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female
,
anonymous
writes: i had sex for my second time and it did nothing for me! it still hurt slightly and didnt arouse me. whats wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 December 2005):
 Nothing is wrong with you; you've just been taken in by popular media, which suggests that the merest contact between penis and vagina is enough to drive women wild with passion, inevitably leading to multiple orgasms.
Hmm. I know that sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but that really is how sex is portrayed in movies and on TV. But it doesn't follow that that's always true, for everyone. After all, Superman could fly on TV too, you know.
Good sex is a long-term project. You and your partner have to learn how to do it well, so that it's pleasurable for you. Otherwise it can be just as you've described it: not bad, just a little uncomfortable.
If you're not already familiar with your own body and what gives you the most pleasure, then you need to start exploring until you are. Then you need to help your partner, by showing and telling him what does it for you. (This is the part that TV always seems to miss explaining. Two people need a certain level of trust and intimacy before they have sex, so they can talk about what works best for them.)
A good way to start is to refrain from penetrative sex until you've reached a point where you feel like you're begging for it. Oral sex is a really good way to do this for most of us, but fantasising, dressing up, and sex toys are all permissible too!
For the record, a whopping 80% of women don't have an orgasm by sex alone. Most women need some other stimulation like oral sex, a vibrator or rubbing their own clitoris during sex to achieve an orgasm. If your partner is inexperenced too, this is a chance for you both to improve your sexual skills. Experiment with different positions that allow you both to touch each other in new ways.
The good old missionary position is fine for a small group of women, but it CAN be improved upon. Just don't be afraid to claim your right to orgasm too! You do that with practice and a willing and game partner.
Have fun...
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