A
male
age
26-29,
*tickameister
writes:Hi! I really need advice. I've been friends with this girl for a long time now. So we're practically best friends. I go visit her often and she trusts me wholeheartedly and the feeling is mutual. But the past month or two, I've started to like her. Which is not the first time. The first time I got over it but now it comes back and stronger than ever. She slept over at my house one night because she was having problems with her dad. She has a boyfriend and he lives in the same Security Estate as me and I feel like she's only using me to get to him. And for whatever reason I don't understand is I've been doing so much for her. More than her boyfriend ever has done since they started dating. She asked me if she could come over and I told her my door is always open! And the next morning she left. Never even thanked me once. And it's not about the thank you. It's about me always being there for her, supporting her and I've known her longer than any of her boyfriends combined do. And now I'm starting to fall for her, but I want to avoid it, and what's worse is whenever I'm with her, I have butterflies in my stomach and I always notice how beautiful she is inside and out and how crazy I am about her. And whenever I see her and her boyfriend together it feels like a pain in my chest combined with anger. I wouldn't call it jealousy. Just a question that asks: "why can't I have that?" and "Why has she never noticed me as a potential boyfriend and not just a friend who's there for her when she's in need?" "Who's the one who goes through so much trouble and acts like it's nothing just to spend time with her? Makes her feel special all the time?" I give her compliments all the time. None of that her boyfriend ever does. (Not what i've heard) She tells me everything and I tell her everything. And the reason why this feels so wrong is because she feels like family to me... Like my own blood sister. But I'm crushing on her. She really means the world to me and I don't want to lose her. Ever... Does anyone maybe have advice that they can give me? What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2015): You are in the "Friend Zone". Look it up on Google.
You are making the mistake of assuming nice guys finish first with girls. They don't.
You are actually making it EASIER for this girl to stay with her boyfriend right now. You are providing all the parts of a good boyfriend that she isn't getting from him! This does not make her want him less, it makes her want him MORE because she can combine the two of you in her life and have everything! This way her BF doesn't have to bother to provide everything she wants but she still gets everything she wants! Everybody wins (except you)!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): When you give or help people from the heart, there are no strings attached. Being there for her, doesn't demand her to fall in-love with you. Neither out of obligation, or in gratitude.
You are the master of your own fate, and you get to choose where you wish to direct your love and feelings. There are girls out there who probably wonder why you never notice them? Even when they are doing everything they can to get your attention. You're stuck on one girl, and it's because you've closed yourself off to anyone but her. So naturally you can no longer fight the feelings. You revolve everything around her.
It is by your own choice you are allowing her to use you. She will do whatever she can to get to the boy she wants. Don't be angry at her for allowing her to use you that way.
She doesn't like you the way you like her.
Maybe you need to take some time-off from trying to make her feel for you more than as a friend. When a girl already has a boyfriend, you have to learn she is off-limits to you.
Your plan to be so super-nice to her that she will fall in-love with you is not working. So try your skills on another nice girl without a boyfriend. You should offer your feelings to a girl who feels the same way about you. Not live in frustration for one who doesn't.
You are young, and you're learning more about that everyday.
When you decide to stop following her around like her little puppy, you will feel very free. You will even notice there are other girls just as pretty, just as sweet, and are hoping you will like them. You are a very nice guy. She is taking advantage of that. Girls know when a guy is a sucker for them. She is using you to get around the wishes of her father. She is playing you for a fool. That is no way to treat someone you consider a real friend. She didn't thank you for letting her stay; because she knows you had selfish reasons for letting her stay the night. You also know it is wrong to be her accomplice in defying the wishes of her parents, to get to some other boy. How you feel about that, is your own fault. You're a loyal fan. That's all.
Put her friendship on hold for awhile, and fly solo. It's time to get out from under her spell, and stop feeling frustrated and being a sucker. You need some fresh air.
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