A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I know this may come across as a bit of an immature question but my boyfreind got Whassap a couple of months ago and his last seen times are during the night. Sometimes like 4 or 5 AM. When I stay the night with him, he never gets up and checks his phone, or goes online and never gets up during the night, but will check it when we get up. So, I'm starting to wonder if he is cheating? And checking his phone when he leaves someones house, as he gets up at 6.30 am during the week and if he stays he leaves about 5am to go home first Before work. I noticed this has happened on his whassap during the week and he is not seeing me during the week. I just wonder as he is on it at really weird times. I'm not stalking him, but I don't really trust him and want to know if my fears are unfounded re. By whassap and that he doesn't get up when with me. I do not want to ask him either as he will lie if he is cheating. I just want a view. I am happy to dump him of he is . Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all. We have had a tough time and I actually changed my number today and ended it. I am probably wrong NOW re. Him cheating or planning to cheat, as he has been very unsure about us. To give you a bit of background, I did find some revealing emails a couple of years back. He was cheating for sure. I got over it, but never really trusted h since then. He also spent the last few years messing me around, seeing me on his terms only which was hardly ever, gave me the silent treatment on a number of occasions and dissapeared for weeks at a time. I saw him last weekend and it wS a disaster.This whassap stuff was really getting to me, and even if he hadn't cheated, my head was spinning and I was anxious. This same guy said we were going out for something to eat that weekend, and ordered ONE meal and ate it in front of me saying I could have some of his if i like. I declined. When I woke up this morning torturing myself as to why he had logged in or not logged in, I just new it was time to let it go. I called my service provider and had the number changed there and then. I could not take living with him ignoring me, ignoring texts and picking me up and dropping me anymore. It was the last straw and ultimatley my responsibilty to end it. We had split and got back recently, and within a week the nasty behaviour started creeping in again. I could not trust him even if he was being faithful. I was checking it on and off all day and night too see. That's no way to live is it...so i'm out of it all now. It had been in the cards for months. It was a relief not yo have to think of whassap, calls, why hadn't he called, will he call etc etc. I ' ve been living like that on and off for years.The whassap obsession I had was not healthy. Anyway..it's over now. Thank you for your answers. Xx
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 Do you have trust issues- because of his past misdeeds, or perhaps because of YOUR basic insecurities.. ? ( it would be very different , obviously ).
Anyway, FWIW, your concern sounds a bit paranoid. He does not check his phone at night when he is with you ( and hopefully, not too often even ar daytime ! ) because he is WITH YOU- it's just rude to whip out your phone every 5 minutes to check any inanities that random persons may have sent you ( Yeah I know that people DO it; nevertheless is not a good habit ). And/ or maybe when he is with you he sleeps better and does not wake up at night :).
He might wake up for whatever reason during the night ( thirsty, needs going to the bathroom, a sudden noise.... ). take the chance for checking his Whatssap , then fall back asleep right after. I know it happens to me- do you always sleep loke a log, invariably ? Lucky you !!
Besides, Whatsapp, with all the apps and social media there are ,is not the best or most convenient for flirting or hooking up, in fact so far I do not know anybody who uses it this way. Also, it is very often used for GROUP messaging , somehow you always end up on somebody's group lists, so, never say never of course, but I do not think that your suspicions are justified in lack of OTHER reasons.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 June 2015):
 Whassap is a messaging service. Who says he can't check it when he's up? Maybe he isn't on it around you because he's enjoying his time with you instead of his head stuck in his smartphone.
How are you able to track his login time on that app? Are you on it as well? Either way, you're driving yourself crazy. His time on an app isn't proof of cheating by a long shot. He may be a night owl like me, or he may very well be up to no good.
However, what's the most telling here is what you said: that you're happy to dump him if he's cheating. If you don't trust him, then break up with him and don't waste your time trying to dig.
However, and you need to purge yourself of all denial when I ask this question of you - are you a suspicious or insecure person by nature? Because indulging trust issues because of your insecurity will destroy all of your relationships. If you're not usually having trouble with trust and are just getting vibes off of this guy you're with now, that's one thing. But if you find yourself snooping all the time no matter who it is, and if you've been cheated on before, or have accused a number of guys of cheating, then this is about YOU.
A cheater's going to cheat whether or not you're surveilling, stalking, snooping, or accusing. The question is - are you attracted to cheaters? Some people are without knowing it, going for traits that seem great (aka "bad boys" or "high drama" or "passionate"), but have a flake side to them. It's the same reason why some girls seem to attract all the domestic abusers...it's because it's a trait they're pursuing without knowing it.
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