A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Basically I don't know what's wrong with my friend. We used to be so close but things have changed. I don't get what's wrong with him. Last summer it was the first time he started flirting with me and I told him not to. So he avoided me for literally 3 weeks. But within that time I was acting fine as though nothing happened so things didn't seem awkward between us. But he was still acting cold towards me even though I was absolutely cool with him. Because we're family friends, he and his family came down for my cousins wedding. But I avoided him coz I was annoyed with the way he blamed me for the flirting although he was the one who had started it. However, he started the flirting again but was more open and became extremely complimentary. Within minutes of explaining why he avoided me, he started the flirting again. He said he couldn't stop staring at me and how he thought I looked pretty during the wedding. Few days later he said that my nephew called him up and asked him if me and him were together. But the thing is my nephew has never seen me and him together. We only talked via text and that's it, not face to face. My friend suggested that we should avoid each other for a while but I kept saying no coz there's nothing going on between us and if we do ppl will think that there is. However, he still decided to avoid me for a bit and even blamed me coz my nephew asked him. I had nothing to do with it of course. Him and my nephew were together all the time. So that never made sense. Within that time tho I was still fine and acted like a friend. But he used to ignore me for no reason. So I always used to be on his case and used to ask what was wrong etc coz he doesn't talk when I try and have a conversation. It used to be annoying coz he used to flirt with me all the time and then always avoid me as in be would ignore my texts. So I asked him and he said he wants to talk to me but he gets worried when we start flirting coz he doesn't know if were both still joking or being serious. He said he trusts me. At the time I didn't know what he was asking me, so I just left it. So the viscous cycle kept repaeating itself, he used to flirt and open up but them always avoid me. Like the next day I'd start a normal convo but he would ignore my texts. That annoyed me sooo much coz I didn't want him to talk to me just to flirt. He always used to make excuses like he was busy and he'd be mean and cold as well. So I asked him whether he was joking or being serious. He said he was joking first but when I said it he said that's alright but then he said he doesn't think I'm being honest. I don't get why he said that. But then he said if we both weren't being serious then that's the problem. Since then he's been completely awkward and very cold. It's been like this for months and I try all the time to sort things out. But he never tells me what's wrong. About a month ago he said he enjoyed the flirting n that's why he hasn't been talking to me. He said my nephew asked him if he liked me n he got scared he would go n tell everyone. But I dnt get why he got asked that. I just don't see why he would avoid me over sumthin that isn't true. I think that's ridiculous and stupid. We're friends so I dnt get why he would have to avoid me and blank me coz of that. I take him as a friend but he's so awkward. I just wanna talk to him on the level not flirting. The other day he said he doesn't wanna talk to me and he has nothing to say to me. He said I'm a friend n that's it. But before he said all this I had always said that to him. Ive told him I just wanna talk to him like normal. He's blamed me. He even said it's lik as though I'm obsessed to talk to him. Lik seriously, what the hell!! How could he even say such a thing coz that just isn't true. All I've been trying to do is maintain our friendship but he's too busy acting awkward with me. Now I don't bother sorting things out. I just don't get why he's being so cold and weird with me. What's his problem????
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female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (15 July 2011):
He obviously really likes you, keeps hoping you'll somehow change your mind and feel the same way about him. So it hurts him when he is rejected again so he becomes cold and avoids you to get over it and not show he's hurt. All the behaviours you mention are all based around this, him mentioning what your nephew said was to see how receptive you would be to the idea of you two being together. Out of interest did you actually ask your nephew what he said and if he did say something - why? Basically there's not much you can do about this. If I were you I'd sit him down and explain gently that you're not interested in anything more than friendship and never will be in the future. Also tell him the flirting really has to stop, if he starts again pull him up on it then and there and don't respond to it. Your friend could be right you may need to avoid each other, there may be nothing going on but it could be the only way to stop this cycle.He might not be able to handle it and might need some time to get over this, so if that's what he needs just give him time and space. Rejection hurts and even if you had a good friendship it won't make it any easier to deal with. Don't try quite so hard with the friendship too as he might take you always initiating the convos as interest. When/if he's ready for friendship he'll get in touch with you.
A
female
reader, jess111 +, writes (15 July 2011):
 i think that the first time he flirted with you and you rejected the fliritng he felt very embaressed. But dont worry its not your fault as all you have tried to do is keep your friendship going.Just ask hime face to face what his problem is and see if you can talk it through. He may just be experimenting with you to see if he can get away with this type of behaviour and what your rection would be to flirting. good luck and let me know how its going :)
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