A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:dear Aunts,i have a boyfriend, we're "official" for about two months now, so not that long.there's quite big age gap between us, he's 16 years older than me (i'm 24).my problem is....i think he doesn't find me attractive.we get on really well, we have lots in common but the thing is we didn't have sex yet. i really want to be closer to him, being close phisically is really important to me, and to him as well. last weekend i was staying at his house and i thought its the right moment, but he told me he wouldn't want to rush things up. i didn't want to force him in any way so we cuddled and fell asleep. i felt like he was treating me like a child or something. i have a strong feeling he doesn't fancy me, that's why he didn't want to have sex.i know i have talk to him about what happened but i dont know how to do it. i dont want to act like complete idiot or desperate.please help, any advice appreciated! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone!
i wasn't pushy and it was really worth waiting.we're doing fine.
xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Sounds like he really cares about you and wants to make sure that you realize the impact of getting involved with someone who is that much older.
Heck, he might even be intimidated by you sexually.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): no, he broke up with his ex about half year ago. they dated for quite a while tho.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2011): Is he recently broken up or divorced?
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A
female
reader, ZoeHannah +, writes (10 October 2011):
 Hello Anonymous!
Glad to hear your relationship is smooth sailing apart from this.
When problems like these occur it is so easy to blame ourselves rather than looking objectively into the situation.
I am very doubtful there is anything wrong with you, or your appearance. And often there are some very simple and obvious explanations for this situation.
For example, maybe your partner is still getting over a bad break-up? Maybe there are some underlying issues for him, that he feels he cannot share with you, (Money problems particularly). Maybe he has an erectile dysfunction? or the most likely case, maybe he cares for you so deeply he is suffering from a bout of stage fright. All of the above may be worsened if you put too much pressure on him to have sex.
Be flattered and show him your appreciation that he isn't treating you like 'just any other girl'. Men respect Women more when they can prove their value - and there is nothing more valuable than the first time you have sex.
Cool off when it comes to sex and let him come to you. If you can wait until he's ready and then a little bit more, you will feel much more in control and can enjoy the feeling of being wanted by your partner, rather than feeling you are forcing him.
The longer you can wait the better.
Best Wishes and Good Luck!
Zoë
X x X
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