txt, then the other night during sex he said i love you, ive never had a guy say this to me before and in that way so im wondering if he's being serious or he was just saying it to me.. has any one else ever had this or guys have u ever said this to ur gf during sex im very confused and keeps going over in my mind :) many thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): "Why is he being so serious about wanting to say he loves me?"Probably because SAYING "I love you" without meaning it is the easiest way for a manipulative freeloading con artist to weasel his way into a naive trusting female's affections, pants, bed and home (ideally rent free), in that order.You've known this guy for two months, you started seeing him when you were eight-months knocked up with another guy's kid, you have a newborn baby, and now HE wants to move in? Are you serious???Where has baby daddy been for the past two months and before? What court-approved arrangements are in place for him regarding visitation (his right) and child support (his obligation)? If I was the single or separated or divorced father of a newborn I wouldn't allow my baby to sleep under the same roof as a total stranger shacking up with the mother of my child, and I would be pursuing every legal avenue possible to make sure that absolutely DID NOT happen. Unrelated live-in boyfriends are responsible for a disproportionate number of horrific cases of child abuse and neglect, and you hardly know this guy; at this point in time it's completely irrelevant whether "he is very good with" a kid that isn't his bio-spawn. For all you know he could have a closet full of exes and/or not-so-exes and/or baby mamas and/or kids and/or other dark secrets of his own that could come flying out of the woodwork once he has fully ingratiated himself into your life, home and finances. Given you don't mention your kid's bio-dad at all, you are apparently just out of a relationship that didn't even survive your very recent pregnancy, yet you already have a replacement boyfriend and surrogate baby daddy lined up and being taken for a test drive around the bedroom?You're a mother now, your love life is no longer your top priority, your weeks-old infant's interests take precedenceover yours. You should be devoting your efforts to getting your kid's father involved in his child's life if at all possible, not auditioning new guys to warm his vacant side of your bed.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2012):
 I am not quite sure what the problem is here? Is it you doubt him when he says he loves you because it was only through sex. It sounds to me like he wants to be with you. Plenty of people express themselves when they are being intimate. If he wants you all to be a family and you are happy well then I do not see where the doubts are coming from. Okay fair enough he might not always tell you he loves you but words mean nothing, its how someone acts not what they say, and if he is treating you well then please don't over think things.
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A
male
reader, Nehemie Mb  +, writes (1 July 2012):
Hi, I can imagine an array of reasons why him loving you might sound unbelievable. But referring to what you've written as a guide, I'll tell you ma'am, mister is waaayyyy head over heels for you! How do I know? Well, for one (1). If a guy wants sex, he has it and walks away. If he gets the sex and still sticks around, especially in your context (a woman with a child) then he truly finds something more to you than just sex.2. About a year ago, I had a single mom girlfriend. The baby wasn't mine obviously, and to show my love to her I did all one could to really represent a father figure to her daughter. As you can deduce, I did it because I loved the mother (my girlfriend). I don't think that a guy who doesn't care about you would even give an inkling about your child. Think about it! It perfectly makes sense.3. Guys just don't give away "I love you"s. If you like, just conduct a little experiment on this very site and see just how many post on "why can't he say it", "why doesn't he say he loves me" ,etc. there are in here. I should know, I've answered quite a lot of them. With the added fact that he said it during sex! The power of that sentence was at its apex. Trust me. People say all kinds of things during sex, but it's actually kinda awkward to say "I love you" to somebody during sex if you don't mean it. Don't you think?If that guy is trying to make himself part of your and your child's life, don't trammel his momentum, let him in! Don't feel like you're not worthy to be loved, why wouldn't you? And no, you won't find any logic in why he loves you, has anyone ever found logic in love? Just take this blessing as it comes to you. Yes you have to be cautious to protect you child, but don't let that be a barrier that will prevent people from entering your life and showing you the love they have for you. Give it a try, you may just be delightfully surprised!
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