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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't stop feeling so stupid that I gave my ex a second chance. We met two years ago and I had just gotten out of a relationship and so had he. Many times I told him we should just be friends, but he kept insisting and I finally gave in. We were just dating and had only kissed once, and then he went back home (out of state) for a few weeks for work and he was about to come back and I was supposed to pick him up at the airport the next day but I freaked and texted him instead saying I wasn't going to. I was afraid that if I called him he would be pushy like always and that I would end up dating him when I really wasn't ready for a new relationship. Well, I guessed right and he had a hard time taking no for an answer and really scared me by calling me so many times even from different numbers because he knew how to. Anyway, I finally answered and he said he had treated me like gold and was furious. We weren't even together and probably were dating for 3 weeks! Then, at a bar a month later he asked to talk to me and I said no and he yelled and cursed at me saying that I was fucking stupid. Then I was really scared. Well, a few months later he saw my friend at the bar (and I was at the bar that night) and she knew about how he had treated me and he asked if he could buy her a drink and she said no and that she knew what he did to me and he grabbed her arm and said that when someone offers someone a drink they take it! Well, her and her other friend tried to get away from him and ran into the bathroom and when they came out he grabbed her arm again and and called her a stupid bitch and she slapped him.He got kicked out and people cheered. Anyway, I was oblivious but my ex said that he didn't get kicked out. My question is, why in the world would I agree to go out with him 6 months after these incidents and get engaged to him? I feel so stupid! Am I just as bad because I once called him a fucking slut in our relationship. I can't get over the fact that I never should have started a relationship with him though. Why would I do such a stupid thing and fall in love with someone I was scared of at the very beginning? What is wrong with me?! I know it's over now, but I can't stop beating myself up.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Stop beating yourself up. He did that enough already.
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 It doesn't sound like you love him. It sounds like he has convinced you that you love him, he has convinced you to get engaged, he has pushed you into the relationship.
Why would you want ot be with someone like that? Mentally and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
Someone who hit on your friends, and then bullied them too?
Just walk away. It strikes me that you are either a very nice, easy going person, or suffer from low self esteem. The latter are usually a great target for pushy, domineering, abusive men like him. People with low self esteem are easily bullied into things they don't want, especially with the manipulative behaviour this man has shown you - shouting that he has treated you like gold, blah blah blah, when you wouldn't pick him up from the airport.
Get out, fast, while you can!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): good on you that you had the courage to get out of the relationship, and it sounds as if you have some great friends to support you, you said that you had both just got out of relationships, so maybe you thought that getting back with your ex was better than being on your own. Many women rush into relationships just after getting out of one, give yourself quality time on your own and with your friends and only get into another relationship when you are ready. There is no point in beating yourself up about it, everyone makes mistakes, a
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Love can either make us happy or hurt us when we become blind. People sometimes never take the time to realize how much this person can hurt them. You stayed with him not out of love, but out of fear because of what you thought he was capable of. He had his way of manipulating people to get what he wants and he used that against you all the time. What matters now is not what your mistake were, but rather the lesson that you learned. You said its over so dont beat yourself over it. You ended it because you finally thought of the misery he was causing you can that your worth more than he can give you. You learned from your mistakes and thats all that seems to be important. Let go of your past ad simply start fresh. Just try not to make the smae mistakes twice, but i dont think you would. Im happy for you and good luck!
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