A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,In dec i met the most amazing man, the moment we saw each other there was something there. We get along so well and we're so close without even trying we understand each other and trust and confide in each other. We live 5 hours away from each other. Since dec we have been calling each other and smsing and i have been up to see him 4 times. He has not been to see me once. The closest we got was holding hands and hugging nothing more. We both 27 and born on the same day. When we together it's like we both can't stop talking and when i leave we both get so sad and down it's like his so miserable and so i am i. His career is his life he works 7 days a week. He is a physio and he absolutely loves his job it's more than just a job it's a huge part of him. When we first met he said it's so hard for him to have a relationship becuase no one not even his closest of friends and family understand his job and how hectic it is for him. When he calls me and i am out he says things like he has to work hard so i can have nice things he always makes comments like that. Anyways, about 3 weeks ago things changed for some or the other reason the day before we both turned 27 he called me and we spoke for hours about nothing which we both found so silly because we really had nothing to say to each other but just wanted to speak. The day after our birthday he stopped calling completely, has made no effort. no sms's nothin. When i call him he says that it's been so hectic with work and every night since our bday his been out drinking not getting drunk but wine etc. When i saw him before our bday we went for dinner and we talked a lot and he said that his cousin whom he is really close to said to him that he is afraid of a relationship becuase he has not dealt with the fact that he had cancer about 3 years ago and what he went thru and that is why he is afraid. I am not sure where that came from but he just told me. On fri night he was very drunk and we went out anyways, we fell asleep in the same bed and he held me and held my hands and did not let go, it was the most amazing feeling for cos i love him so much. I have never felt the comfort and closeness i feel with him. I know he was really drunk but i just loved being with him. Since then he has not called to apologise for his behanviour so monday i called him and he had no re-collection of fri night and oh okay the most imp part he attempted to put his hands down my pants which i stopped him from doing and i told him this becuase i was hurt even though i know he was drunk fri night and i should not have gone with him in the first place.He was very emabarrassed and felt very bad and said that he really can't speak to me and he put the phone down on me. I felt so hurt by that so i sms'd him and told him i loved him and how i feel about him and how great it was for me to be in his arms fri even though i know he was drunk and cannot even remember i told him that i do respect him and that it's hard for me to be just his friend so maybe it's best we go our separate ways and that i will be fine and he's an amazing person and i will always love him. Anyways no response that was monday night so anyways yesterday i felt like crap could not sleep or work or anything so i called him he said that he has been feeling like crap as well and he needs to talk to me but he was busy with patients and he would call me last night and we would talk i need to just keep quite and listen. And he said he does not want to lose me.He has not called as yet. I called him last night and he did not answer i feel like a fool for calling i have not slept i can't think i feel like an idiot and i know it's not the end of the world heartbreaks happen and reject is never easy. I know i don't need him to complete me i am an intelligent bright beautiful womon and i know all of this but i just feel so lost and completely alone and i feel as if i am empty and even though i want him to call me and tell me he loves me tooo i am afraid what if he does not. But this is crazy cos i feel as if he does. I am not shy why he is not calling or why he is so distant, his the most honest man ever. Our families are very close, our brothers are best friends. He know's me and i know him. It's not like him not to be honest and just say you know what i don't feel the same about you. Why is he avoiding me??? That is tearing me up completely???? Why do you think he is ignoring the fact that i have told him i love him. He's not a weak man, he's very strong, and he knows me so well. Why is he doing this and what am i doing. I have a great job and i feel as if i am messing it all up cos i can't think i can't do anything i feel numb.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 I can understand how he loves his work and he will have a very gruelling schedule but there's more to this. I think he does really love you very much but he is scared of getting too involved again for some reason. He may have been hurt in the past but I personally think it's in case the cancer comes back again... (if it hasn't already done so.) This might be why he said he needs to talk to you.
Eve
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