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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Is it normal for the other woman to start hating or resenting the married man she's been seeing for a while? How does it go from him being able to do no wrong to thinking less of him over time? So, from love to hate?Seems like such a drop in her feelings and thoughts. Does this even make any sense?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2017): Being the lady on the side; your feelings really have little weight. If it wasn't you, he'd find someone else. You're sharing and on borrowed time; so love and hate as you please.
He takes what he wants from you; then goes home to his wife and family. He has a job, a wife, a family-life, and you're his little secret playmate. Because you don't fit among his highest priorities; his ego makes him feel like you provide him a service and have no right to set any high expectations.
He cheats on his wife. He uses you. I think he probably thinks even less of you than you'll ever know. He doesn't care what you think. If the sex stops, he's gone anyway.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 October 2017):
 Like Honeypie said - it's REALITY.
Let's say for the sake of this example, that the married person is a man, and the mistress is a woman since that's your situation. It does work both ways though, when the woman is married and the man is the other man.
An affair usually travels down a specific trajectory:
Married person makes the moves on someone outside the marriage. The illicit nature of the affair, plus the intoxicating intensity of it, heighten the feeling of intimacy artificially, making the relationship addictive and nearly obsessive. Stuff gets said about how people didn't know the meaning of love before they met each other, or how unhappy they were in their marriage, or how all they want is to be free to be with the one they love, etc. etc.
After a varied amount of time, the unmarried mistress starts wanting more than just sex and secrecy. She wants the actual trappings of a true relationship, like dates, cruises, holidays, going out in public together, meeting and becoming part of his social circle. You know, things that come naturally to two un-attached partners who find each other.
The mistress starts wanting more than sex. She has been hearing how unhappy the married man is in his situation, and now when she starts trying to figure out how to make this glorious "new life" happen, he's putting the brakes on those talks, with excuses like the children, his spouse's "fragility", the "timing" or the popular "We just need to wait a little longer". He then starts giving gifts, or saying things designed to keep her in the affair while putting off the conversation.
Eventually, the married man's spouse finds out about the affair, and all hell breaks loose. The married man, who just months (or years if this is a long, drawn-out affair) said all of these ridiculously poetic things about love to the mistress, is now on his knees crazy out of his mind trying to keep his wife and his marriage. He's now spending his breath denying his feelings for his mistress with as much fervor as he was confessing them to her back when the affair was hot and heavy.
The really crazy thing is -- even if the wife divorces the married man, it's not likely that he'll turn his affair into a in-the-open relationship because now, the illicit nature that made it so alluring is gone, and now it's associated with the pain of the failure of his marriage and family.
You are despising your married lover because he will never be what you want. The relationship is a lie. It's designed for sex and HIS happiness, not yours. You are disposable, and you're starting to wake up to that fact.
You have a gift now, and you should use that gift of insight to drop him before things get really out of hand. Your life is wasted until you leave him.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 October 2017):
You are starting to understand that you will always be second best in his life. He comes to you when it’s convenient for him the occasional slap and tickle then he goes back to his wife and family and his comfortable life leaving you alone and lonely.
Now that you’re starting to wake up it’s time to send him back to his wife and find a man of your own not some other woman’s husband.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (29 October 2017):
There is a narrow borderline between love and hate.So when love cant grow between two people,as is always the case in dating a married man/woman.Yes this makes a lot of sense and who wants to be SECOND-BEST in a relationship.with neither respect or future....just while the lust last...and nothing.....or just a broken heart and later having a trust problem.After all if a married man/woman cheat on those that they are married to......what chance has the other woman.Maybe you are looking at your situation in Clear daylight...and not happy with what you see.Dating a married man is a waste of Your time.Best wishes NORA B.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 October 2017):
 I think it's possible. Maybe because the reality is setting in? You have realized that nothing substantial will come of this and that you are wasting your time and emotion on a man who CAN'T commit to you. Even if he CHOSE to leave his wife for you... statistically, the odds are against it working out.
Also are you sure it's HIM you are "hating"? Not yourself for allowing yourself to be some side-chick for a married guy?
But My question to you is - if this is how you feel... WHY are you not walking away?
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 October 2017):
 Maybe you have woken up and realize that he's using you and you are tired of being second best. I'd say that is a great step in the right direction. Who wants sloppy seconds? That is what you are settling for when you see a married man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2017): This is a stretch, but let's take it off the table.Do you often have these emotional roller-coasters with friends, lovers, partners, family, colleagues...? Can you (quickly) get to like someone and idealize him only to hate him when you face reality or when that person does not meet your needs/requirements?If the answer is yes, than google borderline personality disorder and find a therapist.Now, if it's just this once, then... good morning! You're waking up to the realities of carrying on with a married man. You've idealized your relationship, perhaps maybe even believed that you don't need more, but you (as anyone would) secretly hoped that he'll put you first, at least sometimes.Know, that it doesn't happen. Cheaters never put anyone first (not even their wives and kids, no matter what they say), but themselves.Do not hate him, that's a waste of energy. Use that energy for yourself. Leave him and look ahead. Don't waste a single day on him. If you don't put yourself first no one will.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (29 October 2017):
Maybe caused he's married.....has a family with his WIFE... Because you will always be second...your really only for sex.
Those are what popped into my head. Let him go. Be good to yourself. Love you before you start hating you.
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