A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm new to the world of dating and I'm really confused about how it works. I've been single for about six months now. I've been on some horrible dates; however, about a month ago, I met a guy I really, really like and we've been dating pretty frequently (2-3 dates a week) for about three weeks.I don't think I've ever allowed myself to like anyone this much, and in some ways, it honestly freaks me out. I'm very independent, self-sufficient, have a career, and live on my own. It's impossible not to adore him, as he's got all of the major qualities I've always looked for - sweet, funny, intelligent, thoughtful, trustworthy, well-spoken - and it doesn't hurt that I'm painfully attracted to him, not one bit. We're both in the IT field, and our interests are very similar, so we have a lot in common. Our conversations are all over the board. We make each other laugh. He's met my friends and he's great with them. He's allowed me to convince him to go camping with me, which is coming up soon. I've never been able to find all of this in one person. It's been only three weeks. I adore him, and it's truly and completely freaking me out.See, while I've brought him around my friends and shared activities I love with him, he has not done this with me. Honestly, I still feel like an outsider when it comes to his "real" life. It's a barrier that I don't really know how to overcome.He's been in only one serious long-term relationship. He's been single (though dating, at times) for a long time (about two years, I believe). His last relationship ended pretty badly, with his girlfriend of over a year (she was his first) cheating on him with his best friend. Because of this, he has said he is extremely weary of introducing me to his friends. However, his friends are very important to him. He plays music with them, soccer with them, games with them, goes to events with them, etc. A lot of his free time is spent with them, and he values them very much. They've been around since his childhood.How long should I expect to reasonably wait before he decides he is ready to include me in his "real" life? I would never pressure him to do this. I think I'm just looking for a time frame here, something to gauge this by, because I'm worried I like him a little too much and am terribly afraid of getting hurt. How long do two people normally date before even thinking about moving into the relationship phase? Should I even be concerned about this yet?Am I getting in too deep? I do believe he likes me - he constantly tells me I'm "fascinating", gorgeous, and many other wonderfully perfect things. He's initiated about 75% of the contact and about 90% of the dates. He texts me everyday, all throughout the day. He's a complete gentleman, always insisting on picking me up, opening doors, paying for my meals. Why would he do any of that if he wasn't interested?Am I okay? What am I doing???
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female
reader, Deagan +, writes (23 July 2012):
 He's definitely interested, but obviously he's going to be a tad more cautious considering he was cheated on by his last girlfriend.
I think two people normally date 2-3 months until they have the "I want to be exclusive" conversation. Considering you two have only been together for 3 weeks, try not to be concerned about it yet.
Also, don't rush into things. It sounds like you're head over heels over him, you're definitely serious about this, and that might scare him off. He's probably looking to take things slow and casual since the last relationship burned him.
In addition, make sure you're not giving up the mystery and goods so easily- men like to pursue and chase, and if you give it up and let him catch you so quickly, he can lose interest fast considering he's already caught his prey. Catch my drift?
To actually answer your question, he will introduce you to his feels when he is ready. Who knows how long it might take because no one really knows how badly his girlfriend broke him by cheating on him with his best friend. Obviously he's very weary of this. Don't push the subject, but give him a few months. Let him learn to trust again.
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