A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. The relationship has been really good but has definitely not been perfect; he has lied to me a lot. He first lied about being in touch with his ex, and carried on being in touch with her even after us talking and him saying he would stop talking to her. He was then speaking to another girl and lying to her about himself (that he worked etc) and was arranging to meet her, I saw some messages and she was massively flirting so I told him and he said he wouldn't talk to her (then messaged her telling her what I had said and that they would meet anyway). He has lied about work, about money, about what he's doing. The lies got less worse but he still lies about money and forgot to pay for things, he's currently living at my parents with me and hasn't paid all of his half of the rent. And stupid thing on my behalf is that we have just been accepted to rent a house. I am kicking myself because I know he wont pay his way. Currently he only earns about £800 a month (part timer) and he has to pay my dad £50 rent (which is nothing) and he still can't afford to pay it all this month. He said that the first thing we will have to do when we move in is sort the internet out!! Erm no! He does not think. He is clueless. He just gets what he wants when he wants it and doesn't engage his brain. I know that by us moving out together is going to make or break (well lets face it...break us) but a part of me is wondering if I should have just dumped him before moving. I am worried to dump him though because years ago I lost a large number of friends (I stopped drinking and doing drugs)and have not really made any new friends since, so I'm worried I will be alone! I know I will be able to pay rent and bills by myself but is easier with two. And I'm annoyed that I've given him an easy ride. In 3 years I have saved £6000, and put money towards our holidays. In the same time he has saved £300 (which he put in his saving this month...and I don't even believe that) and has paid towards holidays. And I couldn't wait any longer to get out of my dads house while my boyfriend saved more money. It's hard living at my dads and I need my own space. If I had moved out by myself and kept my boyfriend I know he would have ended up moving in and having a free ride, so by putting him on the paperwork at least they will chase him if he doesn't pay. He won't even try and get more hours at work or get a second job..and he only works 4.5 hours a day and still moans about it!! I don't really know what advise I want, maybe some insight on why I haven't dumped him sooner and have been so stupid!! Has anyone else found themselves in similar situations?
View related questions:
at work, drugs, flirt, his ex, money, moved out, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 November 2015):
 Firstly! Stop beating yourself up!
You have like MANY people (men and women) before you, stuck it out with someone (partner) in hopes that they would shape up and pitch in. Sometimes it happens, more often... it doesn't - silver lining is, you have no kids with him!! So breaking up can be a clean break.
If you can afford to rent the house by yourself - I'd say break up BEFORE moving in (alone - or find a room mate - I'd suggest female). If you can't afford it on your own, find a smaller place you can afford by yourself.
As for being alone, maybe it's NOT as bad a thing, as you think it is. I mean with the past friends you ran with, this mooching BF versus being alone? I'd take being alone over druggies and a useless BF. It will also give you space and time to rethink your choices, and where you want to go next.
As for making friends, yes that does get a little harder as you get older, not only because we are all more busy, but also more picky in whom we want to surround ourselves with. Doesn't mean you need to go out and get 5 cats and be a lonely cat-lady from now on ! (unless that is what you want).
It sounds like you have outgrown your BF and that happens - so let him go and let yourself GROW. Why stay with someone who frustrates you and makes you miserable? You do know, he is not the only guy out there?!
I think you already know what you want to do, you just need a little kick in the bum to actually do it.
Chin up, you can do it!
|
