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Why have I reacted this way about my ex's engagement?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 December 2005) 3 Answers - (Newest, 8 December 2005)
A , *ngel-lee writes:

Please help me! i have just found out that my ex boyfriend, whom i was with for 5 years has got engaged! i am with someone else now and i love him dearly but when i found out about my ex it really hurt! why am i feeling like this? i am in love with my boyfriend and i have no doubt in my mind about that but i was really upset about this and i still am, why have i reacted so badly to this news? i guess someone deep inside i am wondering what she has got that i never had? i was with him for 5 years and he said he was in love with me. I suppose i just feel a bit down now because he has got engaged to someone who he hasnt even been with for a year when i was with him for 5 years. Is there something wrong with me? why have i reacted like this? please, someone give me some answers

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005):

I take a different slant on your situation, hun. You are feeling dejected because your ex-bf's engagement to another woman is forcing you to re-examine yourself. Quit doing that to yourself! You may have lost this ex fiancee to another woman but you need to focus on the gains that have come about as a result as of that loss. You now are in an incredible relationship with a great man whom you love dearly. So..Let this go, because once you are able to acknowlege the past, you can step into the future with your current beloved. Instead of closing your heart and getting all upset over this...expand it and relish the wonderful moments with your bf, in the here and now. And above all, love yourself and keep having compassion for everyone. Stay happy and I wish you all the best.

Hugs, Irish

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A male reader, Smart Guy +, writes (8 December 2005):

I assume he then left you when you broke up, and he found someone he thinks he is more compatible with. You need to let him go and find out. Wish him luck and move on, otherwise you'll wait possibly your lifetime for him to come back when there are at least 1 million great guys out there for you.

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A female reader, fairyangel South Africa +, writes (8 December 2005):

fairyangel agony auntYour reaction to this news is actually quite understandable. When we leave long term relationships, we often feel that the ex will never find another partner as good as you.We all would like to think that we have been the best that he will ever encounter, that we have "spoiled " him for any other woman.Well, this unfortunately is not always the case... that is the truth and we just have to accept this as hard as it is to digest.

You are now in love with someone else, so stop obsessing about your ex and what is going on in his life, he just wasn't ready to take this step with you, but he is now and he is with someone else, so all that remains for you to do now, is to deal with it.

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