A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why has this girl suddenly disappeared from my BF's martial arts classes? I accused my BF of flinging with this girl. He denied it and still does. He is a martial arts instructor. We are both in his class. I told him I don't like her, have my eye on her and have a bad feeling about her. I am very possessive of my BF because he is good looking and women like him. I am also very good looking but still none of us girls want other girls on our turf. Suddenly she has disappeared for three weeks? When she used to come all the time. I sent her a text and no answer although I hear she does not respond to anybody's texts. Anyone find this strange? A coincidence only? Could there be a link? Just think it's WEIRD.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): Lol eyeswideopen!I am not like that with everybody. She is the first person I have "disliked" in three years. He has been teaching martial arts for 10 years. I have been with him for 3 years and have been in his classes for that long.I have pin pointed other women over time as well but in joking or just mentioning one or two but letting it go.For some reason, this one just seemed to rub me the wrong way. Big time.Glad she is gone. At least hope she is. Still haven't seen her.And no, I do not think I will be with this way with anyone else for the foreseeable future.For the record, he too threw a hissy fit before when I am talking to another guy, just being my friendly self but he thinks I am flirting with the guy or leading him on.Thank you about saying it is part of his job to be friendly etc. He has told me that too.- OP
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 April 2015):
 Good riddance until the next female student gets your gut in another uproar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): It's OP.
I sure hope that woman went to another gym!
Good riddance!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (21 April 2015):
 Your follow-ups speak volumes. If something is so awry in your relationship that you have asked a neighbor of this other woman to watch her movements, it is time to get out and go looking for a partner you are actually able to trust.
People in healthy, happy relationships simply do not act the way you have described here.
Good luck and best wishes moving forward from this.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 April 2015):
 A good friend of mine has a parent who is very ill and she has stopped answering texts or emails. She knows that I am here for her as are her other friends. I'm not freaking out that her car is gone (she's visiting her parents) or that she's not able to reply to texts (she's stressed and needs to focus all her efforts and energy on helping her parents.) Her hands are full. You aren't friends with this woman and don't know is happening in her personal life.
The whole drive by thing? You saying you have a friend who lives across the street and you now have her under surveillance? Um, okay, that's now seriously into creepy territory.
You sound a lot like another poster who is the mistress of a married man and has been driving herself crazy with worries that he is 'cheating' on her. I fully expect you to come back and say 'no that's not me' but your tone, your posts, your fears are all extremely familiar.
Do yourself a favor. End the toxic relationship. The hot sex you have reported isn't enough to sustain this into the long term. Your growing paranoia and fears?
Why would you want to live this way?
Enough.
End the relationship already and find another love interest. Your current guy sounds like a creep, frankly.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 April 2015):
If you trust this gut feeling so much I guess you need to break things off with the boyfriend. He has already denied having anything to do with the girl but your gut says differently. So your really have no choice if you truly have trust in your gut over your guy. Upside is you may be able to relax.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2015):
 so because she was not home she HAD to be with your boyfriend?? that's the only option?
she has no friends or family out of town?
her car was not in the shop???
you are making a lot of assumptions---
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): It's OP.
To answer your question eyeswideopen, NO I was not camped outside her house all night. I do have a life.
BUT....
I do have a mutual friend who lives across the street from her. This mutual friend works nights from home fielding international calls and can look out her office window over to this woman's place. Her car was gone all evening, all night, and into the better part of the next day.
I just have this gut feeling.
How on earth am I supposed to dismiss it?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 April 2015):
How do you know her car was gone all night? Were you camped out in front of her house?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 April 2015):
 I have to agree with SVC
Giving someone the stink-eye and accusing the BF of interest in the girl - IS about YOUR insecurities. Thinking you have to MARK your territory is about YOUR insecurities.
My husband is a people person, I'm not. I trust him, so him pointing out a cute redhead at the store telling me she works right next door doesn't mean me green-eyed with envy or jealousy. And if some woman thought me was good looking, I'd agree. A guy being handsome doesn't MEAN he will cheat, a GUY getting attention from an attractive female doesn't mean he will cheat.
Part of your BF's job as an instructor is to BE ABLE to interact with ALL his students (not just his GF). As a instructor/coach/trainer you NEED to be able to make PEOPLE want to come back - that is HOW he makes his living -so your behavior is not good for his business.
YOU do not OWN your BF. Another woman can't "take" him from you. HE has to MAKE that choice to leave you for someone else. CHOICE.
If I went to a class and some chick I didn't know behaved as irrational as you, I would NOT answer your texts either. I might even question how you got my number. And I would find another GYM. I don't go to the GYM for drama - I'd go to work out.
My guess is, SHE has too much DRAMA going on in her life with a divorce to also want to deal with an insecure stranger from the gym.
Leave her be.
People in relationships NOTICE attractive people, SINGLE people notice ATTRACTIVE people.
Has your BF cheated on you before? Do you have any reason to NOT trust him?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 April 2015):
I really do think it's all in your head
and please don't say "we women" like it's ALL women.
I have no jealousy when other women find my husband attractive... it's a compliment to me and my taste.
Jealousy is an emotion rooted in insecurity. This is purely an issue of your own making as far as I see it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2015): Well she bugs me cause I know he finds her attractive as I asked him if he thought she was. So right away that made me upset. He admitted to checking out her business web page online and I accused him of having interest. He said he has none. Just curious. He is always checking stuff and people out on the web. I have seen him do it.And then she told me she was leaving her husband and that he moved out of the house. So now she is suddenly available. That bothered me too. Just fueled my paranoia.She seemed to keep avoiding me for some reason. Kept her distance from me. I always found that odd. And one day I drove by her house and I noticed her car was gone all night. I just imagined him and her together somewhere.I did give her the evil eye in one of the classes. In fact the last one she attended. She just pisses me right off. And I protecting my turf. We women do that and we know how to do it well! Yeah call it a gut feeling.I am prone to a high level of jealousy but only because he has cheated in the past. Not on me though. And he is in classes with women all the time. I would not call my jealousy unreasonable at all.I have gone on and on about her to him. How I am going to be very upset if I find out he is doing anything with her. So I just wonder if I was getting too close and he just cut her loose? But of course this scenario could all be in my head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2015): HiYou don't mention why you suspect him, but unless you are given to unreasonable jealousy, then I would say our gut instincts are what guide us best. Are you wondering that maybe he had a word with her that he can't see her any more and that's why she has left? That's what I would be thinking, but there's no way to know. She may be avoiding your texts because she knows why you're getting in touch. The thing is I can't think of any way you can find out for sure.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (19 April 2015):
If you two weren't friendly to one another in class there is no reason to expect that she'd reply to a text, especially as she isn't even seeing you via the class anymore. That in itself is not weird at all. She may have picked up on the fact that you were jealous, which would make talking to you awkward, and she has no reason to play into an awkward conversation because she's not the one looking for the information; there's nothing in it for her.
Surely she is not the only good-looking woman (besides you) who has taken a martial arts class with your boyfriend... so what else led you to think your boyfriend might have had a fling with her in particular, as opposed to any other woman he's taught in the past? Has he cheated before?
So far this sounds more like coincidence than anything else. But there has to be something that made you suspicious enough to ask about it, and knowing what that is would provide a clearer picture of the situation...
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